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The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Boinging Into Spring, With A Dance And A Sing!

(1000 Posts)
Mouseface Sat 16-Feb-13 20:58:15

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I'm one of the regular travellers on this Bus!

This is a Bus for drinkers, the completely sober, those fighting to stay sober and everyone in between! No matter what, you're welcome here if you feel you don't like the way you drink anymore, or you're worried for someone else.

Take a seat.

You'll be listened to, looked after and maybe (if you're lucky), slapped with our resident Squid, Barry grin whom I'm sure you'll meet in time!

So, what have you got to lose by posting? What have you got to lose by coming to say hello and telling us why you don't like the way you drink anymore?

And, if you'd like to see where we've been so far HERE IS THE LAST THREAD

And the reason we're ALL here in the first place, the first ever thread is ALL HERE

See you soon smile xx

ohcluttergotme Fri 22-Mar-13 10:01:42

Aw thank you lovely mouse smile Hope Nemo gets in for his half day & gla he's feeling a little better xx

aliasjoey Fri 22-Mar-13 10:06:35

Happy Birthday clutter flowers

ma <hugs> your DDs friends mum sounds very compassionate and supportive, there is no reason to think she would be anything except understanding

Lemonylemon Fri 22-Mar-13 10:07:29

Clutter HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!! Have a wonderful day.

No time at the moment to namecheck specifically, but sending you all good vibes and lots of {{HUGS}}

You all have a good weekend. xxx

curryeater Fri 22-Mar-13 11:03:45

Happy birthday Clutter! You are doing so well. Have a huge slice of delicious cake and pat yourself on the back.

Determinedma, it is a recognised "thing" that teenagers need a same-sex, non-parental adult sometimes. It is a role that was traditionally often fulfilled by an aunt or uncle, or in big families, even a much older sibling. It is not a reflection on you, it is just how teenagers work, and it's a good thing that the person is there for her. I think you should contact the other mother if you want to and don't be shy.
I have read that it works like this:

0 - 7 most important relationship with mother or mother figure
7 - 14 very important relationship with same sex parent
14 - upwards need a relationship with same sex non-parent person

Only rules of thumb, obviously. But it is not a reflection on you that a teenaged dd needs someone else.

Have a good day everyone and wrap up warm

PurpleWolfe Fri 22-Mar-13 12:09:47

Happy Birthday Clutter !! flowers

Don't get me started on the subject of step/half siblings being treated differently! And we all lived in the same house for over 4 years, as a hollow laugh family. <Goes off mumbling about lack, compared to my half sister, of: school photos on view, school trips, homework help, hugs, asking about day at school, kisses, washing my underwear as it was "too dirty" for step-Mum to wash (I was given a box of Daz and sent to the bathroom to do my own), Christmas invites, visit in hospital after car crash (I was 15 and had a broken wrist which needed surgery and my Father wouldn't travel the hour and 15 mins to visit me!) and lack of attendance at my Passing Out Parade from the army - 3 weeks wasn't enough notice for them, apparently, even though they knew basic training lasted 6 weeks (Only silly bugger with no family there). The last insult was when, living 10 miles down the road, I'd begged asked my Father to drive me for an overnight stay, to the 'local' hospital (1 hour away, it was North Wales), for a breast lumpectomy to rule out anything sinister, because the sparse public transport couldn't get me there in time. In the end, he and my SM turned up, unable to take 'me and my SM gave me £10.00 and said, quite pointedly, that this was for the bus fare home' Subtext - Don't bother us again!!!! Diagnosis was good but they/I didn't know that. > Told you not to get me started!

Two boys home, supposedly, not well! Seem bloody full of beans right now, though! Sigh! xx

Dollydoolally Fri 22-Mar-13 16:16:45

Hi Brave Babes, hope you are all doing well! I will read through the thread later but I did go to a meeting and it was ok, even though I cried as soon as I walked through the door. Unfortunately I lapsed yet again at the weekend and gave in to the wine but I know that I just need to keep going to the meetings. I did feel safe there and got a few phone numbers as back-up. I just hope that I will be able to do this, it feels like a hard journey ahead at the moment.

determinedma Fri 22-Mar-13 20:06:12

clutter you are awesome and a very happy birthday to you. Dd took flowers and a card to Nick's mum but didnt want me to go in. She said it was awkward. She has given me her email address so I have emailed her.
All is calm tonight. Dd is here with a friend staying over so things should be OK. Talk about a bloody rollercoaster....

PurpleWolfe Fri 22-Mar-13 20:15:47

Ma, I actually think, initially, an e-mail is better than on the phone. You can take your time to think what you want to say, how you want to say it and then, when you've finished it, go away, have a coffee and maybe even a bath, come back, re-read it, edit it and then, and only then - send it. Wishing you a peaceful weekend Lovely. x

Mouseface Fri 22-Mar-13 21:21:21

Agree 100% with Purps re the email and also understand the need for a teen girl (esp) to have the 'need' to have another female older figure in her life, who is a friend but also a guide if that makes sense?

I had an aunt, she was a really close friend and would take us (my sister and I) out all the time and give my mum a break. DD doesn't have that as far as I know.......... maybe she will in time?

I'm glad all is quiet at home tonight Ma. Take good care sweets xxx

Hi Dolly smile

Nemo puked his tube out so tomorrow morning we have a battle on our hands and I hate it.

Anyway, see you all in the morning, glass of wine and then bed xxxxx

determinedma Fri 22-Mar-13 21:37:24

Hey mouse. Can u try nemo without his tube again?

ohcluttergotme Fri 22-Mar-13 22:28:49

Glad you have made contact with Nick's mum MA on terms that you feel comfortable. Hope the roller coaster you have been on as late slows down soon for you.
Myself & dh went to cinema for our Birthday & saw Side Effects & Oz, both really good. Was very different to our usual drunken shenanigans but felt nice & looking forward to going out for lunch tomorrow which in the past just wouldn't of happened.
Mouse hopefully peaceful nights sleep for all & good luck for the morning.
All you babes rock all trying to get by with a million struggles, hope we can all find the strength to keep going & to be kind o ourselves
Night brave babes xx

fullofhopefullness Fri 22-Mar-13 22:45:16

I wonder if we had never drank would we have stayed together although I think if he had stayed faithful we would.

fullofhopefullness Fri 22-Mar-13 23:35:01

Ps was just wondering about me noone else

fullofhopefullness Fri 22-Mar-13 23:40:54

The leaving of the houses earlier mentioned posts by mouse and purple all the memories struck a major chord. I left overnight with my kids and felt at the time it was the only thing to do. I also felt relaxed and happy for first time. There is hope and nice life for all those struggling.

PurpleWolfe Sat 23-Mar-13 08:47:31

Awful wave of sadness and aloneness for me this morning. Don't know why. My Ds are here (DD at a sleepover) but feeling overwhelmed by loneliness. sad

guggenheim Sat 23-Mar-13 08:59:09

Morning lovely babes

Loads of snow here, who's got the spring? I'd like it back please now.

ma e- mail is a god idea, both nick and his mum sound nice. I hope it works out well for you. I'm quite sure that your dd KNOWS that you love her and want her home, it isn't you she has difficulties with. Thinking of you.

mouse awww poor nemo. Hope you can get the tube in very quickly on the 1st go.

dolly Good for you! Yup, I blubbered all over the place at first and I still get upset. It all needs to come out though. Don't worry about the odd lapse, that's very normal and aa people will just be pleased that you keep showing up and listening. Good luck smile

purple another gorgeous babe who needs to let it all out (bit chilly today, I know). You were in the army? Wow! You have an awful lot on your plate and your step m & df sound rubbish to me,not exactly supportive.You have lots of friend looking out for you here so keep talking.x

'lo there joey and curry and lemony and clutter and hope smile

I'm doing ok. The ww showed up for a little bit yesterday so had to tell her where to go. i'm feeling a little happier all round but not quite back to where i was before I quit my course. Can't wait for the holidays.

determinedma Sat 23-Mar-13 09:02:17

purple sending hugs to you. What has brought on the blues today? Can you give yourself a wee treat, talk to someone? Someone on here has Opal Fruits if that helps?

guggenheim Sat 23-Mar-13 09:03:42

purple thinking of you today. It might be worth trying aa again, just go by yourself don't wait for flaky woman. it's a friendship (fellowship) group to help us stay off the booze. That awful lonely feeling is one of the big triggers for drinking. Awww I'm off for a meeting this pm, wish you were near me, I'd take you along, make you a cup of tea.xx

PurpleWolfe Sat 23-Mar-13 09:19:44

Being so pathetic today. Guggs Your offer of a cup of tea has had me in tears. And added to that, Opal Fruits from Ma <sniff>!

Yes, Guggs Private Purple here (Ooo errr, sounds like some sort of porn name!). I figured joining the army was the quickest way of getting away from evil step mother and spineless Father . It removed me from my immediate problem but did nothing for sorting my head out. As for AA meeting, just feeling a bit 'burnt'. Silly, I know.

Ma I really don't know why I'm feeling so shit, emotionally, today. Had such a lovely dinner with DS last night. Steak, chips, salad and garlic butter, fun and ridiculous chat, Party Animal on the CD player - really fun night! They ate like men, bless their 6 and 9 year old socks! Could be my dreaded hormones? Whatever it is, I could so do with a huge, all encompassing, overly long hug from someone that really cares about me.

Hope things go well today with Nemo and his feeding tube Mouse xx

Thanks Lovelies. xxxxxxxx

ohcluttergotme Sat 23-Mar-13 10:11:36

Aw your not pathetic Purple, we all have days when we feel down. It sounds like you are managing so much on your own & don't have anyone that helps you or offers support in real life.
Sending a big hug & just want to say I care. I hope you manage to find someone that will look after you dog or find a situation that works for you all. I hope that you can find the strength to go to an AA meeting of this is what you want to do or find another way of managing your drinking of this is what you want.
I hope you & exP can find a way to resolve the situation where he pays his way for his children where you are not left dealing with everything & with no money & feeling resentful.
I hope of the government are making you do training & courses that you find something that works for you that doesn't cause you more stress.

Your evening last night with your boys sounded truly lovely, you sound like a warm, loving, caring & fun mum & even though you dealing with so much you had a lovely night with your boys.
Hope your feelings of sadness pass & things start to feel better soon.
Hugs xx

PurpleWolfe Sat 23-Mar-13 10:37:49

Thank you Clutter for all your lovely words. xxx

greeneyed Sat 23-Mar-13 11:54:34

purple sending a virtual hug through the ether. Are you boys still of an age where you can all cuddle up under a blanket on the sofa and watch a movie? Mugs of hot chocolate and popcorn.

PurpleWolfe Sat 23-Mar-13 12:20:58

Gorgeous Geen, thank you Hun. Yes, my boys will still snuggle down and watch a DVD - with hot chocolate and popcorn! (DS1 fidgets like a bastard!)This week's DVD was Scooby Do meets Batman!! I kid you not! I couldn't face it! Two weeks ago (my Friday's are always 'Film Nights' with DC) it was X Men First Class. We all enjoyed it enormously. Hard to find stuff we all want to watch. And, yes, they do hug me and I love it, but it's not quite the same as someone who you can lean on, depend on to hold you up when things are shit. Does anyone know what I mean? xxxx

Mouseface Sat 23-Mar-13 12:45:20

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Nemo's tube is in, 1st go and all sorted in 2 mins, it's just not nice at all for any of us. Thank you all for your kind words xxxx

Ma - wrong time of year in terms of timing to try again because he's on school for a few days next week, plus he's still poorly so wouldn't drink enough of his feed to warrant no tube just now but thank you so much for asking, and caring smile xx

Purple - Do you know what? I can have everyone here, except for DD and feel incredibly lonely. I need her, I miss her and I hate that she's not here. For me I think it's because I have such s strong bond and we share such a traumatic history together IYSWIM?

Can you do something with the boys? Do you have any snow? We have about 2ft and it's still falling. Maybe get wrapped up and chuck some about in the garden? You are allowed to feel like this you know? Don't beat yourself up. As Clutter said, you have a hell of a lot on your plate and there's only you to deal with it, day in and day out.

It's bloody hard to be the one wearing all the hats the whole time and be the one who the buck stops with. You are a great mum, you are a great person and you are always trying to make your life and those of your DCs better, simply by posting on here, telling us about it, trying to get support from AA, all of that is BRAVE and COURAGEOUS and SCARY and NEW and BRILLIANT

I think you're too hard on yourself because you don't want to be the one to fail. You have to allow for some fuck ups though sweetheart, you are human, with feelings and emotions and needs and wants....... we all care about you, we all want the best for you and we all want you to be happy. xx

On a Dangerous Brian kind of stylee - DH is sawing doors again. grin

DD is no feeling great so is in bed glued to the internet, Nemo is watching Chuggington. I'm washing and pottering, trying to get the house ready for friends coming over tomorrow.... not sure why I'm bothering when DH is DIYing grin

The log burner is lit and we're going to have a take away tonight, been ages. Not sure what we'll have, <excited life I lead>

<waves to all Babes> smile xx

Mouseface Sat 23-Mar-13 12:49:31

but it's not quite the same as someone who you can lean on, depend on to hold you up when things are shit. Does anyone know what I mean? - yes.

As I said, it's all you. DCs are fab to snuggle and sometimes you miss the physical side of an adult relationship but also the 'it's going to be okay' that an adult's reassurance can give you.

I know exactly what you mean from being alone before meeting DH. Thing is, when I did meet him, I wasn't looking for him, or anyone else, I wasn't ready to be loved, or liked even. I wasn't ready for anyone to share my space again, or so I thought.

DCs are the best at unconditional love and not judging but sometimes, the need to feel wanted by someone other than them is rather overwhelming xxxxxx

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