So, I've found out today that DH watches porn when I'm in bed. We have two DC under two so I get tires early an by 9.30 need my bed.
I know men watch porn. But the thing is we don't have sex anymore. Maybe once or twice evey two months. It use to be twice or three times a week. I'm concerned about the lack of sex and have tried to bring it up with DH but it always turns into a row.
DH had a one night stand over a year ago which we have worked through. On some days it's good, but the days that the reminders come up, it's crap.
Should I be worried that we don't have sex anymore but he gets his jolly with porn instead?
I don't actually believe this man is "only" watching porn. I reckon he has admitted to the lowest common denominator of what OP will accept. And accept it she will, because of the way her self esteem and mental health has been sucked out by this emotional fucking vampire.
His horribly cruel and entitled attitude towards the woman he is supposed to love indicates something more to me.
OP, do yourself a great big favour. Start talking to people in RL about how awful your relationship actually is. Keeping his treatment of you secret is harming you very badly indeed.
AF - good point, if his history was deleted and you said 'have you been watching porn?' he probably jumped at that explanation with both hands... the other explanation could be that he hasn't changed his cheating ways and removed texts to hide that
I sometimes wish I had someone to talk to in RL but I am so embarrassed.
Embarrassed by what he has done and the sympathy. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I hate that feeling. So I find it's I find it so much easier to put a smile on my face and pretend. To pretend that life is good. But inside I have honestly broken down.
The thing is, apart from this, he can be such a good man. He is a good father. And I just keep thinking, maybe life will get better
If you keep covering up for him, and swallowing your unhappiness, it will get worse. Your health is going to suffer.
You have no reason to be embarassed. This is his shame, not yours. A man that treats his wife so badly is not a good father, this is always what women say when they can find no other empty platitude to describe a person such as this.
A good father should treat his children's mother well, and with respect. That is one of the first, and most important lessons for a child of either sex to learn.
Reach out to one person. It may not even have to be your best or oldest friend. Once you start opening up, you will learn that he is not quite fooling all of the people, all of the time. Believe me. These men give out signs to outsiders that can be difficult to see when you are living within a situation.
If you can't face someone you know, give Women's Aid a ring. They will not judge you and they will not try to force you down a path you are not ready to take. Have a read of their site...their is lots of information on there about emotional abuse that you will recognise in your horrible partner.
This is the net effect of staying with someone that treats you with total disrespect. If you see your role in life to keep other people happy to the detriment of yourself, if you never speak out and assert yourself, if you think you have to tolerate the rejection this man is subjecting you because you don't deserve better ... then you will sink further and further into a mire of misery and self-loathing.
Have you spoken to your GP? If you are depressed (and you sound that way to me) you could explain what's going on to them and ask to be referred for some counselling. You really need to tell someone real all of this... even if it is in confidence... because keeping this man's sordid secrets to yourself is slowly killing you.
Men can only wank with porn. Their bollocks will explode if their frigid, sex-hating partners don't smile sweetly and hand over the laptop, then make themselves scarce by doing something useful in the kitchen.
Or perhaps Op should dress and act like a "porn star" so he doesn't have to look elsewhere ? She isn't giving him enough blow jobs ? She should watch it with him, she might learn something ? Men need "release" or they get sexually aggressive and start attacking women in the street ?
I do not know why you are mocking me. It is a very simple answer to the question. Should she be worried about him watching porn? Does it mean she is less of a woman? Does it mean she cannot please him? No to all.
Over analyse all you like. All men watch porn. And that is all there is to it. This is no failure by the op. If she accepts this, her worry is over.