Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

No affection....ditch or date?

(78 Posts)
Bitofadviceplease Sat 02-Mar-13 07:16:17

I've been going out with my boyfriend for nearly 3 months now. He's 34 I'm 32.

I am a very touchy feely person, he is complete opposite.

Last night we sat watching a film on desperate sofas! Fair enough the dogs were lying sleeping beside is but he never once said 'come over here'

He very occasionally cuddles me, occasionally kisses me (not passionately), and I could count on one hand the amount of times we've had sex in just under 3 months and its always initiated by foreplay, just wham bam thank you till he's done. My previous partner was amazing & considerate in bed so not used to this .

I've tried talking to him about the lack of affection but he doesn't know what I want him to do.

We're practically living at his place and I'm having still pay mortgage on my place while going halfers on his rent & bills. I don't want to rent my place out until I'm 100% sure it's going to work.

It's also costing me more in fuel to get to work & back from his house.

Last night was the last straw, made his work for him coming home from work, also picked him up from work! Then no affection at all. I'm already feeling like I'm his slave & provider of money when he's short with no real feeling I'm loved sad

Most of my things are here but going to suggest I keep flat longer to him & start staying there couple of nights a week


kalidanger Sat 02-Mar-13 12:39:38


tallwivglasses Sat 02-Mar-13 12:41:57


Anniegetyourgun Sat 02-Mar-13 12:59:20

Don't be letting the bugger talk you round, now. He'll be turning it back on you so it is all your fault the relationship wasn't hearts and flowers, and next thing you know you'll find you're back on with him on a promise to make it work this time - which will somehow translate into you making all the effort to change, and occasionally allowing yourself to wonder how you got into this mess.

Repeat after me: "This isn't working for me." No matter what he says, what he promises. "It isn't working for me."

Mind you, he might just shrug and say "all right then" and reach for his little black book for the next mug's phone number. In which case, great.

ImperialBlether Sat 02-Mar-13 13:00:55

Hang on a minute - loan shark? Has he borrowed money from you, too?

OP, you'd have to be out of your mind to stay one minute longer. Are you working today? If not, go round his house and pick up every single thing you own and put it into the car. Tell him you're going to wash your clothes at your house to save his electricity. Then get into your car and drive as fast as you can away from this man.

PureQuintessence Sat 02-Mar-13 13:04:13

Piuh! Let us know how that went!

lubeybooby Sat 02-Mar-13 13:04:58

Well done OP!! Let us know how you are

nickelbabe Sat 02-Mar-13 13:05:30

your OP says everything you need to know.

Bitofadviceplease Sat 02-Mar-13 13:12:41

He's acknowledged it's him that's the problem

Marigold1 Sat 02-Mar-13 13:16:53

Not is the problem, was the problem I hope. Get you bits and bobs and dont look back xx

nickelbabe Sat 02-Mar-13 13:24:00

and ??

Lizzabadger Sat 02-Mar-13 13:41:30

Good that you are going.
Who cares what he acknowledges - just get away.

startlife Sat 02-Mar-13 13:41:37

Ditch, life is too short and whilst you are wasting energy on him you are not meeting the man that could make you happy.

Well done though for posting and getting the feedback, sometimes we drift in relationships and don't realise how bad they are - as there are often some good stuff in relationships which keep us hooked (like company when watching TV)

He is not right for you - just focus on that. You can't change him and even if he promises to change it's unlikely to happen. Good Girl for taking action.

ErikNorseman Sat 02-Mar-13 14:04:38

There is literally no point to you continuing in this joke of a relationship is there? In fact, it's barely a relationship after not even three months. What made you think that you should move in with someone so quickly? Especially when he's so selfish with money, time, affection? Where is your self esteem?

FarBetterNow Sat 02-Mar-13 14:36:59

Sorry, but you are his meal ticket and you have MUG on your forehead.
Move out NOW.
Life on your own will be bliss.

targaryen24 Sat 02-Mar-13 17:46:42

Good for you!
He's not treating you well because he doesn't want to, pure & simple. And by saying "what do you expect..." He's just trying to guilt trip you & dismiss you as irrational when really, he's in the wrong...and he knows it. Hence the gas-lighting.

Well done! smile

tribpot Sat 02-Mar-13 18:03:54

God - I can't believe that after three months you would offer to go halfers on his rent, or that he would accept. WTF!

Next time I would expect a bit more out of a relationship, OP. He was barely a friend with benefits given the level of benefits!

Cherriesarelovely Sat 02-Mar-13 18:13:25

Well done bitof, hope you find a much more appreciative partner! Good for you!

MidnightMasquerader Sat 02-Mar-13 18:15:16

So you've broken up with him, right??

LemonDrizzled Sat 02-Mar-13 18:55:32

Come and tell us he is history OP! Don't let him wheedle you into carrying on for another 3 months!

I've been with my DP 18 months now (woo!) and we both keep separate houses but spend most nights at his. I buy food for the fridge and plants for the garden but we pay our own bills. There is plenty of time to get closer (and we have sex at least every night!)
You have rushed into this relationship a bit quickly haven't you? Next time take it s-l-o-w-l-y smile

WillIEverBeASizeTen Sat 02-Mar-13 20:31:00

OP you sound like a sweetheart...give your sweet heart to someone more deserving...ditch the ungrateful bastard..

Bitofadviceplease Sat 02-Mar-13 23:31:02

Have ditched him. Collected all my belongings & home curled up in my wee flat smile

Darkesteyes Sun 03-Mar-13 00:36:12

Brilliant So glad you have ditched him. Hope he wasnt too much of a PITA about it.

lubeybooby Sun 03-Mar-13 01:21:46

Phew. Well done OP. Bullet dodged!

BOF Sun 03-Mar-13 01:28:32

Fucking hell, I have never been so pleased to get to the end of a thread and see the outcome.

Don't look back.

BOF Sun 03-Mar-13 01:31:49

Btw, I have a friend who had similar issues and then some, who ignored all advice and chugged on. Now she has convinced herself that all is fine. It isn't. He is sapping her soul.

I am so glad you have seen the light- it truly breaks my heart to see my lovely vibrant peppy friend being sucked into the quicksand of such a joy vortex.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now