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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Who is in the right?

165 replies

DSM · 25/02/2013 19:48

I am on my phone so will try to keep brief but not drip feed..

DP and I have just had a big row. Some facts: we don't have much money. We don't see each other a lot as I work shifts. He doesn't see his friends as much as I see mine. Neither of us go out drinking often, but I do more than him.

In the past 9 days I have had 4 nights out. All have been planned for a long time, all were without him and all happened to be around the same time.

He spent the weekend cooking batches of food. I came home after a few drinks on two occasions and ate a lot of it. Today I basically ate the rest

He is livid. Furious that I have had 4 nights out in quick succession, furious that I have spent a lot of money, furious that I ate all the food and he has to cook again tonight. He says I don't consider him and I am being selfish.

I agreed that it was selfish to eat all the food but I was sorry, and I didn't agree with the other points as it was coincidental that 4 planned events were close together; this is not the norm!

He is very angry - to the point of threatening to leave which he won't but he's never said anything like that before, nor have I.

I think he is hugely overreacting, but I need some opinions.

OP posts:

Report

KidderminsterKate · 25/02/2013 19:51

I think you're wrong

very selfish to eat food he'd prepared for family meals and if u are short of cash then having 4 nights out and boozing is also selfish

NoUseForAName · 25/02/2013 19:51

Is this a reverse thread? Because if I was your dh I'd feel pretty pissed off too!

CrapBag · 25/02/2013 19:52

I think it sounds like you take him for granted.

So you work shifts and can't see him much but you have time to see your friends, more than he does his. He spent a weekend cooking whilst you pissed it up and you came and ate it all. Yes the events were preplanned but you didn't have to go to all 4 of them. It sounds like you have more time for your friends than him and I am not surprised he is pissed off.

It sounds like this isn't a one off for him, but rather he is at the end of his tether.

He isn't higely overreacting, you are treating your relationship as something that is convenient when you want it there and to be free to do as you wish when you wish.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 25/02/2013 19:53

I think you are in the wrong.

akaemmafrost · 25/02/2013 19:55

Whoever did this is very selfish. I too think this is a reverse thread.

On the lash every other day for 9 days? Eat all the food prepared to last a few weeks, yes? Because pissed up?

How is that behaviour not incredibly selfish and inconsiderate? I'd be livid with you.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 25/02/2013 19:57

You are indisputably in the wrong.

kinkyfuckery · 25/02/2013 19:59

I also think this reads like a reverse thread.

By your OP - your DP is in the right.

CrazyOldCatLady · 25/02/2013 20:03

Definitely reverse! The poor unfortunate who did all the cooking is in the right.

Fairylea · 25/02/2013 20:03

If you are very short of money you should have cancelled some of the nights out and if they were ticketed (ie concerts) you could have sold the tickets and probably made quite a profit.

There is no excuse for spending money you don't have unless it is literally for a family emergency.

I would be very annoyed if I'd worked hard to batch cook some meals and you'd eaten it ALL without even speaking with me about it. How rude.

Where is the consideration and family communication here ?

izzyizin · 25/02/2013 20:05

Are you always this selfish and greedy?

I wouldn't give two hoots if a dp did their own thing for 4 nights out of 9 but I'd be hopping mad if they came home pissed or sober and scoffed all of the food I'd spent a weekend lovingly preparing with the intention of it feeding both of us for a while.

You owe him a mahoosive grovelling apology, not to mention replacing all of the ingredients you pigged out on, and it would be only fair for you to spend a couple of days/nights in the kitchen and repay the consideration he showed you by cooking for him.

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected · 25/02/2013 20:06

I can see how these dates mounted up, but if money is short, perhaps it might have been prudent to drop at least one of them.

From what you say regarding the food - it doesn't sound as if you have any respect for your boyfriend whatsoever. Big shame on you!

You couldn't blame if he didn't bother to do that again, could you?

I think you need to really apologise and think of something to make amends sharpish!

50shadesofmeh · 25/02/2013 20:12

You are taking the piss OP , do you think he is there to prepare dinner for you when you decide to swan through the door . I'd be v annoyed.

slambang · 25/02/2013 20:13

I'm on his side.

TimidLivid · 25/02/2013 20:16

wrong for eating all the food but he shouldent leave he should let you make it up to him and get through it

Canihavesomemore · 25/02/2013 20:30

Are u my dh? If so u are an arse phew have been wanting to say that

SolidGoldBrass · 25/02/2013 20:33

This is definitely a reverse AIBU as no one could be that smug and blinkered.

Midwife99 · 25/02/2013 20:34

Sorry it's unanimous by the looks of it. Ok if the 4 nights out happened to come together but you haven't been out since Christmas, but to eat all the food he batch cooked for the family yourself was really selfish. I think you need to get batch cooking tonight to restock that freezer don't you?!!

DSM · 25/02/2013 20:35

Ha ha, no I'm not this selfish normally. I agree it was selfish. I still think he is over reacting.

I couldn't cancel any of the events, for various reasons (one was work related, one was tickets to a show with a friend and was my birthday present, one was a fundraiser I'd helped organise and one was dinner with friends who travelled here specifically for it).

Oh, and not a reverse thread. This really was all me.

He does most of the cooking anyway because I work shifts.

So he is definitely in the right with this reaction?

OP posts:

FiveGoMadInDorset · 25/02/2013 20:36

Yes.

DSM · 25/02/2013 20:37

Just to clarify - he hadn't cooked shedloads of food - he'd made a big tub of chilli and some chicken casserole. Would have been enough for 2 meals. I just ate it all.

OP posts:

waltermittymissus · 25/02/2013 20:38

If this is not a reverse then you are an utter piss taker and he is SO in the right it's most laughable.

CatelynStark · 25/02/2013 20:40

It sounds like he's at the end of his tether. I think you've got some apologising to do.

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EnjoyResponsibly · 25/02/2013 20:42

The going out thing YANBU.

The food eating YABU. Mightily.

Why couldn't you have cooked dinner for him after eating everything else?

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 25/02/2013 20:42

He is in the right.

Midwife99 · 25/02/2013 20:42

Yup - start cooking! Start apologising!

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