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Or is DH - re co-sleeping?

(203 Posts)
NightmareWalking Mon 11-Feb-13 17:39:05

DD doesn't spend a whole night in her cot any more (she used to). Between 1am and 3am she wakes up for comfort (not food or anything else) and I bring her into bed with DH & I.

DH is very against this and says I need to start making her sleep the whole night in her cot, rocking her back to sleep in the dark and so on, apparently we're making a rod for our backs, especially as he wants her to go into her own room soon.

DH does no nights with DD and hasn't since she was 6 weeks old (he could - we mix feed DD).

DD is 5 months old.

Me, I reckon as it's me dealing with nights I should just carry on what is easiest for DD & I, & I'm not fussed if DD goes into her own room next month or in five months although I think I'd prefer her to stay close to me longer.

Who is being U, please?!

SkinnybitchWannabe Mon 11-Feb-13 21:00:47

I co-slept with all of my 3 ds up until they were around 6-7months. I even had a little fridge and bottle warmer in my bedroom so I didn't have to go downstairs. I didn't give two shits if oh disapproved I still don't know or care what he thought!
All of my boys are brilliant sleepers and settled in their own rooms very quickly.
Plus I absolutely loved the cuddles!
Do whatever you feel is right.

Loislane78 Mon 11-Feb-13 21:02:39

YANBU My DD (just 6 mo) used to sleep in a cot really well. 1-2 BF a night and I was ok getting up as she settled quickly.

Then we hit 4 mo sleep regression, growth spurt, teething, flu = no more sleep!! Its also v cold and i think she likes it toasty smile

Co-sleeping is what's kept me reasonably lucid and luckily DP has no issues. She starts out in the cot and at some point will end up in our bed between us. If its early DP snuggles so I get more sleep then we switch. I don't sleep as well but some sleep is better than none and i quite like waking up to babbling/raspberries/having my hair and face stroked by a little hand smile

He isn't tired enough if he thinks co-sleeping isn't an option!!

pictish Mon 11-Feb-13 21:04:39

He is being unreasonable for not doing anything at night then thinking he can make demands about it.

That and only that.

Is he willing to put in the effort? If no - then he can zip it, frankly.

Joiningthegang Mon 11-Feb-13 21:10:19

I think co- sleeping makes sense, but ds age5 is still doing it every night

NightmareWalking Sat 16-Feb-13 01:37:49

Well our problems are a bit bigger than co-sleeping.

On Thursday after a very bad night with DD he promised he'd do the wakings tonight and possibly tomorrow. Well tonight DD wakes at 1, and eventually I get up and get her. DH says just fucking shut up DD. Apparently he can't deal with all these nights. When I point out that he doesnt deal with them, I do, he goes apeshit. Says he'll lose his temper and 'break DD in half' if he has to take her downstairs. Swears at me - I'm a fucking bitch apparently. Then storms off downstairs leaving me in tears with DD.

Just had to put it down as I know in the morning he'll be minimising and I'll doubt myself.

NightmareWalking Sat 16-Feb-13 01:42:19

Oh and it's about fucking time DD was in her own fucking room (like that will stop her waking up).

All this because I expected him to get up with his DD when he had offered to.

AmberLeaf Sat 16-Feb-13 01:46:06

Fucking hell!

What a cunt, sorry but that is dreadful, I don't care how tired/stressed he is!

You poor thing, what are you going to do?

NightmareWalking Sat 16-Feb-13 01:54:21

Thanks Amber, I didn't think anyone would be around this time of night to hold my hand. My instinct is to take DD and go home to my parents but their so far away, I don't have a car, can't afford train etc. Argh. Short term if he tries to insist on DD going into the nursery I'll go too and sleep permanently on the blow up bed and seriously consider whether it's worth staying in this marriage.

NightmareWalking Sat 16-Feb-13 01:56:37

And obviously not let him take DD on nights as I can't trust him which is possibly what he was aiming for?

NightmareWalking Sat 16-Feb-13 01:58:20

And now he's back. Apparently we 'need to have an honest and frank conversation tomorrow' and he's gone back to sleep. DD still awake...

MadonnaKebab Sat 16-Feb-13 02:01:02

Oh nightmare you poor thing
Try and get some sleep you will have some serious thinking to do tomorrow
That was unacceptable

AmberLeaf Sat 16-Feb-13 02:04:38

Yes I think you may be onto something with him doing that so you won't ask him again.

I wonder what he wants to say in that conversation tomorrow?

I bet he will turn this onto you, he must know he has behaved appallingly, so my guess is he has just sat and thought of something he can say to dig at you so as to deflect from his own awful behavior.

Can you speak honesty with your parents about this? Would they hep you out with train fares if you did~?

Hope you're ok

AmberLeaf Sat 16-Feb-13 02:05:36

honesty = honestly

NightmareWalking Sat 16-Feb-13 02:21:51

Well because I couldn't keep my mouth shut whilst he was blaming me and my trip to my DParents for all DD's sleep problems and calling me a fucking moron.. he tried to punch me in the face and throttle me whilst I was holding DD. Christ I'm shaking

Don't know what to do

He followed me downstairs to say he shouldn't have done that... but it's all my fault

AgentZigzag Sat 16-Feb-13 02:25:29

I'm a right arsey twat when I've just woken up, there's no way of getting past it, but for someone to be an arsey twat because they've woken up and to direct it at your baby...that has to be in another league.

You say he's great normally, does that mean you're purely putting this down to how he is when he wakes up?

But you seem to be taking what he's said seriously, are you worried he might act on what he's threatened? Would that be out of character if he's great normally?

AgentZigzag Sat 16-Feb-13 02:27:21

X-posts, you need to be calling the police pet, now I think.

AgentZigzag Sat 16-Feb-13 02:31:03

If you think getting on the phone to the police might make the situation worse and you are worried about how quickly it's escalating, can you get yourself out to a neighbours? Sort it out from there?

I know it sounds drastic, but if you don't feel safe, get out and worry about the other stuff later.

leelteloo Sat 16-Feb-13 02:40:59

Nightmare, that sounds horrific! How can you get yourself and dd somewhere safe? Is there anyone u can call if you don't want to call the police yet? hmm

NightmareWalking Sat 16-Feb-13 02:41:11

Am now barricaded into room with stuff wedged against the door. Have phone with me in case i need to dial 999

Will reassess in the morning and report to police then if o can

H geared up to sleep on sofa so think he will leave us alone

NightmareWalking Sat 16-Feb-13 02:41:58

I have no one. But won't put up with this shit for DD's sake

AgentZigzag Sat 16-Feb-13 02:51:10

Glad you feel a bit more in control.

It's unlikely just being woken up could provoke what you've described.

How will it be tomorrow do you think, from experience of what it's like to live with him?

You say he minimises stuff he's done and won't take responsibility, preferring to try to turn it into being you who made him behave like that. Does that suggest he's done it enough times for there to be patterns emerging?

leelteloo Sat 16-Feb-13 02:52:28

He should bloody leave! Bastard! Is he drunk or is this his normal 'charming' demeanour? I have had similar situation with my dh, no physical stuff but scary aggression and I too live far from friends and family. It makes you feel so vulnerable. My dh used to lame my visits to my dp as well and guilt trip me all the time. But what the fuck else are we supposed to do: they live too bloody far to pop over and I needed to be with my family. I am so confused for you right now. How dare he behaves in such a disgusting way and then try and blame you!!!

leelteloo Sat 16-Feb-13 02:56:35

And ds sleeps in with me after every night feed, usually he gets up about 2 and then stays with me. I could put him back but I like sleeping with him. I much prefer it to sleeping with dh! I love being in the spare room and kind of dreading having to return to our room.

NightmareWalking Sat 16-Feb-13 03:00:11

Never been violent before but we did used to occasionally have heated late night rows before DD though not for a few years so that's why I know he'll minimise. Although violence changes everything.

He was tipsy at bed time but not drunk

DD still wide awake unsurprisingly, don't think well get any sleep tonight.

Cherriesarelovely Sat 16-Feb-13 03:01:04

Given the benefit of hindsight I would say YANBU. Do whatever gives you all the most sleep. I battled for weeks to get Dd back to sleep at that age and she outgrew it in the end. Wish I had just co slept instead....that was 10 years ago but the memory of being that sleep deprived still haunts me!

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