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decree nisi being read in court tomorrow, ex plans to attend & defend

(33 Posts)
sparklesunshine Thu 07-Feb-13 20:31:07

I filed for unreasonable behaviour, he acknowledged service but did not file a response within the timescale required so it got put before the judge without him. Judge agreed my grounds were enough and plans to read it out tomorrow as undefended. If my ex turns up (as he plans to) to argue against it, will it still go ahead? Do I absolutely have to attend? If I do, what do I need to bring with me?

Dryjuice25 Thu 07-Feb-13 21:49:56


lemonstartree Thu 07-Feb-13 21:54:06

why on earth does he want to 'defend' this ? The very fact that you have filed for divorce says that the relationship is OVER. Is he arguing about the 'reasons' ? assuming it's UB ?

sparklesunshine Thu 07-Feb-13 21:55:36

Thanks. I put it in legal as well, just thought relationships would have more traffic! seems he's almost the only idiot who would let it get to this stage.

lemonstartree Thu 07-Feb-13 21:58:57

certainly when i filed for divorce my sol said its very very rare for it t be defended. I think XH might have wanted too , but his sol said not worth it. I THINK that's because if the relationship is dead, its dead. The only time defending it MIGHT be worthwhile is if you are being unjustly accused of adultery? ( IANAL )

Lueji Thu 07-Feb-13 22:05:01

Sounds like my ex.
We actually went to court with witnesses and then he agreed to divorcing because the judge would give the divorce anyway.


sparklesunshine Thu 07-Feb-13 22:07:23

lueji - how long did your process take and what was involved?

lots and lots of names i feel like calling him at this moment. he's litigant in person or this would not be happening.

sparklesunshine Thu 07-Feb-13 22:08:58

he disagrees with all but one of my unreasonable behaviours (adultery not included), but didn't cross petition nor offer alternatives. i really really don't care what's put down in the file as long as it happens.

Lueji Thu 07-Feb-13 22:16:46

It's a different country and system, but just saying that some men are like that.

In my case it took over 1 year from filing to the court audience, with an "attempt at reconciliation" audience in the middle.
But the law here means no "guilt" has to be proven, just that I had good reason not to want to be married anymore.

Hopefully all will be ok for you and your ex will only waste his time. Just try not to show you're affected by it.

izzyizin Thu 07-Feb-13 22:16:54

Your stbxh was served with your petition which he acknowledged and was given time to file a defence.

Unless he can provide evidence by way of hospital/doctor's certificate or similar to show he was physically indisposed/unable to respond within the time allowed, it's unlikely the Court will grant him leave to file a defence at this late stage.

If it's his intention to 'argue the case' tomorrow, he's likely to be sorely disappointed because the most he can hope for is a couple of weeks' grace to file a defence.

You'd be surprised how many idiots let it get to this stage and how many bluff and bluster that they're going turn up, argue this, get that, etc, none of which comes to pass.

There's no need for you to appear tomorrow. If he's granted any additonal time you'll be notified by the Court - or you could give the Clerk's Office a call late tomorrow afternoon to find out if your nisi has been decreed.

sparklesunshine Thu 07-Feb-13 22:38:40

you would make me very happy if this is the case izzyizin.

he did respond to the petition, late but well before this decision was made (i got notice of the decision 3 months after my petition, 2 months after his deadline). would he get another chance?

sparklesunshine Thu 07-Feb-13 22:39:04

oops - and about one month after he did reply.

izzyizin Thu 07-Feb-13 22:52:44

It tends to depend on the Judge and whether they've consumed a very good breakfast or are suffering from indigestion but most are well versed in the art of debunking deflecting vexatious litigants, especially when they appear in person expecting to win the day smile

izzyizin Thu 07-Feb-13 23:03:42

He hasn't just had due time to file a defence, knowing that he hadn't done so within the time allowed he's also had ample time to notify the Court if he is/was in need of additonal time to file well before tomorrow's date, iyswim.

Overall, I doubt that the Court will look kindly on him but I suspect he'll bottle it and not turn up.

izzyizin Thu 07-Feb-13 23:12:39

Tomorrow's proceedngs are by way of being a formality in that your case will be one of many where decree nisis will be rubber stamped pronounced and, as due process of law has been observed, there's no reason why he, or any of the other Respondents to the numerous Petitions due to be put before the Court tomorrow, should be granted extra time to file a defence at this late stage.

izzyizin Thu 07-Feb-13 23:48:21

I hope you'll be back with an update soon - I'll have a wine waiting for you smile

sparklesunshine Fri 08-Feb-13 07:16:45

i will let you know, and look forward to that wine

sparklesunshine Fri 08-Feb-13 12:59:42

no luck, the judge now requires us to 'agree' the grounds and resubmit the petition. how on earth do i get that to happen?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Fri 08-Feb-13 13:22:34

Could you agree for him to divorce you instead? On some trumped up grounds of unreasonable behaviour perhaps. Or adultery if you've moved on and had a relationship with someone else since. As long as you agree to it it'll go through.

Failing that you'll have to wait for 2 years separation I suppose. That's assuming he'll agree to it in 2 years time.

Did he show up in court this morning?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Fri 08-Feb-13 13:24:07

Or would he agree to you divorcing him for adultery.

It's silly him playing games like this. In the end, it's just costing money.

izzyizin Fri 08-Feb-13 13:25:46

Aw, shit. Is this what you've been told by the Clerk's Office? It seems the Judge has erred on the side of caution and doesn't want to see a defended Petition in his Courtroom.

How long have you been separated? Is this a DIY divorce or have you had a solicitor acting for you?

Is your h opposed to divorce, or is he opposed to you divorcing him on the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour? Is there any room for negotiation - i.e some cosmetic or minor alteration to the wording on your Petition that may make the pill easier for your h to swallow?

I expect he's crowing like a rooster now. Twat!

jayho Fri 08-Feb-13 13:26:46

What Izzy said with an added twunt!

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Fri 08-Feb-13 13:30:17

This is exactly what my ex will do, I know it. I might just wait for 2 years and go for the separation. Weighing it all up, it's just not worth the stress.

sparklesunshine Fri 08-Feb-13 13:44:19

yep, bet he's feeling increadibly proud of himself. I sent an email asking flat out what grounds he would accept... we'll see what he comes up with. I really don't care what it says as long as it goes forward.

2 years moved out separation would be July. He's not clear that he believes the marriage has broken down.. so I don't trust that he would agree.

he turned up, late. smile i'm just so frustrated that he gets all this latitude as he's a litigant in person but i'm the one who need to pay and get frustrated with the results. i assume it will happen eventually.

sparklesunshine Fri 08-Feb-13 13:45:45

on the good news side, the judge was very clear he would have a costs order. would this still be in play if he petitions me or if i file for 2 years separation?

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