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My husband is obsessed with his willy

(149 Posts)
Falsey Tue 12-Feb-13 12:29:03

Have name changed to save embarrassment.

I have been with dh a long time and we are happily married. However, he has always been slightly obsessed with his willy. This has been slightly irritating over the years, but I have learnt to ignore it (his obsession not his willy).

Anyway, I have found out that he has been going on sex toy websites and had purchased false willy covers of different sizes, which I think you wear over your willy to make them look bigger. He has then been wearing them at sporting events under hs cycling shorts!

My dh has a completely normal willy, it is not small and perfectly fine. He is a good looking successful man.

I don't know why this has irritated me, but the thought of my dh cruising sex toy websites, ordering products, having them posted to work rather than home and then wearing them when I am not with him, is strange. He then puts pictures of himself in his enhanced cycling shorts on fb.

I really don't know if I should be annoyed or not! What do you think?

EauRouge Tue 12-Feb-13 13:06:41

False willy covers? Have I led a really sheltered existence? I've never even heard of them before.

Sorry, OP, I don't have any constructive advice for you. Maybe ask him if there's a reason why he's so insecure about it?

Hullygully Tue 12-Feb-13 13:06:54



JesusInTheCabbageVan Tue 12-Feb-13 13:08:30

Has anyone read So Much for That by Lionel Shriver? Spoiler below. This just got me thinking abut it... OP, do you think there's any risk he'd go for dodgy surgery? Maybe I'm overreacting, but it does sound like a slightly odd situation so who can tell. If I were you, I'd sound him out on it and (if he sounds like he's considering it) find some scare stories to warn him off. Or buy him that book grin

<spoilers> A guy decides to get a penis enlargement to 'surprise' his wife and it goes horribly, graphically wrong.

TalkativeJim Tue 12-Feb-13 13:09:33

All a bit silly.

Just tell him - 'DH. About your willy. NOBODY CARES, darling. Really. Nobody cares.'

izzyizin Tue 12-Feb-13 13:10:27

A fake set of larger than average male genitalia may look 'very realistic' in the box but your h will want the ground to open up and swallow him become an object of prolonged merriment if he discovers his falsies have slipped down to his knee or, worse, have crept under his crotch and are protruding from his rear end when he's mingling at one of the sporting events he attends smile

Branleuse Tue 12-Feb-13 13:10:50

I remember staring at this picture for hours as a teenager

TalkativeJim Tue 12-Feb-13 13:11:02

Willy covers.

Willy antimacassars.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Tue 12-Feb-13 13:12:31

I don't think willy bulges are attractive. They creep me out!

That is very strange, although I guess it is the same as us wearing spanx or a padded bra.

pumpkinsweetie Tue 12-Feb-13 13:13:11

Didn't even know they excistedgrin

Oh i learn something new everyday.
Fwiw imo, i would say it's rather concerning that he wants to enhance the 'largeness' of his penis to othersshock

Either he is plain weird, or showing off! Failing that maybe he has issues with himself??

Branleuse Tue 12-Feb-13 13:13:15

oh and david bowies crotch in labyrinth


MTBMummy Tue 12-Feb-13 13:14:00

I'm a keen cyclist and I would be lying if I said I didn't check out guys package when they wear lycra.

But I must say the posting pics of them on facebook would be the thing that concerns me - just seems a bit of an odd thing to do.

PureQuintessence Tue 12-Feb-13 13:15:05

Is he gay? Or bicurious?
Not many women look at a mans crotch (sorry branleuse), but gay men do...

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 12-Feb-13 13:17:50

Every day's a school day on MN! Does he think you check out other men? Have you ever even in jest made some unfortunate remark or compared him unfavourably to an ex?

Won't this, er, rear its head if you have a son? I hope DH wouldn't give a DS a complex.

KatherineKrupnik Tue 12-Feb-13 13:18:46

Reminded of the poem above!

5madthings Tue 12-Feb-13 13:19:19

How bizarre!

I have to say I have been known to notice the size of a mans package but its not something I look for. There was a thread on mnet during the olympics about a rower with a prominent display...

I don't think its worth being annoyed by but obviously something you should talk about.

am I the only one tempted to Google men's enhancers to see?! Must remember to clear internet history do as not to freak out dp

ShowOfHands Tue 12-Feb-13 13:23:32

If you were any sort of wife you'd knit him willy covers. Or crochet them. Plus a wank sock in coordinating colours.

CheeseandPickledOnion Tue 12-Feb-13 13:25:11

I.... No. There are no words.

lottiegarbanzo Tue 12-Feb-13 13:29:14

So he thinks women are interested in looking at men's packages, begging the obvious question, which women is he trying to attract?

lottiegarbanzo Tue 12-Feb-13 13:30:32

And Pure, yes, that was my first thought.

RevealTheHiddenBeach Tue 12-Feb-13 13:34:01

Assuming that this is a genuine post (sorry for writing that... but if it does turn out to be a joke I'd rather not look like a tooootal muppet)...

If you normally have a very open/honest relationship, then it sounds like he's just massively embarrassed about a part of his body, and struggles with it, and he's trying to deal with that in an albeit slightly random way. He probably hasn't helped himself either, with not talking about it, and building it up in his head to a point where he thinks everyone is going to be staring. It does remind me a bit of when people have weird (in their words) boobs or something, and assume that is what the whole world will stare at when it's totally not the case.

Maybe it would be helpful to him if you can focus away from being angry/frustrated with him, and try to talk through to the route of why he feels this way? I imagine it is hard to see it from his point of view, especially if you don't think there is anything wrong with his willy, but that might be helpful to him.

catladycourtney1 Tue 12-Feb-13 13:34:27

Bran haha I used to watch Labyrinth over and over when I was little... I watched it again recently and couldn't believe I wasn't scarred for life by the sheer amount of crotch. Or maybe I was.

Like izzy, I also wonder what he would do if he was to suffer a ahem... wardrobe malfunction, and ended up with a cock and balls halfway down his leg, or stuck to his bum. How do they work? Do you have to strap them on?

Sugarice Tue 12-Feb-13 13:35:42

He throws them away shock I'd be more pissed off with him for the waste of money more than the posturing with a fake cock.

I've not looked at these things on Love Honey, will go and look.

lottiegarbanzo Tue 12-Feb-13 13:36:34

Sounds like attention seeking not insecurity.

OP says he's always ben obsessed with it, not insecure about it.

SorryMyLollipop Tue 12-Feb-13 13:38:23

My ex was a cyclist, he (had a huge cock, but) always wore baggy cycling shorts. If he's insecure, maybe get him some baggy shorts?

Dp actually got really offended recently when I pointed out women don't generally like the sight of a lycra clad penis (I have no idea how we got onto the topic in the first place... I think we were watching ice skating or something)

Apparently I'm weird as I have no interest in eying up mens bits hmm

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