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No affection....ditch or date?

(78 Posts)
Bitofadviceplease Sat 02-Mar-13 07:16:17

I've been going out with my boyfriend for nearly 3 months now. He's 34 I'm 32.

I am a very touchy feely person, he is complete opposite.

Last night we sat watching a film on desperate sofas! Fair enough the dogs were lying sleeping beside is but he never once said 'come over here'

He very occasionally cuddles me, occasionally kisses me (not passionately), and I could count on one hand the amount of times we've had sex in just under 3 months and its always initiated by foreplay, just wham bam thank you till he's done. My previous partner was amazing & considerate in bed so not used to this .

I've tried talking to him about the lack of affection but he doesn't know what I want him to do.

We're practically living at his place and I'm having still pay mortgage on my place while going halfers on his rent & bills. I don't want to rent my place out until I'm 100% sure it's going to work.

It's also costing me more in fuel to get to work & back from his house.

Last night was the last straw, made his work for him coming home from work, also picked him up from work! Then no affection at all. I'm already feeling like I'm his slave & provider of money when he's short with no real feeling I'm loved sad

Most of my things are here but going to suggest I keep flat longer to him & start staying there couple of nights a week


Bitofadviceplease Sat 02-Mar-13 07:20:50

I'm just beginning to ask myself 'what's in this for me, because at the moment I'm not feeling the love and I'm financially worse off'

TisILeclerc Sat 02-Mar-13 07:23:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

specialmagiclady Sat 02-Mar-13 07:23:29

Army brothers used to say to me "Bin him, pet".

3 months, no affection? Jesus you should be all over each other. He's plenty of time to sit on separate sofas when you've been married 10 years. Stop now before you really Carew about him.

Fairylea Sat 02-Mar-13 07:25:44

3 MONTHS!???


Dh and I have been together nearly 4 years now and we still cuddle up watching tv and always sit holding hands etc.

I don't think your boyfriend Iis ever going to offer you the affection you want.

Also at this stage you should be wanting to rip each other's clothes off every two seconds!

It doesn't bode well!

DaydreamDolly Sat 02-Mar-13 07:26:17

Ditch. Definitely.

Kione Sat 02-Mar-13 07:27:32


AThingInYourLife Sat 02-Mar-13 07:29:35


You just met him.

Don't date anyone else until you have stopped thinking you should "work at" a relationship that doesn't make you happy.

Cakethrow Sat 02-Mar-13 07:32:29

3 months? If you're having problems already it's not going to work. He''s not going to suddenly become the loving affectionate man you want.

Also, isn't 3 months a bit early to be thinking about moving in and renting out your flat?

WaitingForMe Sat 02-Mar-13 07:46:19

Absolutely ditch!

Insecure24 Sat 02-Mar-13 07:51:09

Practically living together at 3 months and yet you don't even hold hands. And you're 34. Really? Surely you know this isn't going to work?

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue Sat 02-Mar-13 07:54:42

Seriously you need to ask? You know it is time to move on.

Why the hell are you even thinking of moving in??? I think you should end this now and move home. You are being a bit of a mug to put yourself out so much so soon for someone who seems not to give back very much.

He wil not change. This is the best it will ever get.

Why the hell are you paying him rent and bills??! You are being used and taken for a fool. Sorry to be blunt but honestly.

glitch Sat 02-Mar-13 07:58:36

Sorry to say but I think it is time to ditch.
If it isn't working for you now it is only going to get worse (he won't change!)
Extract yourself now whilst it is still relatively easy.

Lizzabadger Sat 02-Mar-13 08:03:19

3 months? Just end it.

SilveryMoon Sat 02-Mar-13 08:04:50

I'd say ditch too.
I'm in a relationship without affection and it is a living hell.
We've been together for about 6 years, things were ok in the beginning but he has problems with showing love and affection so we just don't.
We don't hold hands, sit next to each other, hug, or talk much. Is soul destroying.
Get out whilst you can I say. sad

EnjoyResponsibly Sat 02-Mar-13 08:08:45


Halvesies on his place and no foreplay = no brainer!

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 02-Mar-13 08:10:21

Why are you together at all - you both are fundamentally unsuited to each other in the first place. Why are most of your things in his place after only 3 months as well?.

You need to ask yourself some harsh questions.

What do you get from this so called relationship now?.

Do you have rescuer/saviour characteristics; i.e do you want your loving them to save such damaged men from themselves?. If so then you need to re-examine your relationship history along with your whole approach to relationships because being a rescuer or saviour in a relationship certainly does not ever work. He was never your project to rescue and or save.

joblot Sat 02-Mar-13 08:10:54

I'm more concerned about the desperate sofas. But that aside, go home and get rid

TheUndesireable Sat 02-Mar-13 08:13:34

Get out of there girl!

targaryen24 Sat 02-Mar-13 08:15:58

a.) how do you even have sex without foreplay?? shock Think I tried that once and couldn't walk properly for a day or two...(plus it was shit)
b.) You sound like you need affection to feel loved (which is a very reasonable way to feel) so it goes without saying that you'll never feel satisfied

In either respect wink
Plenty of considerate men out there grin
Just put this down to experience!

Anniegetyourgun Sat 02-Mar-13 08:20:30

Why on earth would you even think this a relationship worth working on? I mean, what genuine positives does his presence bring to your life? I can only assume he has very nice dogs who you'd miss confused

WarmFuzzyFun Sat 02-Mar-13 08:22:17

I think poster Bitofadviceplease it is unanimous DITCH.

Walkacrossthesand Sat 02-Mar-13 08:23:57

Does he even like you very much?! Sounds like your main role is to reduce his living costs for him, and the occasional kiss is the price he feels he has to pay. After 3 months and this little affection, you can just gather your stuff while he's out, take it back to your place, and either leave him a note or go back and wait for him and tell him you're off. No drama - and don't take any nonsense about 'trying again'. Doesn't sound like he ever fell in love with you, but he was quick to get you coughing up the dosh.

Dozer Sat 02-Mar-13 08:40:40

Ditch! "desperate sofas" says it all.

Why would you be practically living together at 3 months and even be considering moving in together? Far too early even if things were going v well.

Dozer Sat 02-Mar-13 08:41:22

You are going halves on his rent and bills?!!!


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