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Sexy times for the first time etiquette....just a bit of lighthearted pondering really...

(28 Posts)
Donttrustmyselfanymore Sat 16-Feb-13 00:01:27

This came up in conversation earlier between me and my friends. And we couldn't agree on what the correct...ettiquette was for these situations. So I thought id ask here! You lot are always right as far as I'm concerned!

First time sleeping with a new boyfriend at his do you:
Automatically assume your staying the night
Get up and leave of your own accord
Wait for him to ask you to stay and if he doesnt ask him if he wants you to

And what if its a your house?? Do you ask them to leave or stay.

A few of us are newly single after long term relationships, too much wine makes us worry about these things blush I say play it by ear depending on guy/situation. But apparently I should have a plan hmm

BelindaCarlisle Sat 16-Feb-13 00:04:25

I wouldn't stay unless I stayed the night

ConfuzzledMummy Sat 16-Feb-13 00:05:27

I was in this situation last week ( although I'd only just met him blush) it was getting on for half 3 and he just said "are you staying then?" and I just said "if it's ok" So I think it depends on how confident you feel

Johnnysknickers Sat 16-Feb-13 00:06:22

I'd presume I/he was staying the night.

pinkyredrose Sat 16-Feb-13 00:08:59

I'd def assume I/him were staying the night!

Awfully bad form to fuck n run.

AmberLeaf Sat 16-Feb-13 00:09:18

Id assume I/he was staying.

I like to sleep after

EmmaDale Sat 16-Feb-13 00:09:46

I think I would prefer to stay for the whole night however, I would ask/find out first so that I could pack a suitcase full of stuff couple of essentials.

ConfuzzledMummy Sat 16-Feb-13 00:12:22

Lol at fuck and run, might have to use that grin

FaffTastic Sat 16-Feb-13 00:12:42

All of your options really! Depends on the night and what felt right at the time. Go with the flow would be my best advise

If we were out and then went back to his late for sex I'd probably stay the night as it would be late and I wouldn't want to just shag and run.

If the night was dinner at his house then sex I might go home after we'd spent a bit of the evening cuddling and chatting after sex

Also depends what I have planned the next day.

So many variables there is no right or wrong.

Though if it was a one night stand I'd probably just want to get the hell out of there after it if it was at mine, I wouldn't want him to stay the night. That's just me though and I don't bother with ONSs

FaffTastic Sat 16-Feb-13 00:27:11

I sound a bit high-horsey in my last sentence there - I should really say I don't bother with ONSs anymore grin

allaflutter Sat 16-Feb-13 00:36:10

hmm, is everyone so chilled? I would defo NOT want to stay the night if this was a very new BF as I'm not a morning person and would feel self-concsious to be seen all dischevelled, unfresh and unmade-up (I always wear some makeup whether single or not, not just for his benefit), plus I'm very unsociable in the morn. Without knowing his habits, also he may be a sex pest first thing in the morning while I like to sleep in. Of course if I knew him very well by then (like if he was ex-friend) and felt extemely comfortable, this could be different. The other thing is, I don't sleep easily with someone I hardly know - as I say you lot are so chilled grin!
If it was at mine, I'd ask him nicely to go, and would explain I have plans next day and need my sleep, but would make sure we had plenty of time during the evening.

superstarheartbreaker Sat 16-Feb-13 00:43:43

Oh gosh STAY. Dishevilled, unfresh and unmade-up after sex = SEXY!

(IMO anyway) I want to shag someone who looks like theyve been shagged the next day!

LittleEdie Sat 16-Feb-13 01:05:06

Do what seems best at the time.

mercury7 Sat 16-Feb-13 01:52:53

I always make it clear from the get go that I dont do sleepovers and I dont allow sleepovers.
I try to make sure that liaisons are conducted during the day and generally try and get rid of them as soon as they are 'spent'

Casmama Sat 16-Feb-13 02:03:44

I find it really sad that the consensus seems to be fuck an run- and dear God don't call it sexy times!

Unless there are children involved I can't understand why you would leave after sex, don't you feel like a hooker?

Casmama Sat 16-Feb-13 02:05:16

Sorry that wasn't meant to be offensive, genuinely curious"

thecatneuterer Sat 16-Feb-13 03:41:11

I'd probably assume he/I were staying the night. However if the sex turned out to be awful and I couldn't bear the thought that he might be expecting a re-run in the morning then i'd definitely scarper if I were at his.

Honeysucklerose Sat 16-Feb-13 07:31:17

I must be old fashioned if I had the opportunity I would like to stay or vice versa and then have brekkie together! so there you go .

niceupthedance Sat 16-Feb-13 07:36:03

No I would leave or ask him to leave. Surely you want to keep some mystery for the first while?

KirstyWirsty Sat 16-Feb-13 07:49:50

I like to stay over and have more sex in the morning!

BelindaCarlisle Sat 16-Feb-13 08:38:24

I think leaving is hookery

mercury7 Sat 16-Feb-13 10:47:07

no, asking for money is hookery
i just hate any kind of co sleeping and dont like company in the morning, dont like it much at any other time either!

niceupthedance Sat 16-Feb-13 13:05:17

I'm with Mercury, I can't sleep with anyone else in the bed. Or even the room. Why should I lie awake while someone else sleeps?

Blackden Sat 16-Feb-13 13:52:14

Well if it's a boyfriend, ie someone I've been seeing a few times, been out on dates with, I'd assume I was staying and tbh if he asked me to leave afterwards he likely wouldn't see me again.

However if it was ONS I'd assume I was leaving fairly soon afterward we'd finished having sex, same for anyone I was only seeing casually.

I used to find this perplexing when I had something ongoing that was casual. We only met for sex, never went out together on a date, it was just sex. My response to that would be to leave after sex, but after the first several times he asked me to stay over and he then assumed I would stay over each time. I always felt a bit disorientated in the morning though. I think falling asleep together as opposed to 'sleeping together' is very intimate and something I prefer to do with someone I'm more serious about.

TheCatIsEatingIt Sat 16-Feb-13 15:41:41

I think I'd expect to stay/him to stay. The first time with DH was in a hotel (because I'd taken him to meet my BF who was visiting from overseas and staying in another town) and I can't remember what happened after that. I remember that the first time I stayed over on a worknight was A Big Deal, as it was a few weeks before the decision on whether I'd be kept on after my training period, and I was so nervous about making sure I didn't look like I'd been up half the night shagging that I accidentally went to work in the jacket of one suit and the skirt of another!

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