Sorry for the long post, but the time has finally come to get something off my chest. I have never discussed this with anyone else before, so here goes...
My DP has been suffering from depression from years. I reckon he had it before we met, but since our DS was born 7 years ago it has really got hold of him. It took a long time for him to face up to it, but he finally went to the GP about 2 years ago and was put on anti-depressants (Fluoxetine). At first they made a difference, but then it seems as though he just got used to them and they stopped working. Again he took a lot of persuading to go back to the GP but finally he did, and the GP upped the dose. Again, it did make a little bit of difference for a while but now he seems to be back to square one again.
I am finding it really, really hard being the partner of someone with depression. I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone else who has experience of this.
My DP's mood-swings are pretty extreme and I am quite certain that they are now really affecting our DS too. I don't think he's bi-polar (not sure if that's the correct term these days?), as when he's "up" he isn't particular manic, just a bit more cheerful than usual. But when he's down, well it's just awful. He shouts and swears, is rude, angry, irrational, and just exudes this horrible horrible vibe which really changes the atmosphere of the house. When he's like this I want to run away. (Actually I did run away once, when our DS was about 6 months old - DS and I stayed the night in a hotel a few miles away, but came back again next day. This was before I understood it was depression. I just wanted to teach him a lesson! It didn't work).
His bad moods usually end with him falling deeply asleep, usually on the sofa but sometimes he stomps upstairs and crashes out on the bed. He'll sleep for a good couple of hours (this is during the daytime) and is usually seems a bit better when he wakes up - though the waking up process itself takes a long time.
The trouble is he will NOT allow any discussion about it. Unless he is feeling particularly cheerful, and then he jokingly refers to his "loony pills" and how there's nothing wrong with him at all, it's just me keeping him "under sedation"...
When he's OK then it's like the sun comes out and I almost forget what it's like when he's down. But within hours of everything being fine, everything can turn bad again. The change is unbelievable actually - real Jekyll and Hyde stuff. And he doesn't seem to realise how bad he has been (or at least he doesn't ever admit it - if ever I try and comment on a bad episode he says that I'm the one "who's mad").
I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone else who is in a similar situation. How do you cope? How do I get him to seek more help? He refuses any kind of therapy other than the anti-depressants, and as I said he will NOT talk about it so even if I try to offer some support or understanding we get nowhere.
Just a few points:
I am unsure whether I still love him (it's taken me a few years to get round to being able to say that). I guess if I loved him I would have more patience / compassion..? But I think I'm completely out of those now..
We don't have sex any more. Ever. (Partly because I'm afraid I just don't fancy him any more either physically or emotionally, and partly because he himself is usually too tired, so neither of us ever initiate anything).
He isn't violent - at least not with DS and me, just with inanimate objects.
I had PND and I do have some understanding of what it's like to be depressed but sometimes I wonder whether this is something else other than depression.
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Relationships
DP suffering from depression - what can I do?
FruitString · 10/03/2013 22:13
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