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Grumpy husband, takes stress out on me.

(28 Posts)
BonaDrag Wed 27-Feb-13 20:46:04

We have one child, eleven months. I'm on mat leave for another month.

If he has a stressful day/loses his keys/insert other trivial thing here, then I bear the brunt.

Example tonight he comes in after working late, huffing and puffing and mumbling. I asked him what's wrong and he just stares ahead and continues stomping around.

I react by being rather quiet and he asks me (impatiently) what the matter is. I said I wondered the same about him and he yells that I'm not the only one who is tired even though I think I am.

Ok, I'm tired, but I never even said I was!

Last week he lost his car keys and you'd think it was all my fault..

He's all smiles and civility personified at work and to his friends, it just seems that I get the bad side. EVERY evening he complains. Be it a headache or exhaustion. He's wearing me down.

It's like he hangs his fiddle up behind the door when he comes home and changes.

He is taking his stress out on me- and it's unfair. But if I challenge him he flies off the handle.

His actions tell me he doesn't even like me.

How do I handle this? Surely life is too short.

MrsSpagBol Fri 01-Mar-13 18:00:38

Can you put it in writing? As a last ditch attempt? Literally spell it out - what he does, when, how it makes you feel. Hand it over in a quiet ,moment. Just saying that as he sounds like he tunes you out when you speak. Nothing like black and white sometimes?

silverstaresatnight Fri 01-Mar-13 18:57:06

I have same difficulty Bona . Sadly I don't know how to change him and wen too much is too much.

BonaDrag Sat 02-Mar-13 08:56:51

I'm sorry to hear that Silver.

I have told him everything about how his behaviour is unacceptable, how it makes me feel and that my love for him was not unconditional.

He was quiet as I explained that I didn't see the point in relationships that don't add value to your life in some way and I didn't feel that ours did while he behaved the way he was.

I told him that he had to treat me with the respect I deserved otherwise I was done. (I mean this- it's not empty words.)

I said if he could be civil and courteous to his ex who treated him like dirt then what was the problem with me? I told him while he may not value me, lots of other people do and I want to be with people who don't speak to me like does.

He was quiet and looked ashamed. He said he was sorry for being a prick. FGS after all I said that was the best he could muster!

Thank you kind people for your advice. It has helped a lot. I have laid it on the line and its up to him what he does now.

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