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how to deal with DP's anger issues? long sorry!

(51 Posts)
DreamingOfGreen Fri 08-Feb-13 11:03:05

this might turn out to be a long one! i don't really know where to start. last night myself and DP had a minor disagreement about planning for our future, we are currently unhappy living where we are and we both have different ideas of where we want to live. this in itself is not the issue. this issue is the way he reacts whenever something bothers him. what started as a minor thing ended with him leaving the room while i was speaking to to him as he said he could feel tension building so he left the room. then when he came back in, i tried speaking to him again about it and he shouted, very loudly, in my face 'shut your fucking mouth!' i can't even remember what i said to make him react like that. he then apologised and said he was getting angry and irate.

this is by no means the first time this has happened, he is bipolar and he has been much worse than this, he sometimes shouts and throws things around the room and smashes stuff. he has never directed this anger towards me or DD (13 months) but i do have serious issues with it, obviously. it is sometimes triggered by DD's crying if i'm trying to deal with her having a hissy fit about something he will sometimes shout 'shut that fucking child up' and he will look like he is about to punch something. he is a big guy and before DD was born he was never ever aggressive in this manner. he has found fatherhood rather difficult to settle in to (DD was not planned) and he seems to blame all his anger issues on DD's crying/behaviour etc. i try and explain that it is not DD's fault, it is his inability to deal with her that is the problem. it really bothers me that DD has seen him be aggressive and she is sometimes visibly scared of him.

after our little row last night i found that he left open a page on the net which was entitled 'when to end a relationship'. he speaks often of the fact that he thinks i don't like him as much anymore (not true, the only issue i have is the anger) and he feels like the relationship isn't working. however, as he is bipolar, one minute he is feeling like its great, then the next he thinks its awful and going to end.

i don't know what to do anymore, the more he has these angry outbursts the more i feel like i will have no choice but to end the relationship. i want him to get help, he always says he will but never follows through. i really don't understand bipolar issues and think he is just being ridiculous a lot of the time. maybe i need to work on this but i am at my wits end. please help!!

AnyFucker Sat 09-Feb-13 20:32:03

I am appalled you would stay with a man that you acknowledge is visibly frightening your tiny daughter

It takes a lot for one so young to be demonstrating outward signs of fear of her father

Things are only going to get worse, and I worry you are not protecting the most precious things in your life

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