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Or is DH - re co-sleeping?

(203 Posts)
NightmareWalking Mon 11-Feb-13 17:39:05

DD doesn't spend a whole night in her cot any more (she used to). Between 1am and 3am she wakes up for comfort (not food or anything else) and I bring her into bed with DH & I.

DH is very against this and says I need to start making her sleep the whole night in her cot, rocking her back to sleep in the dark and so on, apparently we're making a rod for our backs, especially as he wants her to go into her own room soon.

DH does no nights with DD and hasn't since she was 6 weeks old (he could - we mix feed DD).

DD is 5 months old.

Me, I reckon as it's me dealing with nights I should just carry on what is easiest for DD & I, & I'm not fussed if DD goes into her own room next month or in five months although I think I'd prefer her to stay close to me longer.

Who is being U, please?!

GammerBeavis Wed 20-Feb-13 11:00:19

I've read this and feel for you. Good for calling the police. Nobody should have violence used against them. Another avenue to use could be your health visitor? They wouldn't tolerate violence and threats towards a baby and towards the mother.

leelteloo Tue 19-Feb-13 18:01:15

Hi Nightmare, how's things? You've been in my thoughts. I hope you are getting the space you need to think about things.

WoTmania Mon 18-Feb-13 11:53:14

I'm glad to hear you've spolent ot he police and got this logged and are now at your parents'. Hopefully this will give you some room and time to recuperate and rest and gather your thoughts.

McGilly Mon 18-Feb-13 02:33:47

Erm, spoiling as in ... Some indulgence and treats!

McGilly Mon 18-Feb-13 02:33:03

Good luck OP you deserve some spoiling too.

ComradeJing Mon 18-Feb-13 00:44:11

Thinking of you NW. Keep safe and keep posting for support.

JugglingFromHereToThere Sun 17-Feb-13 17:15:56

I guess it will be a big shock for them too - possibly a reason though not an excuse for some slightly misguided comments ?
Am so glad that you said DD and DParents will enjoy their time together !
Hope it's a good place for you to be too x

Skyebluesapphire Sun 17-Feb-13 17:14:06

Just read through your posts, I'm glad that you reported it to the police and that you are in a safe place with your parents.

Your H should be beside himself for what he did/said, and if he isn't, then you should think very carefully about your future. If he can't see that what he did was so so wrong, then it could easily happen again.

Flisspaps Sun 17-Feb-13 17:12:52

I would be very clear with your parents that stress from work is irrelevant - he wouldn't do what he did to someone in the street or to his boss, would he?

Don't let them minimise it either. Glad you're safe though smile

JugglingFromHereToThere Sun 17-Feb-13 17:01:26

Great news - well done NW - You are awesome !

Onwards and upwards smile

Lueji Sun 17-Feb-13 16:45:24

Good news.

FWIW, stress doesn't justify what he did or said.

Regardless, if that was the case, he should have removed himself from the home when he realised what he did and said.

Think very carefully about what you'd go back to. It may not be so easy to get out next time.

Keep safe.

NightmareWalking Sun 17-Feb-13 16:40:02

I'm at my parents now. They've been being brilliant - Mum is offering me food like it's going out of fashion and Dad won't stop making cups of tea. DD loving the attention also. I have heard a mention of 'poor H must be under so much stress with his work' though.

Anyway now I've got the space I need to process what's happened. I'll be posting sporadically - no internet access down here and phone coverage patchy! But I will update.

Lueji Sun 17-Feb-13 15:54:02

Just seen this and skimmed through past posts.

What he did to you is quite bad and what he said he'd do to DD is shocking.

Please do get him out of the house, or you leave. Staying at your parents is an excellent idea. Please do not come back until he leaves. And then change the locks.

You are not safe, even if he seems better now. sad

The likelihood that he'll do it again is very high, particularly as you have taken him back home again.

I was quite soft regarding ex, even letting him back on after calling the police on him. But, the time he mentioned hurting DS I was out of the door with DS as a flash within a couple of hours, in fact, and never came back, nor have I allowed unsupervised contact.

Your H is dangerous.

JugglingFromHereToThere Sun 17-Feb-13 15:36:54

Glad you're going to stay with DParents for a while.
When are you thinking of going ?

WhispersOfWickedness Sun 17-Feb-13 13:00:28

Well done for staying so strong. Hope the phone call with your parents is ok, I know mine would be distraught if I made the same phone call sad

MushroomSoup Sun 17-Feb-13 12:31:19

Have you rang your parents?
Just wanted to say I think you're incredibly brave. Well done!

NightmareWalking Sun 17-Feb-13 11:15:15

I don't think H would do it again but then I didn't think he would do it at all. Been together 10 years and no signs previously.

NightmareWalking Sun 17-Feb-13 11:04:22

Thanks Olivia.

H was in the spare room last night but I didn't feel unsafe - I think the police visiting fired a warning shot across the bows - that o won't tolerate violence at all. All the same i'm calling DParents today to ask if DD and I can come stay for a while.

OliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 17-Feb-13 10:40:21

further to a request from the Op we have moved this to relationshios
Hope you are okay op.

kinkyfuckery Sun 17-Feb-13 10:37:20

OP, do you feel you and your DD are safe? Are you in any way scared that your H will act like that again?

MinnieBar Sun 17-Feb-13 10:06:41

Where was your H last night OP?

JugglingFromHereToThere Sun 17-Feb-13 08:54:32

Glad to hear you've had a safe, quiet night x

Flisspaps Sun 17-Feb-13 08:32:49

Yes, nightmare, just report and they'll contact you. Go and listen to your voicemail too x

Queenofthehill Sun 17-Feb-13 08:29:42

OP, how are you this morning? Hope you and DD are OK and managed some sleep.

NightmareWalking Sun 17-Feb-13 08:28:11

Night passed safely and quietly for DD and I. She slept much better, only waking once to come into my bed.

I don't know about not being able to not press charges - I said I wanted the incident logged and that was all, the policemen wrote it all down, I signed it, he agreed that nothing would happen. He's since left a msg on my voicemail but what with one thing and another I haven't had a chance to listen yet.

I think I will ask for this to be moved - do I just report one of my posts to do that?

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