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To get annoyed at having to prompt dh for some money?

(538 Posts)
WomanCalledAlice Fri 01-Mar-13 15:57:13

I work FT and get paid monthly, dh gets paid weekly. My wage pays the bills/clothes the kids need etc. On a Friday when dh is paid he transfers money straight into my account for groceries. Today he transferred £100 so I went to Tesco and spent £70 on food for the week and put the other £30 in the meter for electric.

Now it's my friends birthday today and I'd like to buy her something nice and also my other friend had a baby on Monday so would have liked to buy her a little gift.

Every week it's more or less the same, he transfers money over but I just never have enough. When I ask him for more money he usually says "did you spent the whole £100"? But he always transfers more over its just the fact he questions me and I don't think I should have to ask.

I'm not out buying luxuries for myself (I wish) I'd just like a little bit of cash in my purse. AIBU?

I almost feel guilty for asking him confused

What do you think would happen if you sat him down, talked him through the costs of running the house, and asked him to contribute more?

FelicityWasCold Fri 01-Mar-13 16:28:40

Why are you doing this? Sounds crazy. You pay for everything bar the grocery bill? And he earns more?


Get a joint account tomorrow. Or LTB. Or change the arrangement around so that he pays for everything except groceries. Chose one of those options OP but don't allow this to continue.

toddlerama Fri 01-Mar-13 16:30:31

alice this needs changing. I can see how you've drifted into it, but if you are staying together you need a joint account. Either everything goes in one pot or you pay equitable proportions in to cover the bills. There is no way in hell a grown man hasn't realised what a ridiculously unfair situation this is.

WomanCalledAlice Fri 01-Mar-13 16:33:22

Boulevard, he probably would turn it into an argument. I think he's under the impression I squander money on crap.

I'm definitely going to speak to him tonight. Kids are away to my parents for a sleepover and I'm sitting with £3 in my purse and fancy a glass or 5 of wine, he's not home until 8pm...

thebody Fri 01-Mar-13 16:33:40

Errrrr you need to get a grip of him love.

Fuck this putting a bit into your account!!!

One pot for all money for both to have access to...

End of..

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 01-Mar-13 16:34:27

Why did you split up?

WomanCalledAlice Fri 01-Mar-13 16:39:19

We split up due to infidelity on his part. I was better off financially when we split actually.

I should add he pays for the kids clubs/activities which is about £30 per week . Whoopi doo! Oh and his beloved car his paid by him.

I was afraid you might say that.

By the way, if his weekly pre-tax salary is £400 (and assuming you have 2 DC together), his CSA payment would be £64 a week if you were to split up.
And you wouldn't be feeding him out of that.

Something to bear in mind maybe.

(x-post, i was referring to the argument)

hugoagogo Fri 01-Mar-13 16:40:34

Even if you don't want a joint account and they don't work for everyone, he should be paying half the bills and rent as well as the cash for food and kids clothes he is giving you now.

He is acting like you are living off him, when really he is living off you. hmm

WomanCalledAlice Fri 01-Mar-13 16:43:07

Yeah, something to think about. We have 3 children smile

I had to cancel my first hair dressers app in a year last week as he was at work and forgot to transfer the money grr'

Losingexcessweight Fri 01-Mar-13 16:49:11

Wow just wow.

Lueji Fri 01-Mar-13 16:49:39

Why exactly are you back with him?

His control over his money is not healthy for a relationship.

expatinscotland Fri 01-Mar-13 16:50:48

'We split up due to infidelity on his part. I was better off financially when we split actually.

I should add he pays for the kids clubs/activities which is about £30 per week . Whoopi doo! Oh and his beloved car his paid by him.'

And you will be again.

It always blows my mind how people get back with gits like this and put up with behaviour like this.

WomanCalledAlice Fri 01-Mar-13 16:51:06

I've been questioning that a lot recently lueji

HecateWhoopass Fri 01-Mar-13 16:55:33

good grief.

He's got a good life, hasn't he?

You really pay practically everything and earn less than him and he questions you about the little he does contribute?

From the comfort of the home you are paying for?

And he couldn't even keep it in his pants. sad

Yes, you are right. You are a mug. Is this really the life you want?

LadyPessaryPam Fri 01-Mar-13 17:04:28

Well OP he sounds like a true catch. I would get rid of him TBH.

crashdoll Fri 01-Mar-13 17:09:42

Get rid, you are worth more than that. sad

WomanCalledAlice Fri 01-Mar-13 17:11:17

Wrt to the cheating, it took a lot for me to even consider it, I never thought I believed in second chances but he was genuinely sorry and worked hard to win back my trust. I became quite seriously ill after we split and I guess depended on him quite a bit.

Maybe now he is under the impression I need him so badly that he can act like this with his cash, I don't know.

TheCrackFox Fri 01-Mar-13 17:13:59

Maybe point out that if he had to move into his own flat and pay the CSA it would leave him with very little money at the end of the month. £400 is an utter pittance. Tell him to piss off.

oldraver Fri 01-Mar-13 17:16:53

Crikey he gets food, lodgings all bills paid and his cock sucked for £103 per week ?

Wow, just wow

Phineyj Fri 01-Mar-13 17:24:04

My DH does not 'do' finances and often expresses surprise at how much our joint expenses are -- but as we do pay them jointly it's surprising how far you can get with 'well I'll give up X if you give up Y'. As he never wants to 'give up Y'! Do show him what the money goes on each month -- it is not respectful of him to be making you justify ordinary expenditure like a child asking for pocket money.

WomanCalledAlice Fri 01-Mar-13 17:26:20

That's what I feel like, a child.

malteserzz Fri 01-Mar-13 17:27:44

I could not live like that having to ask for money ! I hope you get it sorted

wheredidiputit Fri 01-Mar-13 17:33:15

I would list a list of all your outgoings and your salary. Then I would list all of his outgoings and salary.

Then I would add all joint expenses and divide in two, he pays 50% of all household costs.

If he doesn't want to then I would ask him to leave. But reminding him he will have to pay 15% - 25% of his salary (depending on how many children you have) plus his own household costs.

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