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Has anyone, ever, managed to explain to a narcissist what a narcissist is ...and to accept that they are one?

(130 Posts)
ScarletWomanoftheVillage Thu 07-Feb-13 13:31:21

Trouble in my family is brewing again, and I am being called upon to help and advise my siblings and their partners about dealing with our npd mother.

I have had very low contact with my npd mother for many, many years now, can't remember if it is 12, or 13 years, but a good long time. I have posted on here before about this, spent much time on the Stately Homes thread, and am quite happy most of the time with the boundaries between me and my m.

But my siblings are still suffering and want my help. One has written to our mother to tell her what is wrong and how he would like to change things, and has asked for my comments on what he has written to her. I have explained as much as I can, about dis-engaging, FOG, etc. and the fact that it is pointless to explain things as she won't see it in the same way. But, he doesn't want to cut her off. He wants things to change.

I feel sad that he is going to be very upset when she responds in a hideous way to what he has written, as she invariably will. I feel sad that I can't think of a way of him changing things without getting done over by her. He is and tries to be a loving son and is bewildered by how nasty she can be. He puts so much effort in, to no avail.

I just want to know, from anyone who has good knowledge on this subject <waits for Attilla and others> if there has ever been a narcissist who knows they are one, and whether if so, there is anything such a person can do to get help to be less of one IYSWIM?

Or does the very nature of narcissism mean that there is no way such a person could be made to recognise the disorder in themselves?

Any help would be much appreciated.


ScarletWomanoftheVillage Thu 14-Feb-13 00:19:01

Bloody hell! These narcissists just wreck everything don't they? I am many years down the line with mine, but it has not been easy. Mine also does lots of talking about family members in a judgmental and derogatory and fantastical way, to other family members. Tries to divide everyone, set them against each other. Luckily my brothers and I don't fall out over it, but she especially tries to cause trouble with their wives and get one of them to discuss the other etc. total nightmare!

ScarletWomanoftheVillage Thu 14-Feb-13 00:19:54

Meant many years minimal contact

Dothraki Thu 14-Feb-13 00:54:26

Thanks Scarlet - thats what she does - but I wont do her bidding. It was" I hate X" (this was before I understood what was going on) - did she want me to cause trouble between x and y ? Sadly we didnt challenge the earliest remarks, or the next few years...... I just wish I'd been aware earlier - but realistically nothing would be different, I am convinced this has gone on for many, many years, all the remarks about what a wonderful person,mother (heaven forbid) and its only us that seem to be hurting, I feel so sorry for her children but there is nothing I can do about that. Then the reality hits home, evil stinky bitch - now I need to concentrate on my sanity. I've had toput up with shit like we all do in life - but nothing compares to this - malicious immature vile bollocks.

ScarletWomanoftheVillage Thu 14-Feb-13 09:17:32

Are you my sister in law dothraki? grin

Dothraki Thu 14-Feb-13 09:25:44

Ha - sadly no - as we could join forces grin

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