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Help- I'm struggling, feel let down yet again

(30 Posts)
Squeegle Sat 16-Feb-13 18:43:46

I've posted about this a couple of times, but am having such a hard time this weekend, can't rise through it, and have had to take to bed this pm with fed upness, despite two DCs, 8 and 10 who think I am even more lazy than usual.

The basic story is that I split from my alcoholic exP last march. He moved out then, but the relationship had been dead much longer.

All my energies had been devoted to persuading him to leave, he was angry and abusive as well as drinking, so it was a relief when he went. Although of course I feel so sad about the failure of what we had wanted to create, I also felt it was the beginning of a new liberty for me.

I am 47 now, work full time, and look after the kids almost all the time (exP looks after them before and after school one day, and occasionally on a Sunday pm).
So despite my liberty I do find it a hard slog.

So, there is a chap I know at work, have always liked him. In Sept he asked me if I fancied a drink. I couldn't make it that weekend. To cut a long story short we did go out a couple of times, he is always nice to me, but I didn't hear from him much - ie despite him being at work, he rarely contacted me re going out although we often needed to talk re work.

We then went out before Christmas, ended up with me going to bed with him. We had lunch at work the day after and all seemed good. In tandem with this, he has been having some severe financial problems (which may result in bankruptcy) which have been taking up a lot of time.

Anyway, over Xmas two weeks, I did not hear from him. I felt really upset, I had felt quite close to him before all this. I spoke to him after Xmas - and said I felt hurt, he said sorry I just have so much going on with the finances etc.

Since then he has continued to talk to me a lot, but only contact me sporadically- but really illogically- so for example he has given me lifts to work when it snowed, and taken me for the occasional lunch. It's been doing my head in as I think of him all the time and he obviously does not do the same.

This week I said to him, look. I feel like a fool, I am pursuing you and you just aren't into me. He said, it isn't like that, its to do with all the financial stuff. He said I wish I could wave a magic wand and it would all be ok, and my head would be in a different place, but at the moment I just have no emotional energy left. I said ok, I understand, and I need to get my head out of this place as its driving me mad.

Sorry-and thanks for keeping on going! The thing is, I know what is what- for whatever reasons, he just isn't that into me. I need to get over it, but am finding it so hard. I think it's cos I saw him as representing some fun and care in my day to day life. I feel so lonely and let down- and I know it's not really about him, but u was pinning all my hopes on a potential romance which really didn't get off the ground.

So please wise mumsnetters, how do I bring some sanity back, I feel so bloody miserable, and such a failure!

Hissy Tue 19-Feb-13 18:26:48

You'll look back on this all and practically struggle to remember...

Have faith, it'll all be fine in the end.

And if it's not fine... It's not the end!

Been where you are, have learned a lot, and know that you have best to come yet. All you have to do is believe me!

Have a super holiday!

Squeegle Tue 19-Feb-13 18:40:31

Yes fingers crossed, and glad that things got sorted for you.
It's funny, I don't have these self esteem problems with female friends- only with men and possible relationships at that.
Have been reading baggage reclaim website to keep my resolve topped up. It's very illuminating and helpful. Don't know if you know it.

Hissy Tue 19-Feb-13 18:54:08

That site is so bang on, it's SPOOKY at times!

You may find you have to put some work in, to bolster your self-image, but as long as you think to yourself, if this were happening to a friend, I'd tell her she deserved better, then you'll see what needs to be said!

Be your own best friend!


Squeegle Tue 19-Feb-13 18:59:38

You are right it is so spot on. I find it really helpful
Cheers- will keep trying!

AnyFucker Tue 19-Feb-13 19:02:52

I agree the Baggage Reclaim site is very good.

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