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Fantastic date, but.....aibu?

(81 Posts)
theendishere Wed 06-Mar-13 01:05:59

Just had date 2 with a gorgeous guy who ticks all the boxes, except.....

date 1 - went for drinks, he bought first round, I bought second - ok with that although most guys recently bought all the drinks
date 2 - went for dinner (his suggestion) bill came, I offered to pay half, he accepted with no hesitation. AIBU to be a little surprised by this?

squeakytoy Wed 06-Mar-13 01:07:44

why shouldnt you go halves? confused

Thistledew Wed 06-Mar-13 01:08:41

Yes. Do you want to date a human being or a bank from the 1950s?

SeymoreInOz Wed 06-Mar-13 01:09:50

I think I'd be more uncomfortable with having drinks and dinner bought for me, so yabu. Hope the next date goes well!

theendishere Wed 06-Mar-13 01:11:30

I was quite ok with going halves, just not what I was used to in the past. Only other dating I've done recently , guy has insisted on paying most of the time.

theendishere Wed 06-Mar-13 01:12:35

Thanks, can't wait to see him again,

Monty27 Wed 06-Mar-13 01:14:44

Can you afford it?

theendishere Wed 06-Mar-13 01:15:46

can afford dinner if it's occasional, but not if it became a regular thing

lubeybooby Wed 06-Mar-13 01:18:46


It is well known dating etiquette that 1st/2nd date if dinner is involved the woman offers, bloke refuses.

It's half and half all the way from that point after all. It's meant to be just a ONE OFF something a little bit nice to show appreciation and respect for making time for the date and the effort that we (females) tend to go to

It's nice, it's romantic, and it frankly sucks massively when it's missing.

Why would anyone be uncomfortable with a nice gesture that is part of long standing etiquette?

However... times are hard so yabu to expect it and be so disappointed when everything else was good.

theendishere Wed 06-Mar-13 01:22:57

lubey - that's kind of how I feel. i'd understood from my limited experience that the first date or 2, the guy will pay. He seems perfect in every other way, and is clearly not hard up at all

Monty27 Wed 06-Mar-13 01:25:22

OP I asked because I can't really afford it, as with you possibly occasionally.

However, I would be a lot happier if a man invited me to dinner and he paid quite honestly. I know I'll get bunfought on it, but well, I'm a single parent and modest earner.

theendishere Wed 06-Mar-13 01:29:20

I'm the same monty - ie single parent, earning next to nothing atm

TheSmallerPenguin Wed 06-Mar-13 01:29:41

I wouldn't expect the guy to pay, or really want him to tbh. I would feel weird about someone paying for my company.

If he is clearly not hard up, perhaps he is making sure that his dates are not seeing him as a meal ticket? In his shoes, it's better to find that out sooner rather than later.

theendishere Wed 06-Mar-13 01:31:53

seems there are mixed views on this!

deedotty Wed 06-Mar-13 01:36:03

Hmmmm..... I'd be a bit uncomfortable too? hmm

I reckon that as dinner is a bigger financial thing than drinks or coffee, if someone suggests it they should be willing to/insist on treating?

I mean if the guy had asked the OP what shall we do on X night then she might have had the choice of picking something cheaper?

Personally, it would show a lack of social awareness if he suggested something, and then wasn't aware that you might have a problem covering it? Unless you're both in identical jobs so he KNOWS you can easily cover it, then he could have allowed you to pick a lower budget option.

Never mind dating, if I'm out with friends and they suggest something, then I have some input into what we do as they generally aren't paying for me....

Not a LTB Red Flag for me, but more a note this, and something to watch out for down the line thing.

deedotty Wed 06-Mar-13 01:38:00

Aye, just caught up with the last posts and never mind dating, if I was out with a FRIEND and I knew they were a low earner, I'd be quite sensitive to either not suggesting anything expensive OR just basically paying the bill, no argument, and not accepting any of their money at all...

TheSmallerPenguin Wed 06-Mar-13 01:38:38

Are you able to function on roughly the same kind of financial footing as him? If not, does he know that?

deedotty Wed 06-Mar-13 01:51:44

Thinking on a similar experience of mine ....

Internet date a couple years ago.

Met for a "drink" at a place he suggested...

Guy suggested we get dinner as well as drinks. For food, the place WOULDN'T have been of my choosing - basically incredibly overpriced American bar food. Conversation going well, so I agreed. I certainly got the vibe he was attracted to me and wanted to prolong the afternoon.

Guy accepted half the bill which was silly money for two burgers (^plus he didn't have enough change so I actually paid an extra fiver on top of my share to leave a tip and cover his half^).

I mean I was happy to pay for what I'd eaten, at the time. But did think it was pretty bad form etiquette wise, and took him RIGHT out of the "romantic prospect" category in my eyes? He had a well paid job, was telling me about the flat he owned and the holidays he had taken, and I was in between freelance contracts.

Definitely didn't want to see him after that, and I'd definitely make the same decision again. There one is hmm

SeymoreInOz Wed 06-Mar-13 02:00:04

I didn't realise it was dating etiquette, that changes things. Is he new to the dating scene?

TheSmallerPenguin Wed 06-Mar-13 02:03:58

I don't think it is necessarily dating etiquette these days? Not in my experience anyway. Isn't it a hangover from the past?

Monty27 Wed 06-Mar-13 02:46:01

Theend hmmm, no, I'm not for the woman paying half when they've been invited out by a man.

I can understand the you woman set who are high earners etc, I really can, but I'm neither of those grin

Monty27 Wed 06-Mar-13 02:46:16


nemno Wed 06-Mar-13 02:54:00

This is a surprise to me. It seems old fashioned for there to be an expectation that the man will pay. In this case the unequal financial situation is cited as an additional reason, what if he is the lower earner?

nemno Wed 06-Mar-13 02:56:22

OP, forgot to say that I would certainly not hold this against him just yet, but his ongoing attitude to you and money should let you know if he is a keeper.

Monty27 Wed 06-Mar-13 02:59:42

Nem yes, I see absolutely what you're saying and on certain levels would agree, except I'm skint and old grin

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