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Dating thread 44

(1000 Posts)
lubeybooby Fri 01-Mar-13 09:46:59

Here we go - all dating chat here!

OhWesternWind Fri 01-Mar-13 16:24:39

Yep, Snape and Bloke things aren't going well for LM at the moment. I feel bad about landing my shit on him too, but I had to take a stand. There's all the stuff about his dad, his shop fitters are late, all this stuff yesterday, some other work stuff going on, and now me. He must be feeling very low.

Thanks for saying that about my dd Bloke. I hope my dad would have been really proud of her. She's worked hard.

lubeybooby Fri 01-Mar-13 16:31:10

Exactly oww whatever he has going on you have your own stuff too and shouldn't just be quiet about it just because he isn't having a great time either. As was mentioned yesterday, and in your text to him - relationships are about mutual support.

lubeybooby Fri 01-Mar-13 16:32:05

and it isn't exactly a difficult or stressful thing to turn up and have a nice hug. It really isn't asking him to climb everest.

ike1 Fri 01-Mar-13 16:35:02

Thing is though he might feel silly about the trouble he has got himself into and therefore find it difficult to talk about? Especially if annoyed with himself.

lubeybooby Fri 01-Mar-13 16:41:05

I can't stand people who can't say sorry. It's ridiculous. He needs to grow up and sort it the fuck out. It is not difficult and there is NO excuse for an adult to be so pathetic.

Poppysquad Fri 01-Mar-13 16:41:08

Please help, dear MNers. I am pretty confused. I told you last week that SD asked me over to his house to let me know that it wasn't working for him and that he didn't have the feelings for me that indicated that ours was a long term relationship. Tears.Anger.Self analysis. I am sure you can imagine how I was, I did let you all know.
That was last Wednesday. Friday evening he called over to my house to help me put some furniture together that he had helped me measure up for. Sunday he texted me saying he could come over Monday and help too, so he did. Wednesday he texted me to tell me there was a programe on telly that he had spotted that I might like to watch. Thursday (last night), I spoke to him on the phone for quite a while. Saturday he is coming round at 10 to go out walking with me.
We have not spoken a great deal about things - and certainly not on Monday, but he did make a couple of comments - he does still have feelings for me, (I told that I know), he thinks he's a silly old man and that he had been frightened off. I didn't really react too much to this. Our reltionship did get pretty intense quite quickly, staying at his house when my DS was at his dads, weekends away and calls everyday. But I certainly didn't share any thoughts with him about it being forever, and I took care not to plan things too far into the future with him.
I have desperately been trying to play it cool. Not contacting him unles we pre-agreed. But it is frustrating.
Arghhhhh. He has made no move on me, just a big hug and a quick kiss before he left both times. He is perfectly friendly with me - is this what it is? Friends? Or are we together? Do I tackle him about it and run the danger of frightening him off again? Am I a free agent?
I know I should just be patient and wait and see how things go - but what do you think?

lubeybooby Fri 01-Mar-13 16:41:50

especially when they know what harm they have caused too and agree it wasn't on.

Snapespeare Fri 01-Mar-13 16:45:03

you only 'feel bad' at 'landing your shit' on him because you are a lovely person who, even if they have their own shit going on, is still considerative of the feelings of other people. I'm starting to think he doesnt deserve you. <glares>

In saying he probably doesn't feel up to talking, having realised he's being a bit of a fannybaws, I am in no way attempting to excuse him. angry

lubeybooby Fri 01-Mar-13 16:45:32

Poppy again this is a grown adult being pathetic (him). Don't tiptoe around him just ask. It really shouldn't be like that in the early days. It should be all loved up and no question of feelings. I have a horrible feeling you could be wasting your time hanging around, so you need to know what the fuck exactly he is playing at.

And if the answer is still the same then be very angry at his comments leading you on.

Oohh I'm in a grrrr mood today.

OhWesternWind Fri 01-Mar-13 16:47:06

No we have heard quite a lot about trouble at t'shop in great and varied detail. But I think he must have misread the lease or something leading to all this stuff yesterday so maybe that's why he is being very reticent. And he myst have had letters about it which he must have ignored. He is worried about money as well.

I feel really bad for him, would help him out if I could even if just listening, have told him that.

But yes, doesn't take much to turn up for a chat and a hug. I can see though how he got all caught up with the bailiff stuff. It's the not contacting me that's the real problem, so inconsiderate. I hope this might even end up improving things. But I'm getting anxious now that it all means he doesn't care, no point carrying on if he's not going to sort it out.

Snapespeare Fri 01-Mar-13 16:48:54

I'm on the train now btw. off to my favourite bed arms. grin wink will report in. <blows kiss to thread> you are all fab. x

OhWesternWind Fri 01-Mar-13 16:50:51

Hope he has his red trews on for you ... but not for too long!

lubeybooby Fri 01-Mar-13 16:50:56

Woohoo snape have a great time grin

OhWesternWind Fri 01-Mar-13 16:53:06

Poppy you need to straighten it out with him before you go any further. Would you be happy just being friends?

MirandaWest Fri 01-Mar-13 16:55:21

Have a great time Snape smile

MirandaWest Fri 01-Mar-13 17:01:10

Have been mystery shopping today. Need to do reports. Am unmotivated. Mr Nice coming round later and would like to have done them by then but is unlikely. He is happy to sit and mess about with iPad though smile

He is likely to be a little befuddled as has just ended one job and will be seeing his ex wife tomorrow as she is moving back here today (he thinks). She still has stuff in his garage which needs to be not there. He's only seen her a few times in the past nearly year. I see XH rather more often than feels ok but as there is much passing of 9 and 7 year olds this is probably par for the course.

Am going to watch Quartet tomorrow lunch time in nice cinema and will take a Boots Meal Deal with me smile

OhWesternWind Fri 01-Mar-13 17:08:23

Actually, having written that post, it's quite worrying that he got himself in this position. Surely if you have a debt you will be given a lot of chances to pay it off before it gets to the bailiff stage? I'm finding it quite difficult to imagine how he got himself in this situation in the first place as he must have misread something or else deliberately not paid the rent on the shop. And then ignored all the warning letters. Hmm I am beginning to see why he didn't tell me.

This is very worrying. Ex was crap with money and did this kind of thing with frightening regularity. Ended up having totally separate finances. One thing I like(d) about LM is that I thought he was financially sorted and responsible but I'm not sure that is the case.

lubeybooby Fri 01-Mar-13 17:44:38

Do you think he might be depressed OWW? Just symptoms I had years ago were of the burying my head in the sand, inertia type. Maybe it's that.

It still isn't an excuse but maybe a mitigating circumstance if so. And if so he needs to readily accept things like meds, counselling, and debt management type stuff.

If not then he might just be perpetually crap with money and the type who just can't apologise (which i loathe)

OhWesternWind Fri 01-Mar-13 17:54:00

Yes, I think he's depressed. He was seeing a counsellor when I first met him but got discharged. He won't go back or go on meds because of work issues which I can't talk about here. So yes, this is another thing I'm trying to juggle with in this whole mess.

He's actually pretty well off, nice lifestyle, huge expensive house, cleaner, gardener, nice cars, dcs at private school, nice holidays etc. Can't see how he got where he is today by being crap with money. His ex didn't work so all the earning power was his and he has done alright for himself. But he's not worked for a while with setting the new business up so is spending a lot more than he's earning at the moment.

JulietteMontague Fri 01-Mar-13 17:59:31

Poppy I'm sorry he has given you mixed messages. My gut feel with him is that he is rather entitled, it has been on his terms and still is. So he thinks he can wine and dine you, have you over to his place when it suits and then drop you like a stone for whatever reason? Sorry, I don't mean to be harsh and maybe him calling himself Sugar Daddy has put me off him (I may have that out of proportion but it speaks volumes about his attitudes imo) but I do think you deserve better than than him.

Western stay firm, ball is in his court. I know its difficult as you are imagining the worst but calling him when he already should have called you back won't change anything, it is up to him to sort himself out.

OhWesternWind Fri 01-Mar-13 18:06:11

I'm not going to crumble Juliette - at least I am unwavering at the moment. May have the urge to do something stupid around 11pm after too many rums .... someone stop me!

Been looking at photos of my dad. Christ, he looks so young. Only 49 when he died. Lovely man (but my mum led him a right dance).

OhWesternWind Fri 01-Mar-13 18:08:03

I'm going to put a photo on FB of my dad tomorrow as a remembrance of him, so I hope some of you will have a chance to see him. :-)

Scrazy Fri 01-Mar-13 18:22:39

Place marking. I've had an eventful day off work today and am going to be busy for a while. Thinking about deleting my POF account as I don't want to date for a couple of months and will be busy.

Lubey, what amazing vibes are you throwing out at the moment. Can you share it? I get you about BC, just had my serious head on yesterday. I had flashbacks this morning about the last time with the ex, over 2 months, eek and yep I am definitely wanting grin.

Snape, have a lovely time tonight.

Western, I am sorry you feel let down, but agree with the others to give it a bit of time before you make decisions and see what happens. You are right to assert yourself for the future though.

Waves to everyone else.

lubeybooby Fri 01-Mar-13 18:40:31

Scrazy yeah, it feels good grin I promise if BC had done anything wrong or wasn't what I wanted I wouldn't go near him. But as far as I can see in the situation, having calmed down and assessed what him being back actually means, I think it's all good just to go ahead and shag him. <shrug> and hurrah for that, because he's damned good at it grin

OWW that explains a lot then - definitely not an excuse though and he really needs to get on top of the situation. Good that he isn't just naturally crap with money, much better sign than otherwise anyway.

Scrazy Fri 01-Mar-13 18:43:13

Lubey, my iron knickers were firmly on yesterday when I suggested you take it easy. All it takes is a couple of months for my frustration empathy to come out.

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