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DH is sulking because I don't fancy sex tonight...

(151 Posts)
AuntLucyInPeru Sat 09-Feb-13 20:11:17

We basically had a crap day in the cold wrestling with the kids, followed (at the end of the day) by tea and Nanny McPhee.

He mentioned sex earlier and I said "prob not, I just can't feel sexy after a day of arguing with a 2yr old and 5yr old all day".

So he brings it up again just now by asking me to go and have a bath, and I said 'no thanks, I know the subtext, just don't fancy sex tonight'. So now he's throwing washing up around the kitchen furiously in a noisy fury.

Being able to say no to sex when you just don't want to is just how it bloody IS surely?

We have sex 1-2 times per week, work a 60hr week (both of us) and have children aged 2 & 5.

BTW He only wants sex if we both shower, I put new full make-up on and sexy underwear, high heels, scent etc.

I just can't be bothered tonight.

How do I handle the big strop hmm ?

Midwife99 Sun 10-Feb-13 14:04:24

If he doesn't fancy you in your crusty old pyjamas, no make up & hair just one day too long unwashed then tough!! You're not a performer for his pleasure - you're a real person. What about a morning fumble with morning mouth & sweaty armpits once in a while?!! Silly man!

JumpingJackSprat Sun 10-Feb-13 13:49:20

im also wondering what your husband would do if you came onto him before you got all dressed up - would he turn you down? i can understand the shower thing - i had an ex who was not very fastiduous with personal hygiene and it puts me off if DP hasnt had a shower for a day or so but i wouldnt insist on it. whats your husband doing for the hour youre getting ready? if he is sitting down relaxing id be majorly pissed off.youre not a blow up doll to dress up into his fantasy everytime!

pumpkinsweetie Sun 10-Feb-13 13:16:07

Jeez! You have to prep each & everytime you have sex??? Fuck that for a joke, no wonder you cba.
Bit ott for him to expect all that.
Do you ever have spontanious sex?

SorryMyLollipop Sun 10-Feb-13 13:04:31

I think OP was hoping for a chorus of "My DH does exactly the same! Silly widdle men! Have you tried ... shoving a hot poker up his arse ...?"


Lueji Sun 10-Feb-13 11:15:41

I just wonder how the conversation went today.

anonacfr Sun 10-Feb-13 10:24:04

What about before you had children? Has your sex life been the same from the time you met?
You've never had spontaneous spur of the moment sex ever?

Sorry for all the questions but I am just puzzled by the prep aspect of it all.

SorryMyLollipop Sun 10-Feb-13 09:02:33

OP, this is not ok, seriously. We will s here when you are ready to accept that.

Bunnyjo Sun 10-Feb-13 00:35:29

Jesus, I rarely swear... But fucking hell! OP, I don't know what you wanted from this thread - I can tell you that is is completely reasonable to say no to sex because you cannot be bothered/feel tired/ just don't actually want it. That I, with demanding study, a 5yr old and 20mth old (that wakes hourly), can understand how tired you must feel. I can also tell your DH's demands are completely unreasonable and his behaviour and sense of entitlement is NOT normal.

Honestly, my and DH's sex life is surviving on quickies and snatched moments. That's almost to be expected when both partners work/study full-time and have 2 kids under the age of 5. My DH would be celibate and I'd tear him a new arsehole before literally LTB if he made such ridiculous demands on our sex life.

Sadly, I think tonight is the least of your problems. I can also imagine the strength of shock from other people is difficult to take on board, so you will be naturally defensive. I hope you can take some good from this thread, even if it is a little overwhelming at the moment.

MmeLindor Sun 10-Feb-13 00:25:13

Ok the shower thing isn't that odd. I prefer to have a quick shower if possible before sex.

Insisting on a shower, full make up and getting all gussied up, that is well odd.

What would happen if you were to jump him before the showers? And if you resist his sulks tonight does he carry in pressuring you tomorrow?

Your response to him tomorrow has to be that you'd be more likely to want sex if it wasn't scheduled like a Swiss train journey

BluelightsAndSirens Sat 09-Feb-13 23:48:59


AThingInYourLife Sat 09-Feb-13 23:31:47

It isn't how they like to have sex together.

It is what he demands and she does for him.

It's fucking horrible.

She has to have coerced sex every for days and spend 2 hours doing it to his precise specifications.

Jesus Christ.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Sat 09-Feb-13 23:15:40

I really don't think so Kalid. She sound far too sensible, tired and pissed off for that - and who could blame her?? Except for her twunt of an H who will spend tomorrow trying to tell her that HER libido is the issue here. Git.

kalidanger Sat 09-Feb-13 23:12:28

I don't think so clam - her H is fast asleep! Mind you, with a bit of luck the OP is too as her kids don't sleep through.

Or maybe she's just sticking on her second set of eyelashes?

kalidanger Sat 09-Feb-13 23:11:09

I guess if that's how this couple like to have sex together and they're both cool with it then that's cool. It's their intimate business, after all.

Sulking is shitty though. and presumably not part of their understanding, which is why the OP posted.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Sat 09-Feb-13 23:09:22

I don't think so clam - her H is fast asleep! Mind you, with a bit of luck the OP is too as her kids don't sleep through.

AThingInYourLife Sat 09-Feb-13 23:09:08

"It doesn't sound as if you mind the getting ready and preparing and then the hour long sessions, just the sulking if you say no."

They are all just aspects of the same controlling, abusive, domineering, dysfunctional weirdness.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Sat 09-Feb-13 23:07:25

I honestly don't know how or why you put up with this?

There's no way I could fancy someone who thought I should act like some dress up doll or hooker every single time we had sex.

Apart from the fact that I could not be arsed doing all that crap more than once in a blue moon when I felt like it (I don't wear heals, stockings and a full face of make up to go out, let alone go to bed!) I couldn't be with someone who only wanted to have sex with me if I was that dolled up! Nor with someone who couldn't be spontaneous. It's weird, he has issues and HE needs to get them sorted out, probably with the help of a professional! (LOL a therapist not that kind of professional!!)

clam Sat 09-Feb-13 23:01:56

What happened with regard to the 4 day deadline when you had a newborn in the house?

I'm wondering if we'll have to wait 2 hours for any more responses.

Chandon Sat 09-Feb-13 22:56:05

Is this serious?

frustratedworkingmum Sat 09-Feb-13 22:46:35

Wow - nothing like being told you have to put make up on before your husband will have sex with you to make you feel like a sex goddess hmm He can fuck the fuck right off!!

flippingflup Sat 09-Feb-13 22:45:00

Seriously op, sympathy. How long have you suspected/known this isn't ok? Have you got a friend/family member you can talk to tomorrow?

Helltotheno Sat 09-Feb-13 22:44:55

Anyone who can't accept me the way I am can fuck off, frankly!

Hear hear!

I'm telling you OP, the years will pass, you'll have more kids (maybe) and this shtick will get old. Lay it out for him or leave, that's my view.
Man I would hate to be shackled to a twunt like this, you have my deepest sympathy....

Looksgoodingravy Sat 09-Feb-13 22:43:39

It doesn't sound as if you mind the getting ready and preparing and then the hour long sessions, just the sulking if you say no.

The problem is those nights when you're less 'up for it' could be a 'quickie' night instead but your dh doesn't do 'quickies' so he's only got himself to blame when he gets the brush off.

Did you have this routine before kids?

MerryCouthyMows Sat 09-Feb-13 22:38:40

You 'have' to have sex every fourth day? WTF? How controlling is this man?!

I would tell him that he wouldn't be getting sex ever again if he sulked over not getting any for a whole four days, or if he wasn't attracted to me as I am.

Anyone who can't accept me the way I am can fuck off, frankly!

Bobbybird40 Sat 09-Feb-13 22:25:15

oP does it happen at specific times twice a week? And, if so, how long after the sex deadline does sulky pants start getting bagged off? Does he have a chart?

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