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A Poll.... about sex and female orgasms

(134 Posts)
chocolatepuff Sun 03-Mar-13 12:39:25

hi there

after a discussion with dp last night it transpires that approx 80% of his past lovers could orgasm during sex.

i immediately felt this was rubbish and that the majority must've been faking it.

nonetheless its left me feeling inadequate and a freak, and like im not doing something right... can you share your thoughts/experiences please?

disclaimer: i do orgasm, the conditions have to be just so. and dp has not put any pressure on me about this. i brought it up with him, he doesnt see it as an issue or think there is something wrong with me. thats just my thinking.

AKissIsNotAContract Sun 03-Mar-13 21:59:25

this book is good if you are interested in ejaculation.

If you do a search on my username, you'll find a previous thread in which I describe the six or seven different typesof orgasm that I experience.
Never did get round to changing my name to FanjoBarista.

Dottiespots Sun 03-Mar-13 22:05:01

Well since all most of my orgasms are G spot and A spot , that is when it happens for me and it is very intense and very wet. blush

SweetSeraphim Sun 03-Mar-13 22:05:45

Oh I think it definitely gets better with age.... Up until I was about 40, I always wanted hard fucking, hated the idea of making love envy But I never used to orgasm, although I didn't really care because I still enjoyed it.

These days are different - I find it much easier to come, still never through intercourse alone, I need clitoral stimulation, but then it's quite easy.

I have had loads of a few partners over time. But at the ripe old age of 42, it's only now that I orgasm regularly with someone else grin

bestsonever Sun 03-Mar-13 22:07:27

Have to say sex does improve in your 30's, almost like there are all these different areas in there that have woken up and start contracting and pulsing in diff ways. Hmm...look forward to next time, been a while :0

Branleuse Sun 03-Mar-13 22:18:54

actually I've orgasmed through bumsex too blush but not piv.

chocolatepuff Sun 03-Mar-13 22:31:38

coming through bumsex... i cant imagine, wow!

ive been reading up a bit about it, i read your advice maggiemaggie thank you, i feel so inspired im determined to work on this! i feel so awakened, i always thought 'i cant have g spot orgasms' and have never been with a partner who cared either way. so have just accepted it as my fate. this is it, my 30's are going to be about my orgasmic liberation.. grin thank you all!

badinage Sun 03-Mar-13 22:41:24

Good luck OP but make sure this is a quest for you won't you? It's good that he wants you to fulfil your sexuality, but I still feel a bit uncomfortable about him mentioning his past prowess and regarding this as 'his mission'. Maybe you had to be there to get all the nuances of the conversation, but I'm still left with the impression that this is more about him than you. Have fun with the awakening though wink

Dottiespots Sun 03-Mar-13 22:42:52

Go *chocolatepuff".....!!!

Darkesteyes Sun 03-Mar-13 23:14:58

My h and i havent had sex for many years but looking back for the first 4 years we were together when we actually were having sex it was just an "in and out" thing and that was that.
After 7 yrs of no sex at all i had an affair when i was 30 which lasted 4 and a half years.
And BLOODY HELL sex with OM was wonderful. Once id shown him what i wanted. I had lost a lot of weight before meeting OM and got a lot more confidence and so wasnt shy about showing him what i wanted. I dont orgasm through PIV but only through clitoral stimulation and blush nip stimulation has given me muscular contractions that start in the stomach and move downwards IF the stimulation of my breasts is done just right.

badinage Sun 03-Mar-13 23:22:55

Why did you marry and stay with someone like that DarkestEyes?

Darkesteyes Sun 03-Mar-13 23:43:45

i was only 19 and had a Catholic upbringing. When you consider there is an implication in society that women shouldnt enjoy sex and then throw Catholicism and the Italian culture into a young girls upbringing you end up with me.

getmeoutofthismadhouse Sun 03-Mar-13 23:48:21

I can only orgasm thru penetration if its in missionary and if I feel secure with the guy I'm doing it with .
The only way I can orgasm is if I grind myself on him blush

badinage Sun 03-Mar-13 23:57:24

I was raised a Catholic too DarkestEyes but as I said on a thread today, when I first had sex over 35 years ago in the Cosmo era me and all my contemporaries had a complete expectation that good sex was our birthright. It really saddens me to read of younger woman who were led to believe otherwise. That wasn't the message I got from society at all, so maybe your experience was familial rather than societal? A fair few of my Catholic friends' parents had divorced too, so there was no pressure on my generation to stay in a bad marriage either.

Darkesteyes Mon 04-Mar-13 00:03:28

I think it was more the culture my mum comes from bad. When i moved out 21 years ago she moved into my room.
And then 2 years ago when she found a jewellery receipt hidden in his wardrobe she had a go at him for having an affair (though he says it wasnt physical) while all this was going on she phoned me saying "yr dad only likes them with big holes" it was fucking horrible hearing her talk that way about my dad.
I have realised in recent years that i tried so hard not to be like her ive ended up in the same situation as my dad.

neverhadone Mon 04-Mar-13 00:28:35

Was actually having an a chat with DP about this today as he asked if I was sexually frustrated after sex as I never orgasm, and he asked me a while ago if he was doing anything wrong... when I told him I've never had one, with a man or by myself! Don't get me wrong enjoy sex anyway, but it just never happens for me. Although I know he want's to please me and I think it gets to him a little bit that he can't please me to that point. blush

Lueji Mon 04-Mar-13 00:57:59

Well, it's very rare that I don't orgasm, but with clitoral stimulation.

So, usually before penetration.

I'm actually not sure if I can reach it through penetration or not. hmm

OutragedFromLeeds Mon 04-Mar-13 01:08:05

I'm sure I've read this exact OP on here before, I've got really weird deja vu confused

badinage Mon 04-Mar-13 02:04:20

That's very sad for your mum and dad, Darkest but I never assume that the person who doesn't want sex is just doing that to be cruel, or that the person who has a dishonest affair rather than leave the marriage is a saint. I just don't really understand why couples in these sham marriages stay together, especially people under 60 who've got some years left to be happy and are of the generation where divorce isn't stigmatised. It's such a waste. I suppose there must be pay-offs somewhere along the line that are more important to people than being free and happy?

RememberingMyPFEs Mon 04-Mar-13 03:59:47

I don't orgasm through PIV sex and never have with any of my too many handful of partners. I have the most astounding orgasm from clitoral stimulation but it generally takes some time to get there.
I suspect the stats are right and 70%+ don't orgasm from pure PIV shenanigans - no harm in practicing though, right x

dondon33 Mon 04-Mar-13 05:33:01

I think that 80% of ex lovers is probably a bit of an exaggeration smile
My own Dp god bless him was convinced all of his 3/4 previous, (average term from 6-12 months) ex partners had screaming orgasms every time through just PIV hmm
He says now he realises that in fact they most likely faked it (he says definitely, I say he can't be sure) because it doesn't 'feel' the same to him as it does when I orgasm through PIV (I think he means my body's involuntary reactions). I have 2 kinds of orgasm through PIV, one quite mild and the other very intense almost like from clitoral stimulation. It happens often enough but not every time, position and mood must be right.
While I love these O's my favourite is from oral clitoral stimulation.

<Eyes dp sleeping on other side of room and fights compulsion to go sit on his head> smile

Morloth Mon 04-Mar-13 06:16:09

I do and am another one who really can't be arsed with foreplay. DH however loves a good warm up.

It's nice and all, but really? Just get to the good bit!

There is no 'should' everyone is going to be different.

Midwife99 Mon 04-Mar-13 08:28:48

I orgasm through PIV but have to be on top with the angle just right for G spot stimulation. Can orgasm through stimulation of the clitoris but it's a mini one not a proper one.
Hey isn't it great we all know our bodies so well?!!! #lovebeingmiddleaged!!

fluffyraggies Mon 04-Mar-13 09:54:16

One thing that this thread proves is that there is no 'normal'.

There's an interesting thread here at the mo Why are so many men so selfish and entitled in bed? which has formed into (IMO) not so much a condemnation of men but rather a discusion about how to tell your sexual partner what you like, and how it feels when he doesn't seem to quite get it! That thread too shows the huge diversity of women's likes and dislikes.

dondon my DH told me about a GF he had who would always screech and shout out during sex and rake at his back. He was only 18 at the time and he says that even at that age he was very hmm and confused about "the racket she was making and all the scratching". He sensed fakery smile

AlfalfaMum Mon 04-Mar-13 10:03:40

I usually come from clitoral/nipple stimulation, which can happen during piv or not. Usually I have to be on top because I'm bossy so I can control the pressure and rhythm.
Very rarely I have come purely from piv.

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