Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Today I am going to dump my boyfriend

(59 Posts)
freddiemercuryismine Mon 11-Feb-13 09:26:37

Hold my hand please.

He's a lovely lovely man I love the bones of him. But the relationship is never going to work and I need end it. He gets back from a work trip today and will phone me to let me know he's home and I am going to dump him. <heartless bitch emoticon>

Numberlock Tue 12-Feb-13 14:29:00

Is he in the forces or does he work for a UK-based company where he travels a lot (eg international sales)? (Just wondering why he can't contact you.)

How far away from you is he when he's in the UK?

freddiemisagreatshag Tue 12-Feb-13 14:13:52

Once the DCs are out of school yes I would move in a heartbeat.

No he wouldn't look for a job with less travel

We have discussed a future, but it's a long way away, at least 4/5 years for various reasons.

LesserOfTwoWeevils Tue 12-Feb-13 14:09:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

freddiemisagreatshag Tue 12-Feb-13 11:16:47

In a few weeks. I think it's probably better to have a proper conversation face to face?

Numberlock Tue 12-Feb-13 11:15:20

Fair enough. When will you next see him?

freddiemisagreatshag Tue 12-Feb-13 11:07:03

Yes very briefly last night. I chickened out of any kind of a deep conversation (he was tired, I was tired, it was just not the right time).

Numberlock Tue 12-Feb-13 11:01:25

Have you spoken to him freddie? I think you said you were going to speak last night as he'd just got back from a trip?

freddiemisagreatshag Tue 12-Feb-13 10:08:20

Thanks folks this is terribly self indulgent whinging smile I am coming to the conclusion that I am so conflicted that I need to just put the whole thing on the back burner in terms of not over-thinking it and letting it be in my head so much and just see what happens. But that's not my natural state of mind!

flatbellyfella Tue 12-Feb-13 09:00:22

Sometimes we just have to knuckle down & plod on,if our circumstances are stacked against us, ie..children schooling income." The Grass is not always greener on the other side," so to speak.

Numberlock Tue 12-Feb-13 08:59:30

No of course not but don't forget the grass is rarely greener on the other side.

freddiemisagreatshag Tue 12-Feb-13 08:34:50

Flatbellafella - no clearer at all and no decision made. Another sleepless night. Which isn't good for me. I either have to end this or knuckle under and carry on but surely a relationship shouldn't be about knuckling under and plodding on?

flatbellyfella Tue 12-Feb-13 08:33:18

How are things today Freddie? Do you feel any clearer in your mind.

freddiemisagreatshag Mon 11-Feb-13 20:29:36

No chance of me moving have kids in school he could move here I suppose but he'd still be away such a lot

Numberlock Mon 11-Feb-13 20:28:23

And there's no possibility of you moving to be nearer him or does he travel all over?

freddiemisagreatshag Mon 11-Feb-13 20:22:21


Actually what i want is for him to move here, get a pipe and slippers and sit here every night with me having great sex and watching DVDs

But that's never going to happen grin

Numberlock Mon 11-Feb-13 20:21:28

Well good luck whatever you decide but remember the dating world is shite these days lol.

freddiemisagreatshag Mon 11-Feb-13 20:16:27

Sort of number. Sort of. Ideally. but it's complicated.

Numberlock Mon 11-Feb-13 20:15:31

So would you be ending this in the hope of finding someone long-term and local and with more free time? Nothing wrong with that but easier said than done.

I'm 45 and staying happily single for the time being but know through years of experience how hard it is to find someone who ticks the same boxes as me.

freddiemisagreatshag Mon 11-Feb-13 19:53:38

And I have loads of other stuff going on in my life but I want my partner here. I know that isn't what everyone would want but it's what I want. Ideally. If I can.

freddiemisagreatshag Mon 11-Feb-13 19:52:41

i don't mean it like that Solid I just mean I'm lonely and it's hard being on my own. especially when it's not what I'd choose.

SolidGoldBrass Mon 11-Feb-13 19:49:42

OP, why would it matter if your friends 'think he's a figment of your imagination'? TBH I think you're being a bit of a drama llama and shooting yourself in the foot if you dump this man because you don't see each other every night.
Please bear in mind that for most people, living with a partner gets pretty boring after a year or so: however nice s/he is, there will be a certain amount of gazing vacantly at the telly ove a microwave meal, rows about putting the bins out and leaving the bog seat up, etc etc, whereas a long distance number can be all fun and no daily grind. But a relationship shouldn't be the focus of your life anyway - what hobbies and interests do you have?

HawthornLantern Mon 11-Feb-13 18:49:23

Oh Freddie, this is sad. A long term relationship over a long distance can be stressful - particularly if that isn't the kind of relationship you would ideally want to have.

I spent nearly 4 years in a very long distance relationship and at the end of that time we needed to make a decision - to find a way of trying to live together or decide to call it a day even though that would hurt.

For us it worked. I got a job in his country (a job I'd be thrilled with under any circumstances) and we've now had a few years of happily living together.

I think I could have managed another 1 or 2 years long distance, but after that I would have had to say "I love you but I can't do this any more." So I completely get that even when it's lovely it can't necessarily be indefinite. Maybe you are at that stage now of saying you can't continue or maybe, just maybe if you talk with your DP, you can work out a plan that would work for you both and that might tide you over a bit longer.

I don't think that's advice so much as sincere sympathy and a hope that it could just work out for you somehow.

Jellykat Mon 11-Feb-13 18:47:29

Ahh maybe that needs to be sorted out then..
In this day of modern technology it wouldn't be difficult to do, talk to him, tell him how you feel, and hopefully the pair of you can come up with some proper solutions.. If he's not willing to do that, it's not good, it may then be time to have a rethink about where you're going.

freddiemisagreatshag Mon 11-Feb-13 18:40:00

I trust him totally and utterly. But when he's away, he's away. There's sporadic contact but not regular or everyday or anything. If I needed support I'd be on my own.

Jellykat Mon 11-Feb-13 18:36:33

It must be hard, i had an ex once who lived in the South of France, so i do know what it's like kind of..
When he's away do you keep in daily contact? If you needed support could you call? do you trust him? These things are just as important as physically being in each others presence surely..

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now