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Oh god... Slept with my BFF....

(126 Posts)
icemaidensu Sun 10-Feb-13 21:34:25

What was I thinking!!!.... Would it be considered ' cheating' on my partner?? It wont happen again...there have been a few jokey comments today so am not worried about losing our friendship... That said, its all feeling a bit freaky!!

AnyFucker Sun 10-Feb-13 21:36:41


You are with a partner, and you slept with someone else and you wondering if it constitutes cheating ?

<ignores the gender questions on this thread>

Shakey1500 Sun 10-Feb-13 21:38:20

Of course it's cheating. I'm astounded the question needs asking.

VBisme Sun 10-Feb-13 21:41:07

Erm yes, that would be considered cheating.

Casmama Sun 10-Feb-13 21:41:38

Unless by slept with you mean shared a bed and had no physical contact then yes of course it's cheating.

icemaidensu Sun 10-Feb-13 21:46:34

Ok... Sorry... I am in a very happy hetro relationship... Am staying with my best friend(girl) who I have known for upwards of 15 years. Last night the wine was flowing and we were putting the world to rights as you do... And ended up sleeping together... It is not going to happen again but am a bit wierded out by it. I dont consider myself bi sexual at all.. Though when i was 20 did have one experiment... And now 20 years later this! I reckon I will blame the vino and be done with it

monkeyfacegrace Sun 10-Feb-13 21:47:07


If I shagged my best mate, my DH most pleased.

But thats just the way he is.


ThePathanKhansAmnesiac Sun 10-Feb-13 21:50:41

Do define cheating by the genitals involved?
Of course it's bloody cheating!

ThePathanKhansAmnesiac Sun 10-Feb-13 21:51:13


DeafLeopard Sun 10-Feb-13 21:55:48

Being unfaithful is being unfaithful, regardless of who you slept with

icemaidensu Sun 10-Feb-13 21:56:01

Yes, genitals involved... But like I said its not going to happen again... We both agreed that this morning, best just chalk it up to experience huh!

EverybodysSootyEyed Sun 10-Feb-13 21:57:29

why don't you just ask your partner what he thinks? it doesn't really matter what MN says!

ZenNudist Sun 10-Feb-13 21:58:11

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

FergusSingsTheBlues Sun 10-Feb-13 21:58:33

You do sound quite pleased about it, OP......

icemaidensu Sun 10-Feb-13 21:59:11

Nah... Think will just forget it now.

LouMacca Sun 10-Feb-13 21:59:35

God I've lived a sheltered life!! Or is this a wind up??

BluelightsAndSirens Sun 10-Feb-13 22:01:14

Will you tell your partner?

Kione Sun 10-Feb-13 22:07:02

just asked my partner (man) and he says itbus cheating but its not the same as being penetrated by another mans cock hmm , so ea bit more easily forgiveable. But that it depends on the emotional involvement

thecatneuterer Sun 10-Feb-13 22:09:51

I agree - best to just chalk it up to experience. And no, I don't think it does count as 'proper' cheating and I bet if most women, and probably even icemaiden, told their partners that this had happened, their partners wouldn't really mind and certainly a fair few would find it titilating. After all, where a bit of experimentation with the same sex is concerned, the person doing the experimenting is extremely unlikely to start having romantic feelings about their same-sex partner as they are basically straight. And if the female 'experimenter' were to tell their partner about it, then their partner is unlikely to feel the sort of insecurities they would if she had had sex with another man - eg 'is he better looking/younger than me?', 'better hung than me', 'better in bed than me?'. Some men may consider it cheating, but I bet the majority wouldn't. But, in these circumstances, absolutely no harm done and, if in doubt, just err on the side of keeping quiet about it and that will be that.

And in case anyone accuses me of double standards - ie 'what if your male partner told you he'd just had a drunken fumble with his male friend?', well yes, my reaction would be (and in fact has been in the past) exactly the same.

NorksAreMessy Sun 10-Feb-13 22:10:05

And how does she feel about this.
There are three people here who could be hurt.

Be kind

NorksAreMessy Sun 10-Feb-13 22:10:35

Oh, yes and I your DP did this with HIS BFF how would you feel?

MajesticWhine Sun 10-Feb-13 22:16:14

Yes, of course it's cheating. What were you thinking?

FringeEvent Sun 10-Feb-13 22:18:28

Yes, of course sleeping with someone other than your partner is 'cheating' (unless you are in an open relationship and have agreed in advance that having other sexual partners is ok in your relationship, which clearly isn't the case here).

You seem so sure it won't happen again, but I'm betting you were not expecting last night to happen either, so how can you be so certain you won't be tempted again in the future after a few drinks too many? Either with the same friend again, or with someone else.

You say you are in a 'happy' relationship with your partner, but if that was really the case, why would you be engaging in sexual activity with another person? Now would be a good time to evaluate how you actually feel about your current partner, because simply 'chalking it up to experience' the morning after sleeping with someone else suggests you don't have much respect for him. If you regret what happened, if you're actually mortified by your behaviour and you want to figure out what led you to this situation so you can prevent another occurrence, then I understand that admitting your infidelity to your partner might be more damaging than keeping it a secret. But you have to recognise this for what it is.

How would you feel if the roles were reversed?

TDada Sun 10-Feb-13 22:20:01

Excuse me but you don't sound real?

BertieBotts Sun 10-Feb-13 22:20:21

I think if your husband slept with a man and then didn't tell you about it and you later found out you'd be pretty upset, non?

You can't just decide "it doesn't count because I'm not gay". It still happened.

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