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DH grabbed me.

(22 Posts)
Woofers Thu 14-Mar-13 14:56:01

Thinking of you strind. Hope things are clearer for you and you have managed to take some 'me time' thanks

yellowbrickrd Tue 12-Mar-13 18:22:24

Agree with mummytime - I don't see it would be bad to talk to your Dad about it. He has had experience in this area and he cares for both of you. I expect he would be quite shocked to think you didn't want to confide in him.

Your dh actions are very suspect - far better to get it out in the open just in case he tries to accuse you of inventing it later.

Sorry for all you've got to cope with at the moment, hope you've had a peaceful day. x

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 12-Mar-13 12:49:58

I'd feel uneasy at the idea of H working with your dad all nicey-nicey after this. Accusing you of doing something to your DD and hurting you as he did so? Not on.

LemonDrizzled Tue 12-Mar-13 10:21:46

Strind I'm glad he has admitted he was out of order and apologised. But there is something worrying about your "nice but dim" DH. Over on the EA thread we have experience of partners who use MH issues to make us look like the crazy one, threaten to have the DC taken away and have us Sectioned.

Bear in mind that going to joint counselling with someone who is not wholly on your side can be confusing and make things worse.

Not saying your partner is abusive, but it might be worth reading some of the links at the top of the thread to highlight what to look for.

Hope you and DC3 had some nice cuddles in the morning smile

Strindberg Tue 12-Mar-13 10:11:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Strindberg Tue 12-Mar-13 10:08:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mummytime Tue 12-Mar-13 10:08:54

Please talk to someone in real life about this. Could you talk to your health care professionals?

I am also worried that you are trying to protect him from your father. If it was innocent then you wouldn't worry about your Fathers reaction.

musickeepsmesane Tue 12-Mar-13 09:50:47

Oh, strindberg sad I was worrying about you last night. I think Woofer is right. You need to get help as a couple, he is obviously struggling as well. Especially if this is not usual behaviour from him is it? He needs a bit more honesty from you, I would've been scared if my DH did that to me. And yes, it would change the way I felt about him too. I hope you have someone in RL who can help without taking sides. Glad you are ok this morning.

Strindberg Tue 12-Mar-13 07:48:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wordyBird Tue 12-Mar-13 01:06:52

- You have been aggressively grabbed and falsely accused (ie, assaulted, and yes, I think gaslighted).

- You have been threatened with police and removal from the house if you didn't 'calm down' (ie, if you didn't comply).

- You have been coldly dismissed rather than apologised to.

This is very bad, Strindberg. You say he is 'genuinely a nice guy' but is sometimes irrational and horrible. Genuinely great people aren't horrible, especially not like this.

Frankly, I agree with Dryjuice. And I try not to jump to conclusions, but wouldn't be surprised if his attitude to you is at the root of this depressive episode.

How are you doing now?

sneezingwakesthebaby Tue 12-Mar-13 00:59:31

Reading this brought back memories of my ex. He would gaslight me a lot with issues surrounding my MH condition. I used to get false memories where if I thought I'd done something (like randomly unlocked the door, even though I KNEW I hadn't, the mere thought I had meant I had to check it) and he used to use that to manipulate me. He'd pretend he'd seen me do something or that I'd said something bad when I KNEW I hadn't but he would blame my MH condition instead. The grabbing you part struck me the most though and his response afterwards. My ex once was screaming at me so I moved between him and the cot (dd was asleep in it) as I was scared he was going to do something silly near her and he lunged at me and pushed me to the floor and held me there, kicking me when I tried to get up afterwards. When I asked him why he had done it he said that I was overreacting so he needed to calm me. He was the one screaming and I was standing there. It was all part of a long period of EA and gas lighting that took me too long to realise before I got help.

I'm not saying your DH is the same but I just wanted to share what happened with us so that you could keep an eye out for any signs of EA or gas lighting. I agree with Woofers that some partners will need extra support when they are with someone with a MH condition but I also think some partners will use their partners MH condition to their own advantage. It might be a case of looking at the situation from a distance and working out which category your DH fits into.

Woofers Tue 12-Mar-13 00:28:41

I'm sorry your having a shit time. I have depression which at times has been very dark. My dh has spent three years denying there was anything wrong, mumbo jumbo in fact. Then I took him to see my gp. I asked her to explain why I slept so much and panicked in supermarkets etc. since then, since he heard it from someone else's mouth, he is better. Sometimes I even get a cuddle, just because!

Anyway, my point is, with one person ill - be it physical or mental the other partner will be feeling the pressure too.

Top tips - go see a professional together to learn coping strategies. And moodscope.com

Thinking of you xthankswine

Strindberg Tue 12-Mar-13 00:22:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dryjuice25 Tue 12-Mar-13 00:18:55

Emotionally Abusive as what he's just done is a form of gaslighting and is deliberately meant to make you feel shit and doubt yourself maybe

Strindberg Tue 12-Mar-13 00:13:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dryjuice25 Tue 12-Mar-13 00:06:23

It sounds like he is trying to blackmail you because of your MH issues. I wouldn't trust him at all. I'd be very wary of this man as he sounds EA and leaves a lot to be desired re his motives for the accusations.

You're right to be upset. I'd be shocked if someone baselessly accused me of kicking a puppy!

Your title should have said 'DH is blackmailing me' I think. Nasty.

Bluelightsandsirens Tue 12-Mar-13 00:02:11

It was a hurtful thing to say but I believe sleep will help you all and then you can readdress in the morning.

Strindberg Mon 11-Mar-13 23:59:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dryjuice25 Mon 11-Mar-13 23:39:33

Is he usually that melodramatic? Sounds very odd that he would suddenly accuse you of child cruelty just because of a previous argument about keys:very unrelated. Why is he attacking your mothering skills? I don't like the sound of him right now, sorry

musickeepsmesane Mon 11-Mar-13 23:32:57

oops, you DH is a numpty - well I can't say that as a fact, just correcting my rubbish typing blush

musickeepsmesane Mon 11-Mar-13 23:31:15

didn't want to just leave your thread. Stand back, let everything calm down. Don't worry about your DH, you and your DC3 know what happened. In the light of morning it will be better. By then you will have realised that your DC is a numpty brew

Strindberg Mon 11-Mar-13 23:23:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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