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(66 Posts)
secretofcrickleyhall Sun 03-Mar-13 18:53:49

It's a difficult feelings isn't it? Does anybody else sometimes just feel so incredibly lonely?

I find Sundays the worst for it, especially Sunday nights sad

secretofcrickleyhall Sat 09-Mar-13 23:42:23

Sunday rolls round again. Anybody else dreading it ? sad

wolfandi Tue 05-Mar-13 22:28:01

I'm alone most of the time too. I'm also a lone worker. Most of the time I'm fairly okay. But sometimes the loneliness is so bad that I feel physical pain in my chest.
I take annual leave from work and look forward to it, but by the time I've been off a week I start to go a little stir crazy.
Hugs to all you inthe same situation. It's really hard at times.

happydotcom Tue 05-Mar-13 19:08:14

snootfox I'm married too and feel shamefully lonely for the exact reasons you specified. sad

cjel Tue 05-Mar-13 18:12:31

Oh Fox my heart was tugged listening to you. I think I understand. I have had a house with people in all day and all night in the past but felt they were not for me. Office workers - we ran our business from home employing 3 people. DS and DD and partners and babies living with us but I would sit down one end of the house some days and burst into tears. I now share a small 3 bed home with DS who works and has partner and children nearby and although I sometimes miss company I hardly ever have that aching loneliness I used to feel when surrounded by people. Hugs

thesnootyfox Mon 04-Mar-13 09:28:48

I feel lonely and I'm married. I'm not alone, I wish I could be alone more. I enjoy my own company and crave solitude sometimes.

I'm lonely because I don't have a person who gets me if you know what I mean? I'm lonely because its all about compromise and everything is a battle. I feel very guilty for feeling this way. I'm not giving my children the childhood they deserve and that is heartbreaking really.

cjel Mon 04-Mar-13 08:59:28

I am already trying to make plans for easter so I don't have that 4 days alone feeling!!!!

RivalSibling Mon 04-Mar-13 08:15:53

Secret I know what you mean.

However, I live with my teenage boys so am rarely alone, yet feel desperately lonely sometimes. If I was properly on my own I could do more stuff like classes but as I work FT the boys are on their own until 6 or 7 and I feel I should get home to cook dinner, talk to the boys and be mum. But as soon as we've eaten they are off up to their rooms. It is a huge struggle to get them to agree to an outing with me and would never suggest it themselves.

I also find that my coupled up friends have no idea what this can be like. I don't like to talk about my loneliness as it usually results in a lot of suggestions about online dating or Zumba.

WMDinthekitchen Mon 04-Mar-13 00:31:06

Cozietoesie I'll see your, 'Apologising to the TV' and raise you shouting at the Archers radio and answering the quiz questions out loud.

I do, however, love much about living alone

secretofcrickleyhall Mon 04-Mar-13 00:26:55

All, I can see that you're trying to help but my OP was more of a sharing OP than asking advice.

Unfortunately, you cannot make people want to date you, want to be with you or care about you. I have tried dating but haven't had any interest, so quietly have had to give that one up! grin

One of the problems with saying "I'm lonely," is that immediately people give you suggestions as to how you can fill your time, which I tend to find the average 'lonely' person does not need. After all, you can always read, watch a film/TV series, take up a hobby, exercise, walk, clean the house, mow the lawn, shop.

Being lonely - being really lonely - is so much more than "I am bored." I've tried to explain some of it on this thread.

For example, last Friday I was on half term, and I met up with two friends, also teachers, who were also on half term. We met up in a restaurant for lunch then had a drink afterwards. I was with them from noon until maybe 3 o clock. It was a nice day. Except - they both then went home to spend the evening with their husbands and children. I however went home alone and stayed alone.

Being lonely does not equate to, I have no friends.

allaflutter Mon 04-Mar-13 00:17:02

'stand by', no 'with'

allaflutter Mon 04-Mar-13 00:15:55

what I meant was, if you have no reason to avoid r-ships, maybe some dating activity would make you feel less lonely? it's not a cure for every day but you can even meet someone good. Unless you just don't want to full stop, in which case I still stand by with a good lodger idea. I mean I assume the OP was to ask advice rather than just share. I mean if you want to change the situation, something has to give - even hough it is all hard slog (finding more activities, a partner, new friends etc).

secretofcrickleyhall Mon 04-Mar-13 00:11:01

No - I've never had a partner, but it isn't because of a disability?!

allaflutter Mon 04-Mar-13 00:10:59

yes 3-4 days on my own - and I feel weird, so I try to avoid this, would rather go anywhere and engage in small talk, also talk on skype to people. I'm trying (very gently) online dating too so that can be distracting but sounds like you wouldn't want to go that route?

allaflutter Mon 04-Mar-13 00:05:02

I really understand Op, as I'm in same boat myself right now, friends of my age busy with small children. I just thought it was unusual that you said you never have been a GF/partner unless I misunderstood. You can owe your own home and get a nice lodger with similar interests? I know it's not quick to fimd a suitable person, but if you are saying you dread the future, it's still a suggestion. I'd say not just in this country - unless you mean NY, UK is prety liberal, lots of women by themselves live in their houses rather than with relatives, rare for some countries even in europe.

secretofcrickleyhall Mon 04-Mar-13 00:01:09

Well, it tends to be weekends here, plus holidays - when you get to day 4, you are tearing your hair out just slightly!

allaflutter Sun 03-Mar-13 23:59:12

I think I'm more than happy not to see/speak to people one day a week, but some people are much more sociable. More than two days a week though (i.e. ALL weekend) - I'm not too happy!

secretofcrickleyhall Sun 03-Mar-13 23:58:04

Allaflutter, no, no health issues. smile I didn't know there were any that stopped people forming relationships! I DO have many friends, it is just like I say, at weekends they tend to be tied up with their own husbands/DCs.

Unfortunately I have no surviving relatives I could live with. I own my own home and like owning it. I just wish I had a 'normal' life (and 'normal' in this country at least does assume children/partner, at least at my age!)

VoiceofUnreason Sun 03-Mar-13 23:52:21

I often go Sundays without seeing or speaking to anyone. As others have said, I have lots of friends but Sundays is 'family time'

allaflutter Sun 03-Mar-13 23:49:05

OP, sorry if this isn't tactful, but do you have a health issue which prevents you forming relationships? if so, there must be support groups or people in similar circs? I really sympathise though, I'm also single now with no dc (though I was married and had BFs), and it's very comforting to read this thread and to know I'm not the only one feeling alone and cut off in some way in the eves/w-ends. I really do want a new r-ship but it's so hard to find the person who really could be that precious close soulmate/friend. I'd defo rather be alone then with just anyone. I realise I may not meet anyone for a while.

It's hard in winter - I think you can always fill your days with travelling around and chatting to people superficailly on w/ends, seeing new places in the UK or further, when the days are long. Winters is my bugbear as I do get bored, and my energy is down, and just feel isolated. I do some social stuff but it's hard work to prise frends from their familly lives! I think if you feel really bad about living alone long-term, with no prospect of a partner, you could flat/house-share! it really can be a very constructive step, with someone who also is a mature single. Quite a few 40+ people now do this, worth considering. Or live with relatives if they are amenable (though I personally wouldn't).

secretofcrickleyhall Sun 03-Mar-13 23:26:44

I know what you mean cjel but another part of me does sort of feel excluded from 'normal' life really. I don't have children and I do feel quite anxious/depressed sometimes at what the future holds.

cjel Sun 03-Mar-13 23:15:09

I moved to my lovely new home in august and have spent ages ripping out bedrooms bathrooms kithcens etc and I thought the other day that I'm not sure I'd want to share it with other half now!!!

pigsDOfly Sun 03-Mar-13 23:08:50

Absolutely, Cjel. It's that special person.

I have children who I speak to and see all the time and I'm pretty independent and love living by myself, well with the dog and the cat.

I'm not sure I'd even want to live with another person now. It's just having someone special to share things with.

cjel Sun 03-Mar-13 22:44:48

No offence taken. In my case I have 28yr old son who lives with me and dd and 5 gc who are always in and out but somehow Its that special person I miss! Thank you for caring its appreciated.x

Bakingnovice Sun 03-Mar-13 22:42:14

I hope I don't offend anyone by saying this, but I wish I could come around and visit you all at the weekends and put my arms around you and tell you that there are people who care. I care. Lots of other mnetters care. I can't imagine not speaking to another person all weekend. This thread is actually very moving.

cjel Sun 03-Mar-13 22:24:45

Thank you, Its not as bad as its sounds!!! Honest!!! I think I can have tendancy to depression if I don't make effort to have regular company.Although I do need my space as well!! I have really busy life and diverse friendships but there is something about not having a really good special person that doesn't sit easy with me.

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