Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MNHQ have commented on this thread

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 21 22

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MNHQ have commented on this thread

Relationships

To get annoyed at having to prompt dh for some money?

537 replies

WomanCalledAlice · 01/03/2013 15:57

I work FT and get paid monthly, dh gets paid weekly. My wage pays the bills/clothes the kids need etc. On a Friday when dh is paid he transfers money straight into my account for groceries. Today he transferred £100 so I went to Tesco and spent £70 on food for the week and put the other £30 in the meter for electric.

Now it's my friends birthday today and I'd like to buy her something nice and also my other friend had a baby on Monday so would have liked to buy her a little gift.

Every week it's more or less the same, he transfers money over but I just never have enough. When I ask him for more money he usually says "did you spent the whole £100"? But he always transfers more over its just the fact he questions me and I don't think I should have to ask.

I'm not out buying luxuries for myself (I wish) I'd just like a little bit of cash in my purse. AIBU?

I almost feel guilty for asking him

OP posts:

Report

squeakytoy · 01/03/2013 15:58

so what does the rest of his money go on, if all he pays is £100 a week?

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 01/03/2013 15:59

Who earns more?

mistlethrush · 01/03/2013 16:00

You need to sit down and write out all the incomings and outgoings and find out where the money (in general) is going. Then you need to find out what's happening to any money that he has left from his wage. Why does he have a separate account from yours if all the outgoings are from yours? You should both have an agreed level of money to spend at the end of the month once all bills (inc kids clothes etc) are covered.

WomanCalledAlice · 01/03/2013 16:04

He earns more than me. I'm on Minimum wage, he gets about £4 an hour more than me. He saves a bit of his wage for summer holidays and just keeps the rest I guess. As I said if I ask he will give me it but I don't feel I should have to ask.

OP posts:

BeebiesQueen · 01/03/2013 16:05

it depends what your budget is. dh transfers £162 into my account fortnightly to pay for grocries and the dc clothes. Sometimes I ask for more and dh will ask what for, just as when dh says I'm going to spend x from the joint account today I always ask what on too.

Its not a controll thing, its a we share our lives and money thing.

but it depens entirely what your budget is and weather dh gets spends etc too.

WomanCalledAlice · 01/03/2013 16:07

We have seperate accounts and a savings account that we just use for transfers etc. never got round to opening a joint account. Maybe we should.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 01/03/2013 16:08

sounds very unfair and unequal to me..

WomanCalledAlice · 01/03/2013 16:08

I think it's the fact he can nip into town on a Saturday and buy himself a top for example but I need to ask him for cash if I want to.

Definitely need to review the situation.

OP posts:

SkinnybitchWannabe · 01/03/2013 16:09

We've always had a joint account. Regardless of who earns what, my OH earns 4 times what I do but whatever is in the bank is ours.

foreverondiet · 01/03/2013 16:09

I agree with mistletrush - why should he have money left to spend if you don't. Need to have conversation about money.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 01/03/2013 16:10

You definitely need a joint account.

You should both have the same 'spending money' each month after groceries, bills, things for the children and regular savings are accounted for.

WomanCalledAlice · 01/03/2013 16:13

Also if he was to transfer £30 over just now and I went and bought the gifts for my friends I want to buy, on Sunday if I needed another Fiver for say a nail varnish , he'll say "have you spent all that I gave you on Friday". It grates on me.

OP posts:

EuroShaggleton · 01/03/2013 16:16

Yep, you need a joint account for joint expenses.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 01/03/2013 16:16

Are you really saying that you pay all the rent/mortgage, electric, council tax etc from your account, and your husband contributes just £400 a month from his salary (around £1500 a month maybe, from what you've said)?

MissCalamity · 01/03/2013 16:18

YANBU, this would really wind me up! It's almost like you have to justify wanting to spend a little bit of cash on yourself.

We have a joint account and pay in 60% of our net salaries, OH is also paid weekly so I just worked it out on a monthly basis (luckily he does leave all the money part to me!) and then the 40% of our salary is left to spend how we wish. OH earns £5k more a year than me, so it's definitely fairer to work it out on percentage rather than the same if we're earning different amounts.

WomanCalledAlice · 01/03/2013 16:18

Yeah boulevard. Apart from the electric, that's correct. what a mug I am

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 01/03/2013 16:19

If he is earning more may be he should be paying more than the food out of his earnings? Sounds a bit one-sided really.

Inertia · 01/03/2013 16:20

This is crazy - he earns more than you and only has to pay for food ?

You need to pay bills out of a joint account that you both pay into, in proportion to your income.

Instead of saying you need money to buy gifts, tell him you need him to transfer money to pay his share of the council tax / water rates /school uniform etc - because that's where the problem lies.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 01/03/2013 16:22

So ALL your salary goes on household bills, and he gets a grand a month to spend on himself?!

Er... how did this situation start in the first place?

BeebiesQueen · 01/03/2013 16:22

wow, then that does sound very unfair. You need to have a conversation. bills should be split according to earnings (imo) so approx 60/40. or all money should go in 1 account that all bills come out of and whats left gets split 50/50, depending on if you prefer to keep money separate.

But your current situation just doesnt sound quite right.

ENormaSnob · 01/03/2013 16:23

What are your outgoings per month in total inc food?

I would be expecting 50% from him tbh.

Sounds like he's taking the piss.

happyhorse · 01/03/2013 16:24

I am shocked by the unfairness of this. Why do you put up with working full time and having no money to call your own?

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

5madthings · 01/03/2013 16:24

Wtf you pay pretty much everything and he pays foir food yet he earns more?!!

We just have a joint account and dp doesn't question what I spend.

WomanCalledAlice · 01/03/2013 16:26

He used to obviously pay for everything when I was a SAHM, then we split up for a bit, I got a ft job, everything was set up in my account and when we got back together everything has stayed the same.

OP posts:

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 01/03/2013 16:28

What do you think would happen if you sat him down, talked him through the costs of running the house, and asked him to contribute more?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 21 22

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.