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Being touched sexually whilst asleep and worse please help

(83 Posts)
Wouldbefunnyifitwasnttrue Wed 13-Feb-13 16:23:20

This has gone on for a while but has reached the point where I am frightened to sleep next to him
It has gone from a bit of groping to really nasty aggressive touching and the words spoken make me feel physically sick.

He says the most horrendous things to me.
He is definitely asleep so I don't know what to do but I am scared to go to sleep properly now

Any advice ?

Naysa Wed 13-Feb-13 16:26:38

Make him sleep on the couch until he gets help.

BerylStreep Wed 13-Feb-13 16:27:41

How do you know he is definitely asleep?

What is his reaction when you speak to him about it?

What does he say when you tell him what he's done?

Does he offer to go get help/sleep somewhere else, is he really, genuinely sorry, or does he turn it back on you?

If the latter - then he's NOT asleep, he's abusive, he is pretending, and you need to get away from him.

Wouldbefunnyifitwasnttrue Wed 13-Feb-13 16:29:58

I haven't spoken to him
He's definitely asleep because he just wouldn't say those things when he awake
He has been increasingly disrespectful of me recently though and we aren't sleeping together so I can't help wondering if this is building into setting else

paulapantsdown Wed 13-Feb-13 16:31:35

Well if he is frightening you, and you have told him this, then he should be activley seeking help for this as a matter of urgency.

How can you be sure he is actually asleep? I f he isn't, then you have a whole other word of problem.

tribpot Wed 13-Feb-13 16:32:16

^He's definitely asleep because he just wouldn't say those things when he awake
He has been increasingly disrespectful of me recently though^

Can you see how, to an outsider, these statements don't really tally?

I think he is probably aware that he's doing it, and is preparing you for worse. He needs to get help, and you need to be safe.

...because he just wouldn't say those things when he awake. He has been increasingly disrespectful of me recently though and we aren't sleeping together...

He is building up to saying those things while "awake" - he is saying them on purpose while pretending to be asleep, to test you and see what you'll put up with.

Why haven't you spoken to him - are you scared of his reaction?

Trib is right.

LaurieFairyCake Wed 13-Feb-13 16:32:55

There is only a very small possibility he is asleep.

It is far, far more likely that he is abusing you. Please get help.

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Wed 13-Feb-13 16:32:58

Id Record it on your phone, play it back to him. Gauge his reaction from there. Sounds awful and needs addressing asap

JamieandtheMagicTorch Wed 13-Feb-13 16:33:20

Oh dear.

I wouldn't be funny if it wasn't true.

Are you frightened to talk to him about it? Please protect yourself

Greensleeves Wed 13-Feb-13 16:33:55

I would get the hell out of there, sorry

You are not safe sad

I think you need to confront him and he needs to get help. Agree with trib. Stay safe.

worldgonecrazy Wed 13-Feb-13 16:34:57

Speak to him about it and sleep in separate beds until it is sorted.

Wouldbefunnyifitwasnttrue Wed 13-Feb-13 16:36:12

Sorry for user name - no it wouldn't be funny.

I'm a really old regular and just picked a name that I had but hadn't used before

I know I need to speak to him, I just don't know what to say. The things he has said to me are appalling sad

Greensleeves Wed 13-Feb-13 16:37:04

Do you have family nearby? Have you spoken to anyone IRL about it? Do you have children together?

Sorry it's questions, but I am worried for you. This situation sounds dangerous to me.

UnicornCentaur Wed 13-Feb-13 16:40:02

an ex of mine used to do something similar, he wasn't asleep but said he couldn't help it.

I waited for him to realize it wasn't right but it kept getting worse and in hindsight I should have run before things got as bad as they did. if he is genuinely unaware of what hes doing he should be horrified and do something about it, if he doesnt leave.

Wouldbefunnyifitwasnttrue Wed 13-Feb-13 16:43:58

Yes I've got family but how the hell do I speak to them ?
It's far too embarrassing
Greeny we have one child.

I'm pretty much sleeping with one eye open and I'm ill and need to rest. I stead I feel vulnerable and frightened in my own bed
I just feel really uneasy. He has some new friends and came home from seeing them the other day talking about fetish which he has never mentioned before
Apparently his friends are into it and he has decided so is he so they must have looked at porn. Should prob mention his friends are a hetero couple.
Something just isn't right, something has changed and it's worrying me

Make sure another adult, who knows the situation, is there in the house when you start the conversation - I'm really afraid that he will escalate.

Also, I notice that you are only mentioning the things that he has said in your last few posts?

Forgive me if I'm misinterpreting but you seem just to be concentrating on the words he has said - but the groping is just as bad - please don't minimise his horrendous behaviour.

I know your mind plays tricks on you in this sort of situation to make it bearable, but NONE of this behaviour is remotely acceptable - if he is a decent partner he will want to address it all. (I fear he is not, though)

Please keep yourself safe.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Wed 13-Feb-13 16:45:55

This just sounds so abusive.

What do you think would happen if you spoke to him about it? Why haven't you so far?

JamieandtheMagicTorch Wed 13-Feb-13 16:46:34

.... I'm not saying you should, I'm wondering why you haven't?

ElephantsAndMiasmas Wed 13-Feb-13 16:47:04

By saying awful things do you mean swearing at you, criticising you, threatening you?

It sounds terrifying to be honest and I would be getting support (possibly place to stay if you can) and then confronting him about it.

It's so awful but I also suspect he knows what he's doing sad


You say he's said horrendous things, do you mean like rape/hurting you? or just gross offensive things? (I don't need detail, just trying to gauge how bad it is)

BloominMarvellous Wed 13-Feb-13 16:53:13

I agree. He knows EXACTLY what he is doing. Reading that has made me feel sick so I can't imagine how you are feeling.

My ex used to drink and abuse me and pretend he didn't remember in the morning but I knew he did.

Please please get help sad

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