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I carnt take this shit anymore..... i just carnt...

(55 Posts)
MySonIsMyWorld Thu 07-Feb-13 22:39:31

Hi All,
my relationship with "DP" is over, i carnt take the shit anymore. I just carnt do it. Since my ds was born dp has walked in and out on diffrent occasions but recently he hasnt done it, anyway, ds woke up poorly last wednesday early hours and he had peed out of his nappy so needing changing and by the time i had changed him and settled him he was wide awake, dp was going on about how he had to get up for work in x amount of time moan moan moan anyway ds was jumping on bed at this point 4.30am and he fell onto dp head so he pushed him quite aggresivly off him onto me and we ended up headbutting ds thought it was a game but it really did hurt me, DS is 21 months can i just add anyway i stayed calm and just told him to get up for work and go to work, he ended up hitting me with his trousers which hit our ds too he then started saying i was a fucking cunt, fucking prick, fucking whore blah blah blah etc etc so instead of retaliating (sorry for spelling) i was laughing with ds going silly daddy silly daddy so ds couldnt hear his dad calling his mum a fucking cunt, anyway, ended up with dp punching through our tv in ourbedroom while son was sat in our bed, then he said to me "your not laughing now are you". I told him to get out took his key off him and calmly locked the door and went back to bed with my ds didnt hear from him untill saturday morning - not a whimper, i was very very happy actually. In the meantime id bagged all his stuff up and put it out back for him to collect (if he did, the other times he walked out he just went out with is £1600 wage and brought all new stuff) and id put the tv out back too so when i saw it i could remember why i didnt need this twat head in my life no more but whenever my ds saw it he would say "daddy bang bang!" and point at tv so moved it in the end so ds couldnt see it - anyway.....
Saturday morning he knocks on the door i tell him i dont want to talk to him and i dont care, he says please, i let him in to talk, he gives me all the tears how much he thought about me and ds how much he loves us etc etc how he has no where to stay how he will go to the doctors about his anger blah blah refuses to leave, i give up and go to my grans house, when i get back home he has literaly done nothing but sit and watch tv (So much for change) and ds is asleep in my arms he starts an argument, telling me my parenting skills are crapp, i dont look affter ds because ds doesnt get disiplined by me etc etc how i dont want him here blah blah i told him that it will not work i want him to leave i carnt do it all again, he says did i mean it that it was over i said yes he slams my front door into my pram (lucky ds wasnt in it!) and tells me "how it fucking breaks" which wakes my poor ds up so i ring the police.

Next minute he is at my neighbours who i share a yard with, her backdoor backs onto my back door stood outside my back door with my neighbour smoking looking straight through my window!!!! He begs me to let me stay because its raning and he has no where to go blah blah blah i say he can stay on ds bedroom floor as ds doesnt sleep in his cot yet (still in our bed) anyway he at work the next two days, things are ok, we get on much more when he at work , on the 3rd day he is off and he is stropping around the house, swearing, not doing anything, back to his usual self anyway today i told him to go out for abit at 3pm to get out my hair for abit, he comes in at 7pm stinking of booze wakes our ds up who i was trying to settle to sleep and tells me he been sat in the pub with his mate all evening while i been looking after our ds so ive told him to go, i carnt do all this shit anymore i carnt be mentally abused i carnt have him telling me everything i do is wrong or shit anymore i carnt do it...the problem i have now is i have £288 a month spare for food, clothes, petrol, car matience, everything and i dont know how im going to do it! :'(

PS...Not actually sad that ive left my dp....feel free....feel happy!!!! more pissed off with the fact he has £1600 a month for himself for a job I GOT HIM!!!" ugh.

HollyBerryBush Thu 07-Feb-13 22:43:41

Well if you are sure you arent going to keep pitying him and letting him back in to talk or because its raining etc, I suggest you get yourself either down to the benefits centre or the job centre, closely followed by a call to the CSA.

PootlePosyPerkin Thu 07-Feb-13 22:44:55

Hi. Firstly, I'm sorry you are going through a rough time.

Secondly, your "D"P does not (or will not) have £1600 a month for himself. He will have to financially support his son.

It sounds like you know that you have made the right decision. I could not stay with a 'man' who used violence as a default setting either.

LineRunner Thu 07-Feb-13 22:47:17

What did the Police do?

Agree you should bin him, and visit your nearest advice centre, CAB or similar, and call the CSA.

izzyizin Thu 07-Feb-13 22:47:27

Has he gone?

If so, what are you going to do next time he turns in the rain spouting crocodile tears and begging for somewhere to sleep and promising to change?

If not, nothing's changed, has it?

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 07-Feb-13 22:51:56

Thanks all, ive sorted my benefits just waiting to sort CSA how much is it?? and if he pays CSA do he have a right to see ds because i dont want my ds around that man any longer...

I carnt let him in again, i feel stressed just having him in the house, i carnt do it....

Police did nothing really recoreded it, DP has been violent to me in the past actually picked me up and dropped me on my head got social services involved which is another reason I HATE THIS MAN! Social services closed the case with me and my ds very very quickly andkept the case focused on a good mum.... my ds is so loved i need to keep this man away!

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 07-Feb-13 22:58:02

and doesnt csa effect your benefits ?

CharlotteCollinsislost Thu 07-Feb-13 22:58:03

CSA maintenance calculator

Council tax is less if he's not there, too.

Totally agree that you shouldn't let him back in the house again.

pictish Thu 07-Feb-13 22:58:15

Yes yes you do. You absolutely do need to keep this man away!

You're doing great. xxx

CharlotteCollinsislost Thu 07-Feb-13 22:58:58

And no, I believe maintenance is not taken into account in benefits calculations.

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 07-Feb-13 23:00:05

Ok so il get £220 roughly from csa.....but does it effect benefits?

LineRunner Thu 07-Feb-13 23:00:10

CSA is separate from contact.

Dryjuice25 Thu 07-Feb-13 23:00:56

You are right to let him go. He can still be a father to your ds.You sound in distress, are you ok op?

He should not be allowed to get away with this apalling behaviour for much longer nomatter how much he is earning. FWIW, he is the bad parent for violence in front of your son. Utterly vile creature he is

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 07-Feb-13 23:02:07

sorry only just read the last post

I hope so, ugh im going to struggle my ass off!

I hate that man for doing this to me.....why are men horrible?!?!

CharlotteCollinsislost Thu 07-Feb-13 23:03:36

Not all men are, OP, but this specimen is a particularly vile one...

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 07-Feb-13 23:04:10

I know some people would say i would be using ds as a weapon but not letting dp see him but i really dont think dp would try that hard to see him anyway - the last times he has gone he never even asked about him!!! Dp never looks after ds - never, and when i have left dp with ds in the past ive always come back to chaos and hyperactive little boy who has been stuck in front of tv with crisps all day.....

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 07-Feb-13 23:04:39

i agree CharlotteCollinsislost.............i agree......

PootlePosyPerkin Thu 07-Feb-13 23:04:50

I don't know if CSA alters the amount of benefits you can claim, sorry. Still, I wouldn't let that put you off applying to the CSA - your DS is his DS too & he has to pay towards his life. Your ex-P sounds like a complete twat, hope you & your son are OK.

aPseudonymToFoolHim Thu 07-Feb-13 23:05:17

No, csa does not affect benefits.
Stay strong and keep this loser out of your house, no good will come of it.

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 07-Feb-13 23:08:17

In the 3 years we have been together no good has ever come of it but i think having a baby then all the emotional of him walking ground me down but now its time to get my back bone back
Thank you all for your kind messages your so lovley x

CharlotteCollinsislost Thu 07-Feb-13 23:13:12

Just don't let him appeal to your kind nature to weasel his way back in.

Getting wet in the rain? - Plenty of shops/pubs/bus shelters/trees around.

Promising change? - That's lovely and you hope it means he's happier with his next partner...

cjel Thu 07-Feb-13 23:17:56

Hope you can learn to be a happy mum. you sound strong hope you keep it up. Hugsxx

Damash12 Fri 08-Feb-13 02:40:00

I really hope you don't ever get back with this cruel, horrible man. Your son doesn't ever need to hear or see the things you have listed on here. Personally, I would only allow access through a supervised contact centre. Don't ever feel sorry for him again, it will never change. Your son needs you happy, healthy and well for his sake and he'll always love you more for putting him first in years to come.

MySonIsMyWorld Sun 10-Feb-13 13:00:12

thanks for all your messages your all so kind..... not had him back or seen him, he knocked on door yesterday and when i said yeah he just said it doesnt matter and walked off....fuck him

springyhopes Sun 10-Feb-13 15:13:27

What a pathetic excuse for a human being. Dump him forthwith - never speak to him or have anything to do with him. Nothing is worth having someone like this in your life - or, more importantly, your son's life. Plenty of women have managed on their own (me included) and you will manage. There will be adjustments but you will get there.

re CSA - if he is paying he may start using your boy to give you the runaround. I know this isn't very popular, but having been given the run around by my children's father, I wish I could wind the clock back and cut all contact for good, including financial. It would have been hard but nothing like as hard as the years of hell we had because of him.

If you insist on going the CSA route you will be linked to him for good and he starts using contact with your son to make things difficult for you, beg him to see his son (ie ask him for the opposite of what you want). That way you can be sure he will defy you and you will get what you want - him out of your lives. It's a risky strategy but you might bear it in mind.

I'm not sure why SS signed you off - what was that about?

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