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Help- I'm struggling, feel let down yet again

29 replies

Squeegle · 16/02/2013 18:43

I've posted about this a couple of times, but am having such a hard time this weekend, can't rise through it, and have had to take to bed this pm with fed upness, despite two DCs, 8 and 10 who think I am even more lazy than usual.

The basic story is that I split from my alcoholic exP last march. He moved out then, but the relationship had been dead much longer.

All my energies had been devoted to persuading him to leave, he was angry and abusive as well as drinking, so it was a relief when he went. Although of course I feel so sad about the failure of what we had wanted to create, I also felt it was the beginning of a new liberty for me.

I am 47 now, work full time, and look after the kids almost all the time (exP looks after them before and after school one day, and occasionally on a Sunday pm).
So despite my liberty I do find it a hard slog.

So, there is a chap I know at work, have always liked him. In Sept he asked me if I fancied a drink. I couldn't make it that weekend. To cut a long story short we did go out a couple of times, he is always nice to me, but I didn't hear from him much - ie despite him being at work, he rarely contacted me re going out although we often needed to talk re work.

We then went out before Christmas, ended up with me going to bed with him. We had lunch at work the day after and all seemed good. In tandem with this, he has been having some severe financial problems (which may result in bankruptcy) which have been taking up a lot of time.

Anyway, over Xmas two weeks, I did not hear from him. I felt really upset, I had felt quite close to him before all this. I spoke to him after Xmas - and said I felt hurt, he said sorry I just have so much going on with the finances etc.

Since then he has continued to talk to me a lot, but only contact me sporadically- but really illogically- so for example he has given me lifts to work when it snowed, and taken me for the occasional lunch. It's been doing my head in as I think of him all the time and he obviously does not do the same.

This week I said to him, look. I feel like a fool, I am pursuing you and you just aren't into me. He said, it isn't like that, its to do with all the financial stuff. He said I wish I could wave a magic wand and it would all be ok, and my head would be in a different place, but at the moment I just have no emotional energy left. I said ok, I understand, and I need to get my head out of this place as its driving me mad.

Sorry-and thanks for keeping on going! The thing is, I know what is what- for whatever reasons, he just isn't that into me. I need to get over it, but am finding it so hard. I think it's cos I saw him as representing some fun and care in my day to day life. I feel so lonely and let down- and I know it's not really about him, but u was pinning all my hopes on a potential romance which really didn't get off the ground.

So please wise mumsnetters, how do I bring some sanity back, I feel so bloody miserable, and such a failure!

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betterthanever · 16/02/2013 19:04

I actually believe this guy.. I think he `is' into you. Cut him some slack. Take it slow - you need to yourself, don't rush into something else after what you have been through.
Now get up have some fun with kids tonight and smile.
I actually think he wants to get his shit sorted out and not burden you with it - leave him to do that and meet up for nice lunches every now and again and in the meantime relax - you did a massive things leaving your ex, well done.