Please bear with me - this is teeny tiny compared to what some people are facing here - but I've read some really good advice on this board so hope someone can help.
Imagine two women friends of mine, A and B.
B is warm, intelligent, fun company.
A is all of these things too - but she is 'snippy' with me, from time to time. What I mean is, she is very good at being there when I'm down (as I feel I am for her), but if I have a success of any kind - she withdraws, or even makes a cutting remark. Hmmm. Not good.
I think it's about envy, because I have some things she would really like in my life. I feel sad about this for her, because to me, she has many, many things to be proud of and which I might 'envy back' - I am no way her superior. But it's upsetting that at good times in my life - the key events - she hasn't been able to share this with me. It's sort of not what good friendship is about.
My natural instinct would be to gently 'let her go' - not to be unkind (I don't think she even realises she's doing it). But I can't do that. Because for many years, before I met the pair of them, she was friends with A. The warm, open one. So if I let 'A' drift, I have to let 'B' drift as well.
My ideas are:
- Say something directly to her. Very gently, in a 'look, do you realise you do this; you have lots to be proud of, I could envy you in some ways''. Try to build her esteem at the same time as firmly setting a boundary. But that sort of conversation doesn't work outside books, does it?
- Say something to A, along the lines of 'I know you're great friends, and I am not trying to upset that, but B is doing this to me and I don't know what to do about it? But that sort of conversation will just seem like I'm trying to drive a wedge between them, and I'll end up losing both of them. (I'm not. I'm not interested in A and B. I just want B to stop it).
- Smile sweetly and let it ride. (This has not worked so far, but it might).
- Let go of both of them and live with the steaming mass of anger and resentment until it explodes on some innocent passerby in the supermarket.
(joke).
Sorry this is so long. I know it shouldn't matter, but it does. You can reply purely by number if that's less painful.