I mean without that regret being tied to some form of depression?
I have two children, who are wonderful little people but I really should never have had them. I was very young when my eldest was born (18 but very young emotionally), I was very neglectful of his emotional needs and did not engage very well with him. I never connected with him and still don't really feel like his mother, it's as though he is someone else's child that I am caring for. I realised these feelings weren't normal when I had my other child and although I'm not bowled over with emotion, being a mum definitely comes more naturally with the younger child.
I'm racked with guilt over the way I behaved when the eldest was very young, I (just about) made sure his basic physical needs were dealt with but I didn't/couldn't engage with him in the way that a mother 'should'. I struggled to adjust to motherhood, I suppose that part of me shut down and I tried to continue my life as though I wasn't a mother.
I'm certain that the way the eldest is now (8 years old) is a result of this neglect, he does not maintain eye contact when speaking to others and is very awkward when it comes to cuddling or having close contact with others, he is quirky in a number of other ways too but academically seems to do fairly well.
I don't know how to move forward from this guilt, the way I behaved was horrendous and I really have no idea how social services did not end up involved and removing him from my care. Things are much better now, I put the children's needs first, do not drink alcohol or smoke and I'm focused on much more positive things than going out and getting wasted every weekend!! But even so, I still can't shake the feeling that I should never have had children.
I realise there probably aren't many people who have parented as badly as I have (although it would be great to hear from others who have turned their lives around and completely changed) but does anyone else regret having children? I don't think my feelings are part of any mental health issues, the feeling of regret is quite constant, even when things are going well I am always aware that I have made very poor choices. I feel really guilty for bringing my children into the world, they don't deserve any of this.
This is not something I feel I can discuss irl, I don't think I need a doctor/counsellor iyswim? These feelings are normal for me, I just need to know how to handle them so that they don't impact (any more) on my children. Maybe some self help book suggestions would help?!
phew that was long, apologies for rambling!
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Is it possible to regret having children, full stop?
9 replies
ProjectMoose · 22/02/2013 23:56
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