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'Letter to my husband's lover' from the Guardian

(62 Posts)
toysintheattic Mon 25-Feb-13 18:34:13

Came across this article from the Guardian:

I found it really poignant and thought I would share, might help get through difficult times.

Whatsthefuture Mon 25-Feb-13 20:00:03

Thank you for posting that.

Mrsgorgeous Mon 25-Feb-13 20:27:23

Yes, it applies to many.
A year ago today for me. The 24th was the last night we shared under the same roof. I had no idea of the evil being played out behind my back!
My family and I have come a long way in one year and are stronger and closer than ever before. That is not the case for him.

Buffy12 Mon 25-Feb-13 20:55:39

That letter gave me chills. How long does it take for anger, sadness and betrayal go away?

RandallPinkFloyd Mon 25-Feb-13 21:08:27

Wow, she's a lot more articulate and rational than I am.

Buffy12 Mon 25-Feb-13 21:09:55

Me too. Not sure I could get that all down on paper without rambling

Buffy12 Mon 25-Feb-13 21:12:09

Me too. Not sure I could get that all down on paper without rambling

Moanranger Mon 25-Feb-13 21:23:48

Resonance! My H announced he no longer loved me 10 days before my B-day, cancelling a planned outing to a favourite hotel. Also, our next anniversary would have been 25 th. No celebrating for me this year. No idea if there is OW, but it makes little difference. I share her goals, though.

Buffy12 Mon 25-Feb-13 21:28:47

25th? Jeez! Awful!

Fleecyslippers Mon 25-Feb-13 21:28:48

Amazing sad

raenbow Mon 25-Feb-13 22:55:19

Resisting the urge to forward this to STBXH as this is JUST how I feel !

Cherriesarelovely Mon 25-Feb-13 22:58:08

I read that OP. It made me feel very sad indeed but, as you say, probably describes how many people feel. Very well written.

Skyebluesapphire Mon 25-Feb-13 23:14:27

That letter hits home on so many points for me too and other comments on here. XH left on 24 feb, came back because I begged him and we had a holiday planned for DD's birthday. It was my 40th a fortnight later. He left again at Easter.

I too had saved money for a lovely holiday later in the year for my birthday, since spent on heating oil and legal fees to remortgage my house.

I too, hope to feel very differently 12 months on again..

jynier Mon 25-Feb-13 23:29:36

This is so sad! I adore my XP and had no idea that he was leading a double life for several years!

I would love to tell the OW how I feel; cheers, OP.

jynier Mon 25-Feb-13 23:31:03

Anniversary tomorrow of our first meeting!

ike1 Mon 25-Feb-13 23:39:17

I still feel rubbish after 3.5 years ...hollow inside sometimes and very aware of being alone. ExH still with OW and about to jet off for a fun filled holiday in the sun...

jynier Tue 26-Feb-13 00:48:10

ike1 - It's awful, isn't it? I love my XP with all my heart; wish that there was an "unlove" button in our brain.

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 00:57:34

Yep, I would like to have an erase button so that I can magically forget all the lovely times especially the family ones.

mercury7 Tue 26-Feb-13 01:07:45

there's a film about that...kate winslet was in it, the something something mind..oh what was it called?? confused

BOF Tue 26-Feb-13 01:09:53

Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind.

mercury7 Tue 26-Feb-13 01:13:24


jynier Tue 26-Feb-13 01:56:42

My XP and the OW are well-known in their own fields; I exploded with anger and wrath when I discovered the extent of deceit and made it public on the 'net. They (he) called in the police for harassment!!!

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 09:37:54

Oh dear Jyn and this is part of the issue really because what they have done is so unfair and yet there is little you can do to express your anger and disappointment. The only routes really are writing and counselling its such I damaging experience.

I find it very very difficult to have any empathy at all for the OW threads on here sometimes when they are moaning and complaining and have to stop myself from ripping the t..ts to shreds. I hold them both equally responsible, you see.

Skyebluesapphire Tue 26-Feb-13 10:28:55

ike1 and jynier

I understand how you feel, but it seems that a lot of people don't. after 12 months, I still love my XH and cannot just switch those feelings off. Everybody seems to expect you to be able to "forget it and move on", but its not that easy when its your feelings that are involved is it?

As much as I hate him for walking out on me and for becoming obsessed with OW, I can't stop thinking about the good times and the loss of what the future should have held.

ike1 Tue 26-Feb-13 11:08:48

Yes Skye and that is where the erase button would be very handy. You can deal with the present but its the memories of what 'appeared' to be a reasonable relationship with the father of your children is what I find hard to take.

That, and in my case, like the author of the article, having to deal with the flourishing relationship that the exH and OW now have. It seems they have all the great holidays, family time and together time any couple could want. Where the person who is left has to deal with the grief, emptiness and loss in all areas of their life. I dont know what I have done to 'deserve' this in my life but it really is an absolutely dreadful place to be and I wouldnt wish it on anyone.

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