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A miserable day

(22 Posts)
IndiansInTheLobby Tue 05-Feb-13 14:11:11

I felt like I was doing alright with ex ending our relationship. Been working, planning and sorting new life and even sometimes having a laugh occasionally. However after today it would appear that I'm not doing aswell as I had hoped sad.

Took ds to play with friends this morning and felt utterly separate and distant from everything around me. Eyes welled up randomly and just knew I had to get out of there. Ds is being really clingy-to be expected I know- which I am finding hard today. I'm a practical person and hate feeling like this! I don't really know why I'm posting. Just a hard day I guess.

Dryjuice25 Tue 05-Feb-13 14:18:44

Hi. Didn't want to read and run. But trust me it will get better with time. You sound like you're doing well most times.

Keeping busy/occupied is good. You're in the right track. Of course you will think of ex sometimes and reflect on what could have been and feel sad about it. It's part of the process of moving on. It will get easier with time. Keep doing what you're doing. You sounds like a great mum too. Good luck

IndiansInTheLobby Tue 05-Feb-13 14:38:18

Thanks for replying. It sounds awful but I think it's being around happy people talking about normal I used to. My life is just bloody difficult now and I feel alone. Stupid as I am lucky to have lots of people who love me around ds and I. I can feel myself withdrawing a bit

ihatethecold Tue 05-Feb-13 14:42:48

When I had my heart broken quite along time ago.
I knew I want feeling good at all. Really tearful. I decided that I would give myself time to feel sad.
I said to myself that in 6 months I would be ok.
I know for some people that's maybe too long.
But when I got to 6 months. I knew I felt better than 6 months previous.

That may not help you today but its ok to be sad.
I kind off feel sad for you as I remember how I felt back then.
My friends have always helped me through hard times. I'm
Sure they will understand and want to support you.

IndiansInTheLobby Tue 05-Feb-13 15:19:11

That's good advice. Thank you. I think you're right and I'll give myself a time to work towards. Starting again from scratch is hard and it's totally stressing me out so it's no surprise I feel like this. Being miserable is totally draining!

ihatethecold Wed 06-Feb-13 14:11:05

How are you today?
Any better than yesterday? smile

IndiansInTheLobby Wed 06-Feb-13 19:30:26

I feel rubbish. Been at work today and kind of got on with it. I'm going on holiday to visit my sister with my son for half term. Hoping that getting away will help. Thank you for asking thanks

ImperialBlether Wed 06-Feb-13 19:51:06

I'm so sorry for you. I think you should treat it as though you're recovering from an illness. As ihatethecold says, give yourself six months to recover. In that time, treat yourself and your child gently. Try to do something each day that you enjoy, whether it's reading a new book or playing a song you love or phoning a friend, and do things that your child will enjoy too. Stay physically close to your son; one of the hardest things in a break up is to lose physical closeness. Things will get better and it's always so much worse if the break up wasn't your idea.

IndiansInTheLobby Wed 06-Feb-13 21:18:57

You're right regarding the closeness thing. Ds is currently sleeping with me as staying at my parents and tbh i'm happy with that. Feeling his warm little body and waking up to his gorgeous smile makes everything a little easier to cope with.

Thursday is the day that ex sees him as he isn't working. My dad drops off as I'm working. So far I have cried every Thursday at the thought of ex having him as I know ds would rather be with his grandparents. He is only a baby and at the moment couldn't care less about seeing his dad. It feels like I am allowing him to be left somewhere that he isn't familiar in order to keep that bastard happy. Compromising over ds is so much harder than I ever thought that it would be.

ihatethecold Wed 06-Feb-13 21:42:31

But it's so important in the long term.
If you can stay amicable it will be easier for you son as he grows older.
It's hard for you I know but it can be a lot harder in the long term if things become difficult between you and your ex.
Where are you going on holiday?
Somewhere hot. envy

Skyebluesapphire Wed 06-Feb-13 21:53:03

Hi there. i was on your original threads. I understand how you feel. It's the sight if everyone else leading their "normal" lives when yours has been turned upside down. I used to put on a brave face but inside I was falling apart.

It does get easier. I go out nowadays and I'm used to it being just me and DD now.

I hate it when she's with her dad as I miss her but there's nothing I can do about that. Just try not to think about it, keep yourself busy at work.

IndiansInTheLobby Thu 07-Feb-13 06:50:28

Hi Sky <<waves>>
I'm going to Italy smile. My sister lives there so seemed like a good escape plan.

I do understand that it is the right thing to do and it's best in the long term but it feels so wrong. Up until now everybody has said to 'go with your instincts ' regarding bringing up ds however now I am doing the complete opposite. Ex dp is proving irresponsible which isn't helping. I would feel better if I felt like he was being well cared for when he was there but I think he plays with his toys whilst ex flicks through the TV. When ds was smaller he fell down 1/4 of the stairs under ex's care. Luckily there was a pile of washing at the bottom so he landed softly. I had been unloading the car and ex was 'watching' him. He wasn't-he was watching the television. Excuses and apologies were made at the time but now I can't get the image out of my head. sad

Skyebluesapphire Thu 07-Feb-13 10:37:11

If I start getting down about things, I start thinking of my holiday in May (Cornwall) and it gives me something to look forward to with DD.

I worry too about XH having DD as he spends so much time on his phone texting OW that he is not concentrating on DD and what she is up to.

IndiansInTheLobby Thu 07-Feb-13 19:45:23

Ex has so far given me zero money. I have asked but he has ignored my requests. Do I just plod along until he does?

Cornwall sounds nice. Is it just the two of you going? I feel like it's ds and I against the world now.

Skyebluesapphire Thu 07-Feb-13 19:57:45

If he hasn't given you any money, then you need to get the CSA onto him. Is he working? The CSA will calculate the amount of money that he should pay to you.

yes, Cornwall should be just me and DD, we went to the same place in October last year. My mum might come for a couple of days, but don't know yet.

IndiansInTheLobby Thu 07-Feb-13 20:07:15

Yes he works. The calculator came out at about £250 a month. I have told him this. I've only heard nightmare things about CSA so hoping if I talk to him next week I'll be able to sort it out. Tbh though it seems to suddenly be one let down after another. None of his family have bothered to get in touch regarding ds either sad

IndiansInTheLobby Thu 07-Feb-13 20:09:58

Your little girl is gorgeous by the way. Just had a nosy on your profile.

ihatethecold Thu 07-Feb-13 20:17:57

What part of Italy.
You lucky thing. I love it there.

IndiansInTheLobby Thu 07-Feb-13 20:24:41

Rome! My sister lives right in the middle with her dh and my dn. I've never flown with ds so crossing my fingers it's ok.

Skyebluesapphire Thu 07-Feb-13 20:32:07

Thanks. She is gorgeous and I will never ever understand how he can leave her, or forgive him for leaving her. Another week has passed with no contact. It seems to be very much out of sight out of mind now.... She is the light of my life.

Rome sounds lovely. I have been to Italy once, but that was on a school skiing trip. Somewhere high in the mountains above Lake Como...

Please do contact the CSA, because you are entitled to maintenance for your child and it doesnt affect the tax credits that you get. If he won't pay voluntarily, then he leaves you no choice but to involve them.

ihatethecold Thu 07-Feb-13 21:08:51

I bloody love Rome envy

Ive been twice and will return again someday.
It's so beautiful.
You will be fine on the flight. It's not too long. smile

IndiansInTheLobby Thu 07-Feb-13 21:38:16

I'm looking forward to it I must say. As soon as all this happened my parents decided to send us on a break there. Bless their hearts they have been so amazing throughout all this. I don't think I would have coped without them.

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