Hiya, sorry to make this my first post but it seems like somewhere where you get sound advice. Worth pointing out we were only together a year so not very serious and no children involved, just to save confusion.
My ex was a borderline alcoholic, picked fights with me whenever he'd been drinking, then blamed me saying I couldn't handle my drink/I just annoyed him (he's well-known for getting into fights, I've never had a problem with anyone but him when out, sober or not). Tried to tell me what I could/couldn't wear and called me a slag if I didn't adhere to his 'rules', dumped me numerous times then crawled to me to get me to take him back, tried to prevent me from being friends with any men (including repeatedly threatening to beat up one of my best male friends, he went through the recycling bin once to find out if I'd had a drink with my friend when he came round, then got angry with me when he found cans, also trying to check my sat-nav to see where I'd been, looking through my phone etc.) One night I went out after we'd argued and the next day he accused me of cheating on him saying one of his friends had seen me with another man - not true, it didn't happen and none of his friends knew me well enough to pick me out in a crowd anyway, was just a lie he made up to intimidate me. If I ever tried to talk to him about being controlling he'd alternately tell me I was right and he would change, or he'd start accusing me of being crazy, calling me a liar and a 'sad little girl' etc. During arguments he used to shove me out the way or use his size against me (I'm 5'5 and quite small, he was 6'3 and used to literally back me against a wall), he also got really angry and punched me in the hip one night when I didn't wake up fast enough, then said he didn't remember doing it. I also found out he messaged other girls behind my back trying to meet up with them for sex and telling them he was single when he wasn't, he said we were apart when this happened...we weren't.
Sorry, that was incredibly long, boring and a small catalogue of everything else he did. He recently messaged me saying he didn't want to cause trouble but he wanted to know how I/my family/Uni etc. was going, saying he still loved me, always would etc. and that he wants to be friends. I've ignored it, but he makes me sick. I want to reply stating everything that he did to me and asking him how he can possibly purport to ever have loved me, and ask him why he thinks I would ever want to be friends with him. It's pointless though, he'll never learn, he's just vile and doesn't see why he was at fault and I'm seeing someone else now but how do I just move on and stop being so bitter towards him? Failing that what can I message back that's calm but clear that I never want anything more to do with him? Or do I just continue to ignore? If you got through all that thank you, and thank you in advance for any advice.
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Message from abusive ex - v long, sorry
Thatdidnotgowell · 08/03/2013 18:02
I think it's usually best in these situations to have NO contact and if possible change your details so he can't keep doing it.
He's a wanker and there are millions of people in the world that you could know, speak to, have as friends - why the f*ck would you want him, is kind of the gist of it 
Well done for getting shot and moving on - do not let him have the satisfaction of a response.
Write the letter. Get it all out. Tell him exactly how he fucked up and how deluded he is. Give examples. But don't send that letter to him, burn it.
I didn't believe that this really worked but I did it (in a completely different situation) and it does! Cheaper than therapy too
Good for you, That
In the grand scheme of things it's not much but it's some of your power in your hands. Hold on to that, and use it more often 
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