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The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Boinging Into Spring, With A Dance And A Sing!

(1000 Posts)
Mouseface Sat 16-Feb-13 20:58:15

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I'm one of the regular travellers on this Bus!

This is a Bus for drinkers, the completely sober, those fighting to stay sober and everyone in between! No matter what, you're welcome here if you feel you don't like the way you drink anymore, or you're worried for someone else.

Take a seat.

You'll be listened to, looked after and maybe (if you're lucky), slapped with our resident Squid, Barry grin whom I'm sure you'll meet in time!

So, what have you got to lose by posting? What have you got to lose by coming to say hello and telling us why you don't like the way you drink anymore?

And, if you'd like to see where we've been so far HERE IS THE LAST THREAD

And the reason we're ALL here in the first place, the first ever thread is ALL HERE

See you soon smile xx

LRDtheFeministDragon Tue 19-Feb-13 06:47:50

Hi everyone. Checking back in again. Sorry.

Best of luck to everyone today - hope nemo's appointment goes well, mouse.

babyjane1 Tue 19-Feb-13 09:42:19

Morning babes, just a quickie to say hope today goes well mouse. Thank you for your comments on my post, never offended grateful for all advice and support. eminen I'm so sorry about your daughter, her chance will come around again, what's meant for her won't go by her ad my late gran would have said. To all babes old and new have a great day, I'm I day 2 and feeling very very positive, had to change hypnotherapist to next week, eldest dd not well but in the meantime was going to order the Alan Carr book but it has mixed reviews, can any of you guys advise? X x

alabasterangel Tue 19-Feb-13 10:28:11

Hello again been away a few days but back now and got one leg in the bus and one leg on the roof rack and if I had a third leg it would be in the sidecar.

This is self indulgent and self pitying, so apologies.

I'm sat here in tears after coming back from the dr. I've been ill for a while and had terrible nagging pains under my ribs (liver area). I also have been feeling generally pretty ill for the last 2 weeks. She says I have glandular fever, I have to have another blood test to confirm it next week. In the meantime I'm on some 'precautionary' antibiotics which she admitted were to make me feel like I'm doing something and would be useless for glandular fever anyway. My previous blood tests showed its '90%' likely to be GF and my infection count was low but my viral count high, so she's fairly sure the antibiotics are pointless but hey. She also pointed out that my liver function tests needed looking at - shocker eh? Such a surprise - not.

I asked if it could be related to the GF and she said possibly, and it explains the pain (liver swells with GF) but that its only my ALT which is high and that's more likely to be a 'lifestyle' issue. She basically said I need to 'really look after myself and get that down' and has asked me to come back in three months to retest. If its not gone down she wants some more investigations. The word alcohol was not mentioned.

I'm sick of this internal conflict. I don't want to 'go there' with further liver investigations, but three months of abstinence (or radical cutting down even) seems like an impossible feat. I managed one day last week. One pathetic day. I felt fine, it wasn't a problem, so why is it a problem thinking about doing it now? Is it because I HAVE to? I'm also fed up feeling so poorly with this GF. its half term, we had plans, I feel capable of nothing more than loafing about but that's so unfair on the kids. I want to wallow but at the same time I want to just get a grip and not have this 'problem' to deal with at all. So annoyed with myself.

babyjane1 Tue 19-Feb-13 10:42:24

angel Crikey what a start to the day, I'm sorry you had all this thrown at you. The only thing worse than trying to function feeling ill, is trying to function feeling ill and the effects of lasts nights wine, how much are you drinking? I'm a bottle a night girl and my LF test is next Monday,I know how hard it is to make sense of it, I have a very bad level of crohn's disease and I'm pretty run down as a consequence so Instead of doing everything possible to be healthy, I drink wine, ridiculous or what!!! Anyway you are not alone and I'm only on day 2 but I won't even think about day 3 til I wake up tomorrow so the ODAAT principal might help you too, sending you a hug and even on day 2 I feel the benefits a little, so stay strong and keep posting x x c

curryeater Tue 19-Feb-13 11:01:42

Hello all,
I have not read the Allen Carr book. It has rave reviews on Amazon and you can download a free sample if you have a kindle, and then decide. I did find the non-smoking book of his very helpful back when I gave up smoking.

Welcome, fullofhopefullness. You sound very positive! well done on making a change.

Emin, that is not a trivial thing to be upset about. Well done on not drinking.

good luck mouse with your own health and Nemo's.

LRD, how are things going with you?

I feel off the wagon for dry lent. already! My parents visited and it seems I just cannot not drink with them. the only times in living memory have been when I was pregnant. I counted my drinks though and I woke up the next day with a clear head. Feeling good about that instead of feeling bad about not abstaining. Or trying to. My mum says I look slim.

Lots of emotion on here... lots of people feeling good, feeling bad, struggling. Wishing you all the very very best.

curryeater Tue 19-Feb-13 11:05:24

OMG alabaster, have x-posted with you. so sorry you are feeling so run down and so upset.
Your doctor sounds nice. Can you open up to her? I think you should be talking this through with someone not bottling it all up. Please try to hear "really look after yourself" as a nice thing, not as someone judging you! easier said than done I know.
And well done on the one day last week! A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.

aliasjoey Tue 19-Feb-13 11:33:13

angel it is hard when you are run-down, but abstaining doesn't make you feel any better - so you think "what's the point?" ! Just try and think, if you're drinking its harder to get accurate results from tests; it's harder to find the appropriate treatment and the medication may not work as well.

And ODAAT (which I spelt wrongly last night when I was drinking hmm ) One Day At a Time - don't think about 3 months, only today.

Last night when I was drunk I posted some identifying details about a family member; then I had to ask MNHQ to remove the post, I was in a right panic.

Then I woke up in a sweat and it had all been a dream (except the drunk part) blush

babyjane1 Tue 19-Feb-13 12:52:55

Maybe we should all just stay pregnant all our lives then we all be ok!!!!!!!!!!(maybe not) back to Alan Carr then xxx

MsGee Tue 19-Feb-13 12:53:19

Hi. Day 2 for me. We have decided to not have wine in the house anymore.

Hopeful but been here too many times. Sorry for my jumping on, jumping off approach.

I just need to say for myself: today I will not be drinking.

babyjane1 Tue 19-Feb-13 13:15:39

I'm with you mcgee day 2 here also, keep posting it really really helps x x x x

alabasterangel Tue 19-Feb-13 13:22:56

Thank you everyone. Being able to be honest here is really helping.

babyjane - yes, up to a bottle. Mostly about 2/3rds (so guessing somewhere between 6 up to a max of 9 units a day, but fri and sat pretty much always a bottle) for many years. My youngest is only 20 months so 20 months ago I had 9 months of not drinking at all. I foolishly thought 9 months of abstinence (and 9 more months of abstinence 2 years before that) would have given my tired old liver time to recover. Obviously not judging by those results. I wish I had asked for the figures. I read on various sources that a fatty liver can recover pretty rapidly with dramatic reduction or abstinence. Have you instigated these blood tests you are having next week babyjane? I'm going to try Allen Carr too, I think. Bit scared in a way because its more about stopping altogether not cutting down, I can't rationalise that fear either. Have you ordered yours yet?

curry - yes, she is a great dr and I think I would feel comfy being open if I get through these three months having not been able to at least limit drinking. I think if it gets to that stage, I'd tell her and ask for help, although I don't really understand fully what 'help' GPs can offer? I hate the thought that 'alcohol problems' would be put on my notes.

I know its a pathetic approach but I really don't care if I still drink a bottle on a Friday or Saturday, I just don't want to do it every night. I said it before, it doesn't have the slightest affect anyway, except by the end of the third (large) glass the edges are slightly softened. After a bottle I still function, still watch whole films and absorb it all, read books and take it all in, can do a perfect manicure job without a smudge out of place, I even work some nights (from home, on admin and documents) and don't make errors or do foolish stuff, so what's the bloody BLOODY point???? I don't have a hangover, ever ever ever. I don't wake up dehydrated because I always drink a huge water after the wine and before sleeping. I even have tried to rationalise that if I abstained during the week I would get more of a buzz from the wine at the weekend, which for me should surely be an achievement (of the wrong, but right kind).

Today I'm not drinking.

Why can't I say that with positivity instead of it making me cry and feel so sad again??

babyjane1 Tue 19-Feb-13 13:33:30

angel my tests are to check how my crohn's meds affect my other organs, some fairly powerful drugs, even more ridiculous to
Involve wine, it just became a crutch when I needed one, I have ordered the book to day from amazon, should be here in Thursday, don't think about forever just today, the way I'm hoping it will work is that when the physical and psychological benefits start to show, the perceived "sacrifice" will seem less important, lets give it a try x x x

guggenheim Tue 19-Feb-13 13:38:48

angel much sympathy for the news on the GF- I hope you feel better soon. I expect that the Gf has left you feeling run down and tired. Hope the antibiotics do something!

It's an awful lot for you to take in in one go. I can't remember much about raised atl ? I had this result years ago when I had a lft, my gp wasn't at all worried and burbled something about 'too much partying' hmm

Hope you are ok this afternoon? I really do understand how you feel about alcohol and it not having any effect on you. You're not drinking stupid amounts, but it's not safe either.

Can I suggest that you make today day one? Lots of friendly babes ready to hold your hand if you are ready to try one night booze free? x

guggenheim Tue 19-Feb-13 13:40:57

Sorry to not name check, big wave smile

Shhhhh...I didn't give up my course in the end I'm giving that damn essay one more go.

Luve to all x

eminemmerdale Tue 19-Feb-13 13:43:46

alabasterangel bugger it! I'm so sorry to hear that - It is scary to think of stopping altogether isn''t it? I remember once, about 12 years or so agao, a friend said to me what would you rather do give up drinking or give up smoking? Everyone laughed their heads off - i was that hard drinking chain smoking funny girl that everyone 'put up with'., and there was No Way I woud,ever give up either - nor had i any intention of doing so! Now, I have pretty much stopped smoking (I have to admit have had a couple today - first in 4 months, but felt in a sod it mood sad ) and have manged to stop drinking for months at a time - currently on day 7 this time - and intend to kkep it up until April at least. It is a radical life change, it really is, there's no getting away from it, but it can be done. And it is worth it. Even when I falter and have a few days drinking, I know I will stop again - sounds a bit cock eyed but it's so much better now. I hope this helps, in some wierd way grin Dd perfectly fine about the school now - I was ever so upset last night but hey, these things are what they are! And to be honest, we now won;t have to worry about taking a holiday in case the school asks where we got the money from; taking better paid jobs if ever they came up, things like that. her primary is one of the best in the city so things aren't awful by any means !

Lemonylemon Tue 19-Feb-13 14:01:43

Afternoon All!

I won't name check because I always get left out of the name checks (except by Mouse) <pouts petulantly> wink

gugg Oh good! I'm really, really pleased you didn't.... Keep going. It will be so worth it.

Sigh. Day 1. Again.

I seriously need to get my abstinence mojo back again. I did so well - 11 days. angel My drinking habits are like yours, but I don't want to exist like that anymore. If you have a look back through the last thread, I've posted about what happened to my Mum. It all seemed to happen so suddenly. She was 68 when the proverbial hit the fan. She's now 70 and shouldn't be here, but has a steely determination. She also staggers around (not drunk) like a 90 year old.

I don't want to be like this any more. I need to get past the childhood coldness of her. I am managing to talk about it now - ie. my son and daughter (15 and 5) know that nanny never cuddled or kissed me as a child. I've always been very affectionate with my two. My son knows that I can't really forgive my mum for basically staying away on holiday for another 10 days when my OH died. Then texting me when she got back and in reply to a text from me inviting her round for coffee, said that she was "too tired and that she would see me tomorrow". I was alone and nearly 6 months pregnant and trying to keep both DS and myself together. You know, if that had happened to either DS or DD, I would be on the first plane home, no question.

When my DD was born, she looked after DS for a week while I was in hospital. Then just disappeared. For nearly 7 months. In my heart of hearts, I can't forgive her for any of that. Intellectually, I can say I have, but I haven't deep in my heart. And I have to get past it. It's not doing me any good at all. But then, lots of people have had bumpy childhoods, not just me.

I really apologise that my post is me, me, me......

alabasterangel Tue 19-Feb-13 14:51:02

Oh bugger it all, all this niceness has got me blubbing all over again. How very un-MN!

I have no appetite at the moment for much, but have just had a fresh custard cream slice for lunch. Yum! First thing I've eaten today!

lemon - I've name checked you now.... wink I'm sorry about your mum, I had a bumpy childhood but thought I was a tough old bird who'd really dealt with stuff well. Maybe this is the fallout. Who knows? Are you in touch with your mum now?

If I can just get through from now till Friday, I'd be well pleased. I'll still be on antibiotics. Foolishly I was told some years ago by a pharmacist friend that its a bit of an old wives tale that you should abstain from alcohol on standard antibiotics, but even so, with my raised ALT I should be rationalising that my liver is under enough pressure and to give the damn thing a break eh? I wish. However, today I'm not drinking, and I agree one day at at time, and I really really hope I can just get to Friday to start with, even if I pick up again Sunday.

What I also really need to do it Step Away From The Google. Foolishly, I'm too tired to shift my custard slice bottom and do that pile of ironing, so google has told me that I'm in varying degrees of either 'nothing to worry about' ALT levels or conversely 'brink of liver failure and imminent death'. Well, slight exaggeration but anyway! I couldn't recall my levels but the receptionist has re-read them to me. My ALT is 77. Normal levels are 5 - 55. I've read anecdotal stuff from people querying results of 1,000!!! I don't know what to think.

guggenheim Tue 19-Feb-13 15:21:20

lemony that is tough however you look at it. 'bumpy childhoods' that's a good phrase though! Not easy to get past your mum letting you down like that. Have you had counselling? Or have you just come to terms with it in your own way?

angel just rest and step away from Dr Google!

Must not mn must write essay..

Fairenuff Tue 19-Feb-13 17:42:02

Lemony I had a similar 'bumpy childhood' and do not feel at all emotionally connected to my parents, particularly my mum. I don't see or speak to her much and I don't feel at all guilty or sad. It's as if she's just someone that I used to know.

As you say, intellectually I know I should make the effort. It was all a long time ago and she had her own problems so I don't hold it against her. But I just don't particularly like her or want her in my life.

alabaster GF will really knock you out. You may well not feel like eating or even moving much for a few weeks. Try to keep your fluids up and eat whatever you fancy. Get as much rest as you can. Is there anyone around to help you?

Perhaps whilst you are recovering it might be best to try not to worry about your liver too much (if you can!). Try to cut down/stay off the booze as much as possible. Just take it one hour at a time. If you can sleep, that would be great. Other than that, the doctor's orders are good - Look after yourself.

I swear this is why alcohol affects so many women, particularly mothers so much in our society. We are all trying to look after everyone else, who is looking after us?

Joey so now you are dreaming about mn? grin

PurpleWolfe Tue 19-Feb-13 17:53:37

Faire I think you may be right. Society deems that we look after everyone but then there is no-one to take care of us. xx

ohcluttergotme Tue 19-Feb-13 18:20:13

Hi lemony sorry not to nc you in the past sad I tend to look back over last few posters on pc so if you posted beyond that then sorreee smile You sound like you have been through so much with your mum, no wonder you can't forgive her. She sounds pretty nasty and self-absorbed. Well done for not carrying this on with your own children.
Faire so so agree, in my house I seem to do most things and work whilst dh thinks cause I work part-time that leaves me free to do everything house wise and him off the hook hmm every night I think of a crisp, cool glass of wine but on daY 8 here as it's the thought of next day that is stopping me from reaching for that glass but just always shattered!
guggs well done on going for the essay, good luck and....step away from mn grin
Emin glad your feeling better, sounds like things been really tough and stressful, aw well you had a ciggie no biggie and as you said you know if you did have a glass of wine you would straight back the next day starting again, that's amazing and great attitude. I feel like you that I want to completely change the way I drink.
At tea-time tonight was saying how going to a party at the weekend and going to take my car and not dd (13) just went 'mum, you always say that, you'll drink, leave your car' I suppose actions speak louder than words and I so want to show her that I have changed!
Alibaster Aw poor you, having GF will wipe you out, you really need to try and be kind to yourself, agree that maybe the time for really kicking the WW into touch is once you are feeling better? Hope you feel better soon.
Alias hope your day not been too hard today smile
BabyJ I am ashamed to admit that on a few occassions when pregnant (3 weddings and a funeral) I had a couple of glasses of wine more than I should have....My ds is 3 and I still feel really guilty about this sad
Mouse thinking of you, hope today not been too hard for everyone (( ))
All other babes wishing you all strength wherever you are on the bus tonight xx

fullofhopefullness Tue 19-Feb-13 18:39:54

Hi I would recommend allan carr (from earlier question). Its all about persuading you that you dont want to drink so from that perspective cutting down wouldnt make sense. I just know that I drove past offlicence tonight without going in. And since reading that book that has happemed more often than in the previous num of years. Anything that helps I suppose!

babyjane1 Tue 19-Feb-13 19:24:43

lemony I'm so sorry not to NC, I'm using an iPhone so I can only see last few posts and my memory ain't war it used to be. The fact that you have totally turned around the way you were brought up to the loving attentive mother you are speaks volumes, you will have made your children better parents in the future, that's something to be very proud of. Thanks hope my book is on it's w

babyjane1 Tue 19-Feb-13 19:29:35

Oops sorry, book on its way and your right it all helps. Took dd to the park today and I swung as high as I could on a swing and it felt good, I guess I will need to cling on to these little moments in between the monotony, I guess we all are doing that in one way or another, previously wine was the distraction to the mundane tasks x x x

PurpleWolfe Tue 19-Feb-13 19:30:11

Things ain't good. sad xxxx

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