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bunny boiler !!!!(31 Posts)
Dh and I have been married a year.
Dh has as son age 3 who on the only day of the week I finish early I pick him up from nursery.
We recently got a puppy. Dh has nagged and nagged saying I must take it to puppy training, so found one on the night I pick dss up from nursery bear in mind he finishes at 3 and the class starts at 6.
Anyways I said I was going and that I would take dss with me but dh said no its too late for him. Dh has a routine of going to the gym on a Thursday night, so I said maybe he could finish 15 mins early at gym to get back to let be go to the class , well it was like I was asking the impossible . I got called a bunny boiler, he said im not happy , we need to talk wtf is going on with him!
today got an unexpected bill he has just hit the roof, saying he works constantly and gets no where ! Will this ever get better ? I feel like im not god enough ! We both work long hours and money isn't tight! I don't see the problem he's been getting so worked up about the littlest things. I'm bed in tears because im fed up. I give everything to him and dss i don't think he relises that
Sorry for rant just needed to let it out.
I hadn't thought of it from a cheaty pov.
I thought the term 'bunny boiler' was used, as he wanted to convey that for the OP to expect anything from him other than what he deigns to give, was her being controlling.
To expect him to look after his own son - controlling.
To even dare suggest he might give up 15 minutes of his precious time to make things easier for everyone - controlling.
No - she is to do as he expects, and prioritise his wants...and anything else is controlling. Hence 'bunny boiler'.
He's trying to insult and shame her into going along with arranging things so he is the main priority.
The big turd.
Don't have much to add to the previous answers, except that it is highly recommended that all adults in the household attend dog training classes. It isn't up to just one member of the family to train a dog. He should probably be going too if possible.
Apart from that he sounds very unsupportive.
the OTT reaction from him suggests his "fun" is being ruined by OP
what that "fun" consists of is highly suspect IMO, bearing in mind his choice of insult
Was it his idea to get the puppy? his idea YOU should take it to classes? and you pick us his son for him.... and then he is rude when you can't fit all his demands into your schedule... oh dear.
Wonder if he would cut his contact time down if he didn't have you to pick DS up or would this affect payments? Wonder why he split with the mum of the DS.
Calling you bunny boiler I suspect was a slip of the tongue and something he has called someone else...
I have not been very helpful on the advice front have I. I can tell you really like this guy and you like the family, dog and DS aspects. See how it goes. You are more `aware' now maybe you will notice more things and then you will know what to do. I just realised you are married, maybe he thinks you are all his to do as he wishes. I really wish you well, you sound like a really nice person trying to do the right thing.
To me, he either looks like a completely selfish, overbearing & entitled prat or a man who's starting an affair.
Like a couple of previous posters, I thought of cheating due to the combination of Essential Gym Time and "bunny boiler". I thought maybe he's been moaning a bit about you to somebody, and maybe that person said you sound like a bit of a bunny boiler. So maybe he's making you a bunny boiler, in his mind, because the misconception is convenient to him.
As he's already moaning about money, too, steppy, I see this heading rapidly towards a full-length dramatisation of "Poor Man Just Wants A Decent Life (Is That Too Much To Ask?)" also known as "Women, They're Never Satisfied (They Make Your Life A Misery)". Cheating is an optional extra in this production; the outcome's the same either way.
I think you should cut your losses now, but I also think you don't want to yet. It's probably wise for you to put things sternly on the line first, so you know you're doing your best. It's unacceptable for him to refuse to take care of his own son. He should be sharing the puppy training with you - who's doing the walks and grooming, btw? - and he's out of order to moan about money. Have the hard talk, see how it goes.
Might be worth a chat with his ex, too - or were you the other woman?
Puppy: you should not have this! 1) DC is too young, and2) you both work. Get dog when child older & there is someone around the house more. ( I volunteer for a breed rescue charity.)
This will reduce conflict.
Frankly, from how you describe your "D"P, he is not a keeper, but that is for you to sort out, eventually. Good luck!
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