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Paying for sex

(59 Posts)
JosMorgan Thu 21-Feb-13 08:40:48

I have posted on here in the past about my 14 yrs marriage and the fact that my husband has a huge problem with sex or ANY form of intimacy, if I approach him we can succeed in the act, but its like being with a 12 yr old. I have tried everything, he has tried very little. Religion was a huge part of his growing up along with a very over bearing mother. Anyway that is not why I am posting this. I do not want my marriage to end, but I have needs. My thoughts are at the moment for me to pay for sex, but I have no idea where to start, my main concern is my safety. Pls do not reply if you are wanting to persuade me not to follow this course of action. I am at this point only thinking about it.
Where do I start, where do you got for recommendations?????

badinage Fri 22-Feb-13 18:32:26

Secret affairs are similar though - they still involve un-negotiated time and money, not to mention infidelity.

The thing is there's no point bleating about misogyny and how men think that women's needs aren't important if women are still too ashamed to tell it how it is and to be open about their needs - and if they aren't met either voting with their feet or being transparent about having sex elsewhere. Secrecy and cheating doesn't solve the problem at all, it just compounds it and keeps women's sexual needs hidden away out of view again.

harryhausen Fri 22-Feb-13 19:36:41

OP, I used this site for some dirty talk with strangers. I never met anyone although I had lots of offers. Me and my DH were having a terrible time. Lots of issues going on. We're now at Relate and things are much better between us.

I agree that ideally, finding a better sex life within the marriage is the way forward. I'm glad I never met anyone for sex now - but I will say that at the time it was a huge turn on for me and made me feel that I was desirable. Which probably was very false, but it helped me through a few awful weeks.

I'm sorry if that shocks anyonehmm

Darkesteyes Fri 22-Feb-13 21:16:12

badinage thats a very good point but in some cases there are other cultures involved. Some women would be putting themselves at risk by being open about it.

cronullansw Fri 22-Feb-13 21:25:26

There is so much free sex available via sites like fabswingers, ashleymadison, martialaffair, illictencounters etc, that I honestly fail to see why anyone might need to actually part with any money smile

Girl, if you want some no strings, without breaking up the marriage, it is easily doable, and you can go forward with your life.

But overall, the gender bias here is, once again, the astonishing thing. If a bloke had dared to suggest this course of action, he'd have been slaughtered, not offered tips and advice. I find it very amusing...

Darkesteyes Fri 22-Feb-13 21:30:03

Cron are you reading the same thread. She DID "get slaughtered" by some posters.
And there are other double standards at work too. Which is obvious from the attitude that BCDGs dh showed.

Darkesteyes Fri 22-Feb-13 21:32:03

I beg your pardon. Sorry I meant the double standards as displayed by purrpurrs DH. Sorry BC.


1) He'd assumed that sex was not important for me, because I'm a woman, so he didn't think he was depriving me of anything. He's always very affectionate and cuddly, but as far as he was concerned, sex was a man's game only. Sure, aren't we wimmins always on the asprin at Sex O'Clock as that's when we get our headaches and need to go to bed early (alone)? Then occasionally we'll let out our corsets a little, lie down flat on the bed and roll our eyes at the ceiling while our menfolk pump away enthusiastically on top. Then when they are done, we wipe ourselves and go fold the laundry. Yeah, right.

badinage Fri 22-Feb-13 22:39:07

Darkesteyes if women are constrained by culture or religion from asserting their sexual rights and leaving their marriages, having secret affairs and seeing prostitutes (both high-risk activities) must surely pose the same risk of harm/community shaming, so I don't really buy that.

JosMorgan Tue 26-Feb-13 10:54:02

My update, I have read all the posts on my thread and spent a lot of time thinking. in an adult calm conversation I put to my husband the the subject of 'Sexual Abuse' put forward by Darkesteyes. He said This left him feeling very uncomfortable, but very little else. I have asked my husband for an open relationship, his reaction was that he didn't want that, but was not in a position to say no to me. /emo/te/11.gif

zeffa101 Mon 10-Mar-14 22:51:51

Established escort agencies (I.E. those which have been in existence for several years) are usually a safe bet. If you Google their will, I am sure be escorts advertising for women clients. Good luck.

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