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Ending an emotional affair...

(30 Posts)
ReapingTheConsequences Fri 15-Feb-13 13:45:10

I ended a 7 month long distance emotional affair on Saturday sad
Am so relieved it is over but I miss him terribly and so, so, so, so want to contact him again sad
Please help me not to, how can I stop thinking about him all the time. I honestly don't want to go back to anything inappropriate with him but I just desperately miss his friendship, care, love. What's going on in my head, given that I have a lovely dh who loves me dearly?? sad
Just want to cry all the time. I know I've brought this on myself by ever going along with something i knew was wrong (despite the fact we're on opposite sides of the world) but telling myself that is not getting me anywhere. Can anyone help me understand what's going on in my head and move on? At the moment, contemplating the rest of life never hearing from him again just seems unbearably sad sad

plinkyplonks Tue 19-Feb-13 19:20:24

OP - well done on ending the affair!

I see relationships kind of like investments - they are only as good as the love and care you put in them. You and your DH are a team. Stop trying to join another team. Invest all that time and love in your real life relationship and all those things you crave will come with time smile

Good luck smile

ReapingTheConsequences Wed 20-Feb-13 12:42:01

Well it's been 10 days now with no contact at all. I still think of him through every day from the moment I wake up till the moment I go to sleep, but no longer with such intensity of emotion - already the whole thing has begun to take on an air of unreality and I am just ashamed at how naive, immature, selfish and two-faced I've been sad. I do miss the attention, the texts, the knowledge that across the other side of the world there was someone thinking I was wonderful, but one thing I'm realising more and more was that he was never "in love" with me at all, he was just in love with the idea of me... and I fell for it like a fool.
For anyone going through a similar experience I think the advice on this thread has been brilliant, especially muttering "sordid cliched predictable tacky" like a mantra - brings you right down to earth! Going ahead (and never wanting to repeat this experience) I am going to be much less naive about personal compliments from other men, no matter how innocent they might seem at the start, and never again to allow myself to be drawn into a correspondence I wouldn't want to share with dh (this all took off when OM asked if he could send me just one private message not for dh's eyes, I thought just one would be ok.....)
I've a way to go but already it's much better smile
Thanks for brilliant anonymous support smile

Slippersox Wed 20-Feb-13 19:46:04

Just want to say well done for being strong and breaking off your EA, and realising it was a fantasy bubble of a relationship that if your 'lovely' DH ,as you refer to him, had found out would have devastated him no doubt.
I sadly found out about a secret friendship my DH had with a work contact as a result of her partner finding explicit texts and I love you's ( from her to my DH).It broke my heart and nearly ended a marriage that had been strong and happy for many years.And my DH would second the fact there was essentially nothing wrong between us until OW started texting him and he was weak and selfish enough to enjoy and encourage the flattery and flirtation.
Of course you've a long way to go.10 months of addictive, secretive behaviour is going to take some significant recovery time.But all the best, and try not to be too hard on yourself.Focus all your energies on rebuilding your relationship with your DH , because believe me even if he never ' knows' what went on this will inevitably have detracted from your marriage big time.Good luck and stay strong.

Slippersox Wed 20-Feb-13 19:47:39

Oops sorry meant 7 months.Had read your post properly but been a long day!

stationlady47 Thu 02-Jan-14 09:45:42

Hello, Reaping the Consequences .... just wondered, are you there? I wondered if I could ask your advice, please!

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