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Dating thread no 45

(1000 Posts)
JulietteMontague Fri 08-Mar-13 21:59:58

Online and real life dating chat, all welcome

AndLibbyMakesThree Sat 09-Mar-13 16:35:38

That's a tricky one, Lulu. How long is it since he and his ex separated? Was it his DD who suggested that he takes her and her mum out for lunch, or was it the ex? Does his ex have a new partner?

lulubellaboozle Sat 09-Mar-13 16:50:29

They have been separated 2.5 years, I think it was DD who suggested it, but whereas if my kids suggested something like that, I would quickly say, no let Dad take you on your own, I think she will be more than keen on going. I am not sure if she has a new partner but she has had a second baby, who is 4 months old, but father is not on the scene or certainly not as a boyfriend. It's all a bit odd, but I can't help it, I don't like the idea.

Since I started seeing Mr EA, she has suddenly re-established contact with his family and seen his sisters etc. I should have seen this coming, on our first date she phoned him 3 times!

I am the first person he has dated in 2 years and I think she has relied on him up to now, she may not want him back but I guess she's not so keen on losing what she has or sharing. I don't know.

Bant Sat 09-Mar-13 16:53:03

Lulu, this is just my perspective of course, but i get on ok with my ex, and if my DD asked me to go out for lunch as a family for her birthday, I'd do it without a second thought. If I was seeing someone who didn't want me to, that would annoy me.

Plus, if it's the exes birthday, surely she'd like to have lunch with her DC on it?

I think don't push on this one. Other stuff, yes, but not the birthday meal

ike1 Sat 09-Mar-13 16:56:15

Lulu I always think that is a man treats his ex well that is a good sign. Clearly he is committd to your relationship. I would let this one go. Maybe arrange to meet the ex at some point in the future when you are living together...that way you can become a 'visible' person and reminder to the ex that he has moved on.

ike1 Sat 09-Mar-13 16:57:23

not is...if...

Regarding pubes know all about my escapades on the pube front Voice...

Snapespeare Sat 09-Mar-13 17:00:03

Shitshitshitshitshitshit. Nameless thinks he's picked up my herpes. I'm pretty sure he hasn't (without TMI, it's not a tingly sensation, he'd know if he had it as it would feel like he'd rubbed his cock on a cheesegrater...) but I feel really awful that there's even the tiniest possibility. sad he's off to his GP, I've offered to go to the clap clinic with him. He says we're absolutely fine and is sending me hugs.

I feel horrible. sad.

OhWesternWind Sat 09-Mar-13 17:02:39

Lulu I don't think I would like it, particularly if she keeps contacting him for no real reason. But I don't think I'd say anything because it's all to do with his dd'sbirthday. His ex will want to see her dd on their mutual birthday and he'll want to see his dd on her birthday, so it's a bit of an unfortunate coincidence of dates.

OhWesternWind Sat 09-Mar-13 17:05:17

Oh Snape try not to worry til you know what's really going on. Sorry I don't know much about this but if you think it's unlikely, and I know you'll have been so careful, then chances are its a false alarm. Maybe he's a bit sore from too much action?

lulubellaboozle Sat 09-Mar-13 17:05:30

I think what I am struggling with, is that is the ex's birthday too on the same day and to quote him, 'he has been asked to take them both out!' That's what feels a bit weird!

AndLibbyMakesThree Sat 09-Mar-13 17:10:58

Lulu, I think it's particularly difficult if her DD has suggested it, as he might feel he's letting her down if he doesn't go, so he may feel he's in a lose-lose situation (ie he either upsets you or his DD).

I'd feel uneasy about the number of times she contacts him though - 3 calls in one evening? That seems excessive unless there's an emergency going on. I haven't made 3 calls to my ex in the whole of the last 6 months! As you say, it sounds as if perhaps she's having trouble letting go of him and the help/support he provides.

I think that, as ike says, perhaps you can meet the ex at some point in the future, and that might help.

It's hard but I think perhaps the best plan is to let this one go - you can always come on here while it's happening if that helps!

OhWesternWind Sat 09-Mar-13 17:13:49

Yes, can see how it feels odd with him "taking her out". It's difficult though - I don't know that I'd say anything because it's all to do with his dd's birthday but I wouldn't feel great about it. But honestly, nothing's going to happen, he won't suddenly think he wants to get back with her, it will be fine. It's a bit of the insecurity thing, maybe.

AndLibbyMakesThree Sat 09-Mar-13 17:14:03

Snape, oh no ... though, as you say, it seems very unlikely. Hope he gets an answer from his GP asap.

Lulu, do you feel confident that Mr EA is over his ex? (It certainly sounds like he is from everything you've said before, and especially as you're planning to move in together). If you do, I'd try not to worry (easier said than done, I know, and totally hypocritical of me to say it as I could worry for England!)

MirandaWest Sat 09-Mar-13 17:15:45

Scatty Mr Nice has had (and has been having) similar sex problems including the getting the feeling Viagra is the solution to everything hmm. Am not sure how he'll be later on but for me I find being patient and fairly reassuring without going over the top has helped. Plus the fact we do other sex things as well as PIV which are very good smile

AndLibbyMakesThree Sat 09-Mar-13 17:16:47

OWW, thanks for your post yesterday, by the way - I really appreciate it.

Mr C and I are going out dancing tonight. Shame I fell down the stairs this morning and am moving about like a pensioner. I still feel upset about the stuff that happened this week, but have sent him an e-mail trying to explain how I feel, and I expect we'll chat a bit more about it tonight. I hate being so over-sensitive and emotional and wish I could just chill out more.

JulietteMontague Sat 09-Mar-13 17:27:46

Snape what will be will be on this one, it is doubtful he's got it anyway it's probably just the powah of your vaginah (sp, no ideah) that have him tingling. Regardless, he has been living with these risks for a while so is probably more used to the idea in general. He is lovely.

Lulu the Birthday thing I would let it go, it is actually quite a nice thing to do. The rest of the stuff needs dealing with, I suspect the exW is still a bit proprietorial and he may have just got used to her calling all the time so hasn't realised this is a bit off.

Worley what Voice said, people do like to stick their noses in.

Ike I have see most of A Flock of Seagulls nekkid.

ike1 Sat 09-Mar-13 17:28:55

Unlikely Snape...he's probs gone a bit hyperchond what with his other ailments...but fingers crossed for you guys...

ike1 Sat 09-Mar-13 17:30:18

Have you Jules???well surprise as a founding member of H did they style their pubes??

JulietteMontague Sat 09-Mar-13 17:42:39

Can't remember Ike although it being the 80s I think we can assume it was free form. Strangely although I know it was in a dressing room situation, I can't remember where either. I'm beginning to sound like Nessa grin

Scattylatte Sat 09-Mar-13 17:44:28

Oh snape when can he get checked out? And is there a way he can get medicated without a diagnosis to ease the symptoms if that's what it might be? Don't worry, it probably isn't herpes but if it is: you haven't put him at risk as you totally informed him, right at the start, and it's just bad luck if you reduced the risk as much as you can and transmission still occurred.

Thanks miranda. It's no big deal for me as we do other things. however there are other issues in that he doesn't really let me do things for him. It's very, very one sided - and I want it to be more 2 sided.. But even if I put my hand on or near his nether regions he nudges it away and as for anything It's very odd. he is hard work but I like him.

Snapespeare Sat 09-Mar-13 17:47:18

He replied to my email with the fact sheet in it. He's just lovely. He apologised for texting me out of the blue and causing me worry and he's very happy and comfortable with me and we'll talk about it in person when we next see each other, which will be Monday.

I think i just fell in love with him. Sssh! Is secret.

Snapespeare Sat 09-Mar-13 17:49:56

Back up! juliette you have seen (most of ) a flock of seagulls naked? There's a story in there....

ike1 Sat 09-Mar-13 17:51:21

Yeah free form sounds shaven balls in the 80's hopefully the memory loss is due to a good time as opposed to early onset alzheimers Jules.

JulietteMontague Sat 09-Mar-13 18:09:46

No, move along, nothing to see here. It would have been a pre show kind of thing. I'm pretty sure nothing went on as I'd remember that. more that at that time I saw quite a lot of rising bands in various states of undress and I think they've all just blended a bit. There were a lot more in pants etc, but those were the days of baggy boxers (sadly) grin. Thinking back on it, I was really very restrained with my favours during that phase.

Bant Sat 09-Mar-13 18:19:22

Right. I'm off to my date with the American from OKC Hungary.

Wish me luck.

Snapespeare Sat 09-Mar-13 18:22:29

bant hope it goes really well! smile

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