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My husband is obsessed with his willy

(149 Posts)
Falsey Tue 12-Feb-13 12:29:03

Have name changed to save embarrassment.

I have been with dh a long time and we are happily married. However, he has always been slightly obsessed with his willy. This has been slightly irritating over the years, but I have learnt to ignore it (his obsession not his willy).

Anyway, I have found out that he has been going on sex toy websites and had purchased false willy covers of different sizes, which I think you wear over your willy to make them look bigger. He has then been wearing them at sporting events under hs cycling shorts!

My dh has a completely normal willy, it is not small and perfectly fine. He is a good looking successful man.

I don't know why this has irritated me, but the thought of my dh cruising sex toy websites, ordering products, having them posted to work rather than home and then wearing them when I am not with him, is strange. He then puts pictures of himself in his enhanced cycling shorts on fb.

I really don't know if I should be annoyed or not! What do you think?

KatoPotato Tue 12-Feb-13 14:22:43

How does said implement 'attach'? does it have balls???

lottiegarbanzo Tue 12-Feb-13 14:22:46

Well, I think you either take it seriously and try to get to the root of the issue, so to speak, or send it up totally, knit him a pink willy-warmer and tease him mercilessly.

Sugarice Tue 12-Feb-13 14:22:53

Well he clearly gets thrill out of putting one on.

It's hard to know what to say really, feel free to tell me to sod off but does he like using sex toys in bed with you?

MimsyBorogroves Tue 12-Feb-13 14:25:39

I would immediately think he was trying to catch someone's eye. Hopefully not literally.

You know, that picture is a bit...blatant...but I'm suddenly considering taking up cycling.

Seriously, though, isn't the female equivalent a bit like <cough> accentuating one's camel toe? Eeeew.

piprabbit Tue 12-Feb-13 14:28:32

The OP said his willy is "perfectly fine". Which is a fairly damning description of an uninspiring willy...may be "quite nice" would be worse, but only just.

It's like the woman with a B-cup who wears a padded bra. Nobody else notices or cares particularly but it makes her feel better able to face the day.

TBH the OP doesn't sound very empathetic about her DH's body image issues. It all sounds like a slightly tedious joke - poor bloke. I think a pleasant and gentle chat is in order.

garlicblocks Tue 12-Feb-13 14:31:57

It sounds a bit daft to me. But harmless.

Wasn't half of Mumsnet leching over David Beckham in his H&M knickers last week? And we all had a careful look at the swimwear ads, a few weeks before that, where the hunk of model's knob was teasingly outlined against the lycra.

Same sort of thing as chicken fillets, imo. Wear 'em if you care how big other people think you are smile

Miggsie Tue 12-Feb-13 14:37:48

I'm veering towards him getting a very very good therapist - he is focussing a lot more attention in that area than is normal - getting to the point of a fetish....

Posting on facebook is crossing the line - this is the electronic version of becoming a flasher.

I don't think ignoring it is an option here.

threestepsforward Tue 12-Feb-13 15:30:56

Falsey I'm afraid I have no advice...

I also never routinely check out packages, but made an exception for this:

Brucie bonus

I admit to having spent an unhealthy amount of time gazing at this blush

fuzzpig Tue 12-Feb-13 16:23:23

I'd be really freaked out by the photos TBH. He obviously doesn't need to impress you, his partner and lover, so why is he wanting other people to look at his willy?!

SoleSource Tue 12-Feb-13 16:54:12

Non issue for me it would be. I have never heardof false penis cvets.

I might get one

Branleuse Tue 12-Feb-13 16:59:37

saved that pic TSF smile

sydlexic Tue 12-Feb-13 17:05:27

Is it not the same as wearing chicken fillets?

I was just about to post that Bruce Springsteen picture, it's clearly relevant but I don't think he has a stick on. grin

AKissIsNotAContract Tue 12-Feb-13 17:14:59

Now he's bought them you might as well try them out for sex, that's what they are designed for after all.

GoSuckEggs Tue 12-Feb-13 17:18:59

FUCK ME!! This is the funnist OP i have ever read!! grin

pumpkinsweetie Tue 12-Feb-13 17:20:19

Got to admit blush that yes, i am partial to looking at mens parts.

ZenNudist Tue 12-Feb-13 17:23:58

This is a step up from stuffing a sock down there.

Very odd behaviour. Who exactly is he trying to impress with his fb package shots?

Wewereherefirst Tue 12-Feb-13 17:24:13

Perfect Valentines gift?

Higgledyhouse Tue 12-Feb-13 17:38:26

Threestepsforward; thanks for the pic, I'm a BIG Springsteen fan!!

No advice OP but I personally think your relatively calm and slightly comical approach to this is brilliant, I don't think it's something to be over analysed. I know people will disagree and how countless psychological explanations though!

For your sake though, I hope he gives the willy thing a rest grin

SnoogyWoo Tue 12-Feb-13 17:39:29

Interestingly, the flaccid length has no bearing on what the erect length will be.

You could have a chipolata in cycling shorts but it could turn out to be a massive ding dong when erect.

Undertone Tue 12-Feb-13 17:44:31

Isn't it a bit... exhibitionist? Like he wants people's eyes to be drawn to his package - and it's a bit aggressive and intrusive that he would have an unusually large bulge?

Big difference between him lurking in the bushes with a mac and waiting to jump out at some school girls and this... but the obsessiveness, the thinking that everyone WILL be looking at his crotch (so - delusional?), and the wanting to appear oddly large to gain a reaction...

Is it just me? Could this be a smidge worrying and veering on to a bit of a fetish?

BitOutOfPractice Tue 12-Feb-13 17:49:37

<strolls through thread hoping for more links>

GoSuckEggs Tue 12-Feb-13 17:56:17

grin @ BitOutOfPractice!

sudaname Tue 12-Feb-13 18:05:55

I am just crying laughing at this, havent recovered from the poster on page two who was worried about it slipping down his leg or up round the back. l just cant shake the mental image now of a spare willy and balls shape protruding out of someones backside or kneecap through their cycling shorts..

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - sorry <unhelpful>.


DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 12-Feb-13 18:17:21

Have just read and spluttered over MimsyBorogroves' comment about
I would immediately think he was trying to catch someone's eye. Hopefully not literally.

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