Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Confused and feeling low(5 Posts)
Don't know where to start, I have so many emotions going on inside. Been living alone 3 yrs feeling very lonely this evening. Have a boyfriend who has his own place we have been planning to live together soon. I have held back so far for various reasons, it might complicate my divorce, financial, and we have fallen out a lot often culminating with him saying its over and storming out. Then later contacting me either to continue his side of the argument or to say he didn't mean it.
Anyway sometimes I feel secure that he loves me and sometimes I seriously wonder but I don't know if that's because I'm an insecure person. He can be very helpful and supportive then at other times in my view can do some real hurtful things. Often I feel if I tell him my feelings he tells me I'm having a go at him and blaming him and HE yells at ME.
Earlier this week I had a family member taken quite seriously ill and whilst he came with me he was quiet and withdrawn the next day and I asked a couple of times what the matter was and he ended up storming out saying I was " having a go" hence I was upset being yelled at and left when I was worrying about family member.
Sorry I'm not explaining how I feel very well that's probably because I feel so confused and hurt by some of his reactions sometimes. It makes me imagine all sorts, that he doesn't actually love me, that he's with me till someone else comes along, that he's no good at relationships/ dealing with female emotions. All or some of these may or may not be true I'm so mixed up. If I put any of this to him I never know what reaction il get because it varies, sometimes he, be open to discussing and understanding but other times he,l he takes it all as a personal attack. Don't know what help anyone can give but at least it's all off my chest.
I wrote this reply to you only a couple of days ago and it bears repeating:-
"You deserve far better than he but unfortunately for you, you do not currently believe that. He's also likely to be cheating on you as well given his suspicious behaviours with the phone and the ways he is projecting all his crap onto you. You and he should not be together at all, its not working is it?.
He's dragging you down as well as your own self and you are doing a good job of currently growing flowers in the hole you find yourself in. You're right in one respect in that you truly need to sort yourself out. Only you though can do that. Its up to you in the end to decide whether you want to live this dead end life with a man who treats you with contempt or actually make real changes for you and with you solely in mind".
Please don't move in together; if this is what it is like now then imagine him with his feet under the table. You will only bring yourself more pain if you move in together, to me your life with him is miserable now and I'm only having to read this.
At the end of the day you can only help your own self. You need time on your own and certainly without this person in your day to day life. You have not yet divorced yet here you are with another emotionally manipulative manchild, ask yourself why that is.
I know only I can change things. But often I'm really happy it's not always bad. That's what makes it so confusing is that I can't get my head round how he can go from being loving to making me feel he doesn't love me.
I mean surely no relationship is perfect and nobody is perfect. And after he has blown up at me he will ring and reassure me or apologise. Maybe I'm just too sensitive
We do have a laugh together, I guess what I'm trying to say is its a bit of a roller coaster not a smooth train ride. And I do worry that he is fine when it's all lovey dovey then when there are problems or he feels I'm getting at him it all goes tits up
Does he handle communicating badly?
Can he bothered with your problems, or does he want it all to be about him?
Where exactly does his inadequacy lie?
Confusion, imho is often a symptom of not seeing the person you are with as they really are. Of being in that early stage of having fallen for the person you think they are rather than the person they really are.
I certainly wouldn't think of getting any further involved until you've seen some real change from him with regard to how he behaves.
Join the discussion
Please login first.