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Should abusers be named and shamed?

(6 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Wed 20-Feb-13 21:57:07

Just mulling over this. I am trying to get over abuse that happened a long time ago. I alternate between feeling mad (still) and then feeling happy and grateful that I survived and that I have my own mind back now etc (he was exteremely controlling and brain-washing) . I do wondre if my desire to name and shame him is part of my bitterness and/or a genuine desire to warn other women about him. I think that I feel a bit pissed off that I was his gineau pig so to speak and I have visions of him being lovely to subsequent wife etc. I do know that she left him in the end so he probably didn't change.

superstarheartbreaker Wed 20-Feb-13 21:58:35

I was very lucky that I didn' t die as a result of abuse (he managed to wrangle me on a severely restrictive diet by refusing to kiss me if I ate meat, refusing me to let me cook or shop and by manipulating me into veganism) Why I put up with it I will never know!

SolidGoldBrass Wed 20-Feb-13 22:34:54

How would you plan to go about it, though? It's fine to tell your friends and family that he was horrible to you, but in legal terms, announcing to strangers or 'publishing' a man's name and identifying information along with statements to the effect that he is abusive could get you into a lot of trouble, simply because there is probably no proof of anything you say, and you risk making yourself look like a bitter, mad, spiteful ex.
The best revenge is to move on and be happy.

izzyizin Wed 20-Feb-13 23:10:00

Why I put up with it I will never know! Instead of 'naming and shaming him' you're best advised to put your energies into discovering why you turned yourself inside out and went against your better judgement to please him.

Some couples appear to act as catalysts which bring out the worst in each other and there's nothing to say he won't go on to have more loving or rewarding relationships with ow.

On the other hand, in the event that he engages in a relationship where ow perceive him to be as abusive as you do, the hidden laws have ways of publicising the misdeeds of those who would rather they remained unknown and it could be that you'll get chapter and verse hear about his progress, or lack thereof, from any future victims he torments.

Ultimately, as SGB has said, living well is the best revenge - enjoy it!

izzyizin Wed 20-Feb-13 23:19:01

As an aside, I must admit to finding it difficult to understand how anyone can be 'wrangled into veganism' confused

You chose to adopt his diet and allow him to cook and shop for you of your own free will, and I hope you didn't foist his dietary preferences onto your dc.

kittyandthegoldenfontanelles Thu 21-Feb-13 03:59:01

As an ex vegan I can tell you that you can't die from following a vegan diethmm

I'm glad you are out of an abusive relationship. smile

How would you go about doing this?

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