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Oh crap - I think I've made myself look rather foolish

(175 Posts)
ParanoidPrue Thu 07-Mar-13 23:00:46

I've just sent the following email to both H and someone he's been emailing in a slightly less than professional capacity:

Hello to you both

Whilst it is heartwarming to watch your blossoming romance via the internet, I wonder if either of you could spare a thought for the poor pathetic wife in this scenario? I'm sure that you both will protest that this exchange between you is entirely innocent and that you simply have a connection as "friends". But whilst you exchange your star-signs and discuss hobbies, I do have to wonder why you both choose to do this via private email addresses rather than your work emails... could it be that you have something to hide perhaps? Or perhaps you're concerned that both of your respective employers will catch on to the fact that you are conducting daily phonecalls under the guise of work. Far be it for someone as lowly as a wife to question her husband once again putting in danger our family's only income for the sake of this "friendship" but it seems to me that innocent people don't conduct themselves in this fashion.

I guess that I should be relieved that the distance between you prevents this friendship spilling into the physical realm as it has in the past for the poor innocent husband. Oh but my dear, please do not concern yourself - (H) will soon be young free and single once more and you will be free to meet and discuss your match on one of your trips to London. (H) has no such qualms about something as trivial as marriage holding him back from such a meeting - you see, this is not the first time and I'm sure will not be the last. In fact, he has quite a penchant for single mothers so it seems that this dalliance was meant to be. Unfortunately (or fortunately) for him, his wife is not so forgiving and for her, this will be the last time. I do hope that the friendship was worth it my dear husband.

Oh crap oh crap oh crap - I look bonkers don't I? In my defence, there's a massive back story and I just saw a bit red when I found the emails (half of which had been deleted from H's side)......Hit me with it - I feel sorry for her now, she's probably not got a clue that he's a nasty predatory wanker and perhaps she really was seeking friendship <<clutches straws>>

ParanoidPrue Thu 07-Mar-13 23:24:25

He's been here all night IB - he's been asleep since after he begrudgingly helped put the kids to bed (one of his attempts to salvage our relationship which is sadly slipping). I sent it about half an hour ago so no doubt he'll check his emails in the morning - he always wakes up dead early so if by some miracle, he wants to discuss it before he leaves for work at 7am I'll be happy to do that. I'm not holding my breath though. I'm quite sure that there'll be alot of ranting about how I put his job at risk, embarrassed him blah blah blah. Quite frankly I could not give a shit. I know how that makes me sound but honestly I'm so over the wanker.

AndTheBandPlayedOn Thu 07-Mar-13 23:24:59

I agree with the others: it was well done, well deserved, and nothing foolish about it. If you had sent it to everyone in his address book...maybe that might possibly have made you look a little bit foolish (and perhaps not wink), but vindictiveness is not recommended. Your letter did not come across as vindictive at all.

You sound emotionally detached from the repetitive drill he has put you through. I am glad for you that you have found the point of "enough is enough" and are planning an exit.

Adversecamber Thu 07-Mar-13 23:25:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ParanoidPrue Thu 07-Mar-13 23:26:28

Oh Stunt - he hasn't got the balls to mess with me now, honestly. I'll open that front door wide open if he starts ranting and keep my mobile on me so I can dial 999. He's all bark no bite - if I keep my cool, I'll be fine but thank you for worrying for me.

MorrisZapp Thu 07-Mar-13 23:27:53

I'm in team Toby. Sorry.

Why can't you sort this out with your husband? This other employee is absolutely going to think you are fruitloops.

ParanoidPrue Thu 07-Mar-13 23:29:53

I guess I am emotionally detached. I feel angry so I thought I wasn't detached enough. When I found the emails earlier today (after I found the adultwork stuff), I lay on the sofa and tried to cry but nothing came out. I'm just so tired. So very exhausted with trying to fix things in the face of this relentless shit.

I guess I sent the email so that I could know that it would really be over. Come to think of it, the only thing I want to discuss with him is how to make sure the end of our marriage doesn't unduly affect the children. I don't want to discuss emails/texts/porn/abuse ever again with that man. It's pointless....just like him. Wanker.

scottishmerlottish Thu 07-Mar-13 23:31:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

signorapacino Thu 07-Mar-13 23:31:37

Foolish???? No, on the contrary I think it was well put and you're pretty bloody marvellous! Should I ever find myself in this situation I be sure to pm you to proof read my own email wink. Joking aside good luck with the future. X

ParanoidPrue Thu 07-Mar-13 23:33:14

Team Toby love it! Morris - I really can't sort this out with him. he's an accomplished liar and I just can't deal with that level of denial. I know I shouldn't have involved her, really I do. But I've just dealt with so many of these "friendships" and I almost always end up backing down because there's no proof of anything other than overstepping some invisible boundary of decency. I just wanted her to know that (a) he's married and (b) he's a lying shit. I guess she might think I'm bonkers but rather that than he continues to con her that he's actually interested in her as a woman rather than a vagina with legs.

KatieMiddleton Thu 07-Mar-13 23:34:22

I'm with Toby too. Sorry.

katb1973 Thu 07-Mar-13 23:34:43

Brilliant!!! You are strong, brave and a bit of an inspiration. You've ended it now....just make sure you don't go back! Silently cheering for you. Stay safe!

ParanoidPrue Thu 07-Mar-13 23:35:34

Yup Scottish I think she is sad That's the worst thing for me, the absolute worst. he's done this in the past and in fact one poor cow thought he was single and living in a houseshare - he carried that one on for over a year although he swears it was never physical. I just could not let that happen again. I always wish I'd told that woman who he really was but I was a gutless spineless coward .... but now I'm bonkers so hey - it's all evened out!

ParanoidPrue Thu 07-Mar-13 23:37:21

Et tu Katie ...

No I know how it looks - that's why I posted because I knew I'd get some objective views and I needed to know so that I could put a full stop under the whole thing. I've done it now - I don't regret it but I don't need to do anymore. here's my line


RobotHamster Thu 07-Mar-13 23:42:09

Well done you smile

TobyLerone Thu 07-Mar-13 23:43:25

Eek! I wasn't trying to start a team blush

ParanoidPrue Thu 07-Mar-13 23:46:01

Too late Toby grin

Thank you so much you 'orrible lot - that's why I love MN, I lurk for ages and then post at some gut-wrenchingly shit point of my life and feel uplifted enough to carry on til the next day thanks

I'm going to go to bed now and await the inevitable kick off. Who knows - H may surprise me by apologising....unlikely but I can dream.

scottishmerlottish Thu 07-Mar-13 23:52:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flojobunny Thu 07-Mar-13 23:53:15

Good night and stay strong. The anger will subside but don't ever doubt yourself. You did the right thing.

KatieMiddleton Thu 07-Mar-13 23:53:54

Good you've drawn a line and it sounds like he needs to go so hope that goes smoothly tomorrow. Hope you have some bin bags for his things grin

MorrisZapp Thu 07-Mar-13 23:59:37

Sleep tight and stay strong. Team Toby backing you all the way, hope tomorrow isn't too grim. You'll cope, the worst is over now x

almostanotherday Fri 08-Mar-13 00:00:49

Night Prue

chipmonkey Fri 08-Mar-13 00:02:31

Well done, Prue! thanks

jynier Fri 08-Mar-13 00:02:39

PP - Go, girl, and don't waver!!! Good luck!

StuntGirl Fri 08-Mar-13 00:05:25

I hope you don't think I'm being horribly patronising or anything OP! I just hate to think what these scumbag bastards are capable of. You sound very confident and in control, I'm sure you'll have everything in hand tomorrow. Wishing you lots of strength for the morning thanks

NoTimeForS Fri 08-Mar-13 00:07:28

I have done the same in the past.
I did regret it but only in the way that afterwards I realised I shouldn't have even wasted that bit of time and effort in trying to shame him. I ought to have just detached completely and moved on.

But, I did that next - and you can too and it will be great, trust me. smile
I have never put up with that sort of crap again and I never will. You don't have to! flowers

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