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Separated three years - should we try again?

(30 Posts)
mariefrance1 Tue 12-Feb-13 02:33:24

Exdh came to me out of the blue a month ago and asked to give our relationship one more go after three years separated (two while still in the same house.)
My first reaction was no chance, then gradually he talked me round into trying again but taking it slowly. However we have met up several times but the conversation becomes heavy and we end up arguing and there is nothing enjoyable or pleasant about being together.

To provide a bit of background, we have been together 15 years and things started to go downhill after we had our first of two children 9 years ago. He worked from home barely earning, I worked all hours in a stressful job. I wanted to stay at home or work part-time, he wanted me to bring in the money. Cue loads of arguments over the years about that.

He opted out of family life because he found looking after the children until I returned from work too stressful. I walked in from work, he walked out to do his own thing. He hated doing family stuff on weekends. More anger and resentment about that.

He has been diagnosed with depression and is on medication now and he claims he is a different person, that he can now see what he has lost, that he loves me and he can now cope with the children.

He says let's try again before we divorce and sell the house. Part of me thinks give it a go but I can't seem to get back any loving feelings for him. He is definitely acting more upbeat and loving so should I try and adjust to the new him? But if I don't love him or am not physically attracted to him at the moment should I put a stop to it now? Could my feelings for him grow? Has anyone got any experience of a couple trying again and genuinely making it work?

mariefrance1 Tue 12-Feb-13 17:41:57

No one has said they or anyone they know has made a successful go of it after a long separation. Or that someone can fundamentally change after a period apart. What makes me think my situation would be any different?!

newbiefrugalgal Fri 15-Feb-13 08:23:17

Be strong.
You can do it on your own.
You've proven this already.
Let him be a great dad -from a distance.
You deserve so much more happiness!!

mrscoleridge Fri 15-Feb-13 19:06:52

Absolutely not. Mind you may have clouded judgement thinking about my ex asking me that. But still no

Bitofadviceplease Fri 15-Feb-13 19:37:50

You sound like you know the answer your just wanting us to confirm it. NO smile

maleview70 Fri 15-Feb-13 19:41:36

I know someone who did this. She was married for 10 years then split for almost 3 years. Finally got back with him. Was happy for first 2/3 then it started going wrong again. Same issues as before. They parted finally after 7 years but by the end they were is separate rooms and leading completely separate lives. Their children therefore had to go through a split, a new man in their lives, another split, the happiness of seeing their parents back together and then seeing it all go wrong again....coldness, no tenderness, no love and a final and very acrimonious 2nd split and everything that entails.

That can't be good for children and in my opinion is not worth the risk.

By all means stay close to him for the kids sake but be better parents apart than you would ever be together!!

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