Hello, I'm new I really need some friendly advice and I need to know what other people think about my situation, am so confused. Been divorced 4 years, 3 kids, youngest is 5, have been in a relationship with a man for 2 yrs 8 months. He is lovely and I thought to start with he was the soulmate I had been missing. However, it has been stormy all the way. He has been separated for 4 years, has always said he will divorce his wife eventually but this keeps getting put off as yet another 'boring chore'. They are still very good friends (unlike myself and my ex who I don't communicate with) and his goal he says is to keep the family unit as together as he possibly can without his wife and himself actually living together, he lives alone, his 3 kids are grown up/teenagers.
Basically I have had two and a half years of him spending Xmas Day, Easter Day, all the 3 kids birthdays in his wife's house, just the 5 of them. This has been tough but have got used to it, just about!
Tonight is the eve of my birthday. We both originally took annual leave to spend the day together, then 6 weeks ago his grown up daughter dropped the bombshell that she was going travelling alone for 10 weeks, departing on my birthday. He and his wife are taking her to the airport which although only a 90 minute drive away is going to take all day, he will be gone all afternoon and won't be coming home until late evening.
We are on the verge of ending things, he says we can't go on with me making him feel guilty and I feel I can't constantly feel at the bottom of the list. I think he has no empathy with how lonely and let down I feel and he just shouts at me about how his little girl is going away and he is worried about her. I do understand this, but just feel there is never a time for any compromise and I am going through life being second best constantly. My colleagues and family assume I am spending the day with him but I have to explain he will actually be at the airport with his wife and daughter all day/evening of my birthday. I feel things will always be the same and don't know whether to walk away. I keep things pretty equal between my kids and the time I spend with him, actually probably get them off to bed quickly sometimes just so I can spend time with him ... I feel like such an idiot. Have seen similar posts where women are attacked for not understanding that their other half is a good person for being a good dad, please don't get at me for this post, I just feel really low and confused....Every time he sees me when only convenient with his kids' arrangements I feel kicked in the stomach....
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Relationships
Help, don't know how to cope anymore with partners' kids AlWAYS coming first!
SusannahHG · 27/02/2013 23:32
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