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what is the proper word for it

(19 Posts)
Nagoo Sat 09-Feb-13 20:17:24

when a person undermines you saying something like 'I don't care what everyone else says, I don't think you are a cunt, I always stick up for you when people are slagging you off' or similar words to that effect?

Clearly the intention is to make you doubt yourself and distrust your other friends, I know what she's doing, but I don't know what it is called.

CailinDana Sat 09-Feb-13 20:20:01

Being a bitch?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sat 09-Feb-13 20:20:20

It's like she's paying you a backhanded compliment but that's not exactly it, is it.

Not very pleasant, anyway.

SamSmalaidh Sat 09-Feb-13 20:20:54

A backhanded compliment?

ItWentThatWay Sat 09-Feb-13 20:21:41


Losingexcessweight Sat 09-Feb-13 20:23:50


Wewereherefirst Sat 09-Feb-13 20:24:50

Being a cunt? Or gaslighting

jkklpu Sat 09-Feb-13 20:26:00

damning with faint praise?

kalidanger Sat 09-Feb-13 20:27:47

It's not very nice at all, that's what it is.

Is this a 'friend'? Relative?

ThreeBeeOneGee Sat 09-Feb-13 20:28:49

Oooh, I had an ex that used to do this. He would tell me how all of his friends were concerned that I was too emotionally demanding and too much of a liability relationship-wise, but he made sure I knew that he always stood up for me in these conversations.

I eventually realised it was insecurity on his part. I was completely out of his league and he was scared I would realise it. Fortunately once I met DH, I soon realised how much of a dick my ex was.

Nagoo Sat 09-Feb-13 20:39:43

No one important enough to matter. I don't take her seriously, but it interested me to know if there was a proper term for this 'technique'.

Corygal Sat 09-Feb-13 20:45:52

There should be a neat German or Japanese word for it, but I'd go for snide.

LesserOfTwoWeevils Sat 09-Feb-13 21:17:13

Passive aggressive...pretending to be nice but really getting in a dig at you.

Nagoo Mon 11-Feb-13 08:59:38

divide and conquer I found it smile

targaryen24 Mon 11-Feb-13 09:03:53

Emotional manipulation. And it's extremely insidious & destructive. Whoever they are, I wouldn't listen to a word that came out of their mouth grin

targaryen24 Mon 11-Feb-13 09:04:37

Divide and conquer is the battle plan I guess brew

Nagoo Mon 11-Feb-13 09:09:08

I never understand what these people think that they are going to win!

Dryjuice25 Mon 11-Feb-13 12:13:47


DancesWithBabies Mon 11-Feb-13 12:19:42

Shit stirring

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