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Please help: What would you do?(128 Posts)
What would you do if you had an ex partner like this, who had virtually no relationship with your child and you had been court ordered to present your child for direct unsupervsed contact.
Verbally abusive such as screaming in your face that you're a f****g c**t and that he's sick of hearing about the f****g baby while you're carrying that child.
Emotionally abusive...threatening you if you see any friends family anyone etc etc etc
Physically threatening (over and over) ..standing over you screaming, with his fists clenched that he's going to put you in hospital, put your head through the f****g window, kill you while you're curled up in a ball crying
Sexually abusive ..while you're still crying and curled up in a ball forces you to have sex
Who also pays nothing in child support despite being court ordered to do so.
Would you break the order and risk enforcement?
Thanks Scarlet and sea I'll post back what happens with the application.
Yellowbrick there's been so much progress in DV but the courts seem to be stuck in a time warp. I very much felt like the judge could do/say what he wanted and there was nothing I could do. As for the media, it would be so good to do something like that as there must be so many others going through the same
Forgot to add to PM good luck with that letter today, you are so brave and I truly hope all these new rules out to protect women in your current situation start doing their job for you and DS.
Just want to add my best wishes to the others babyhammock. By fighting on in this way you are helping a lot of other women out there and I admire your strength so much.
As someone said upthread most people probably have no idea how women are being treated by the courts - at a time when the authorities are all supposed to be working together to put an end to Domestic Violence experiences like your could set the process back years.
Whatever happens I definitely think you should go to the media with this - maybe get together with some of the other posters on here and take it to 'Women's Hour' or 'You and Yours' (R4) and the press. People like your ex and this bastard of a judge can't be allowed to wreak havoc in someone's life and get away with it.
Really hope this works, babyhammock. You are being so courageous and determined.
Sending you my very very best wishes xx
Cherries I will definitely and I'll let you know what happens.
Thanks again x
Well done, brilliant job. I am so pleased on your behalf that people are helping you. I know I keep saying it but your situation is truly heartrending and I hope you will continue to come back and lean on MN for support in the coming weeks/months. Hate to think of you coping with this alone. Sorry, if you already said but do you have family close by who can also support you?
Thanks trust I will.
Ah Cherries letter's finished and I've literally just sealed it in the envelope. I'll send it special delivery tomorrow.
I can't express how much everyone on this thread has helped x
Also wondering how you are doing? Is your letter going off tomorrow? I will have everything crossed for you. It would seem that everyone who reads your thread is as incredulous as we have all been. Thank god for MN and thank god your son has such an intelligent, courageous mother.
That judge, was clearly not doing his job properly. It is so wrong that just because of who is he he has been able to get away with that and you are suffering the consequences.
How you doing this evening OP? Glad my info may be some help to you...let me know if you get anything positive from it.
Beryl I'm pretty sure my ex isn't, however he is one of these people who just seems to get away with stuff . As for the fact fine judge and the high court judge...who knows? I felt at the time like it was a bit of an old boys network.
Trust issues Thank you so much. I think he was lying at worse and 'deliberately' misleading for what ever axe it was he wanted to grind at best. I've written the following as part of my letter to the ECHR:
(((I believe this judge was dangerously biased and I appealed to the High Court of Appeal in London for a re-trial on the following grounds providing a detailed skeleton argument in support of them:
1.The exercise of the judges discretion was vitiated by factual error
2.The judge denied me natural justice by refusing to admit witness evidence
3.The judge acted beyond a reasonable exercise of discretion and failed to provide adequate reasons for the decisions
4.The judge failed to consider relevant facts and considered irrelevant facts
5.The judge erred in the weight applied to evidence
I was invited for an oral hearing at the High Court of Appeal on 6th September 2012.
Permission to appeal was refused and this order was rubber stamped the 18th September 2012. I was told verbally by the High Court that I had absolutely no further route of appeal domestically.
I do not believe that the judge who conducted the fact find was impartial and as such I do not believe I had a fair hearing.)))
As for the electoral role, I'm not on any part of it that can be made public and I've changed my number, car etc. If I do move again I will probably change my name as well.
I really really really hope that your ex just stays away.
Needles thank you.
Seaofyou I do know what you're saying, but so much evidence was already ignored that to put Ds in a situation to try and get more, I just can't do it. What's the IJ website?
I have no advice, OP, but just wanted to say you seem absolutely lovely, a great mum and a brave woman.
He LIED - the judge lied on official court documents...sorry, I just can't believe that, I really can't.....in a rhetorical sense, I completely believe you say that happened...it's just almost surreal...
I'm sorry, I'm reading your thread in bits and pieces because I have problems remembering things but I just had to comment on this post you made:
"No I haven't had a section 7 report. The whole cafcass thing was awful and I complained as the officer had made so many mistakes. It went to the parliamentary ombudsman and they upheld my complaint in full and cafcass said that the officer in question had to be re-trained in DV. They didn't give me a new officer though and on the day of the hearing the judge said that he was not going to consider the complaint against cafcass at all..no reason.
The cafcass offcer said in court he didn't believe me (he came up with the most stupid reason not to) but if he had he would have recommended no contact.
Judge disregarded that and wrote in his judgement that I had not challenged Cafcass (I had and it had been upheld in full by the PO) and that he was a well respected officer (ignoring that cafcass's own recommendations were that he was re-trained)
My comment is: What the Fuck?! Is this judge and your ex in cahoots together? DO they both happen to be freemasons? Part of some sort of good-old-boys club? My jaw literally dropped when I read this. At the very best this has to be incompetence on the judge's part...but let me guess.There's no recourse because judges are God and must not be challenged. I'm incensed for you, I really am.
Hi there...been reading more of your post....it's just so unbelievable and makes me quake in my boots for the day my vile ex comes to the UK courts - reading this tells me I won't stand a chance.
I'm surprised your local MP won't give you some sort of help...mine were great, but maybe that was because I was up against what was, in their off the record opinon, a "nasty little American" who needed to be told he couldn't walk all over us.
If you do run and hide do make sure you change your name, I know you can't change DC's, but DC won't be breaking the law if he/she doesn't go on the electoral register, where as you will thus forcing you to go on the register, where you will be easily found by someone with enough drive to find you.
I don't know I this will be any use, but I'm going to pm you with the name of a solicitor in London - she just may have another take on this that could help...worth a try.
god this is worst nightmare living it! i am so so sorry you and ds are going through this.
when is contact to happen next? can you secreatly video ex to catch abuse and contact police with evidence?
please pursue the maintanence...I did this unknownly it was the trigger that caused ex to stop contact with my ds in which he was physically abusing him
this may trigger your ex to run too (praying it does).
you can not let this evil pig near your ds and Rowan sadly said something worrying re father given residence as mum refused contact.
Do you know IJ website? if not let me know and I will PM you. desperate measures needed. also the others say move far enough away legally is a good idea too. but i understand the rope around the neck mortgage/job/finanical/family/school ties are also.
you need evidence but for that he has to abuse you again get it on camera etc then get police involved surely this then would be evidence to get the courts to change things or if he is banged up no contact then! i understand the pain and frustration of being treated second class by this system too and it is just soul destroying.
i am so glad there are lots of legal support here for you too.
keep strong and safe x
I just typed a long reply but I am scared to write more about my experience in case it outs me.
LittleBo I keep thinking about what you wrote, about how you were spoken to and treated in court and the toll its taken on you and your children ... Its all just so wrong isn't it, and I feel the same, it totally broke me. All this non responding to the court, as risky as it is, its the first time since I left that I've felt able to breath.
Better if they applied the Sturge and Glaser report like they're supposed to, this wouldn't be happening, but they're not. I've finished my letter and I'll send it to ECHR special delivery monday... you never know hey.
FarBetter and Cherries thank you so much again
Best wishes to all you brave, brave women.
I have no legal knowledge, so no words of wisdom, but wish you all success in your fights to protect your children.
Love to you all.
What can we do to change all this? There are lots of us and there must be so many more out there...
Darnley I have only found my cafcass officer helpful, they are the only one I trust (including my own solicitor). But they have to work within the law. I wish I could have an hour of their time away from court to talk things through. They are always so busy in court and up against the hearing times.
babyhammock please let us know how you get on with the European Courts. cumfy your knowledge is really helpful.
LittleBo - this is what I ear if my Ex ever applies to the British courts - any contact is better than none and my son will disappear to the States never to return.
I wish I had some words to comfort or help you, I really do.
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