Hi everyone
I hope its ok to post on this board. I'm not sure if its a relationship issue or not, because he's an 'ex', but he scares the crap put of me, so maybe it is...
In a nutshell he is taking me to court to change the access arrangements for our dd. Rather than just 'talk' about it like normal people, he sent me a quick text asking me to agree to quite a huge change in the arrangements. Whilst I didnt say no straight out, I expressed concerns and said it would need proper discussion. Cue a court summons landing on my doormat two weeks later. This is exactly how he operates - do as I say or you will regret it.
The court appplication was horrifc to read - basically said I was a crap mother, how he is deeply concerned about my care of her etc. I was devestated to read it, but not surprised because this is what he has doen ever since we split when she was a baby. In an effort to get his own way at court, he decided he needed to use the most adversarial methods avaibale to him - and that is to paint me as a selfish mother, who puts our dd second and that he has had 'no choice' but to apply to the court to limit the risk to our dd (his actual words). Incidentally cafcass have taken themselves off the case as they said there is no concerns from their side. I am furious though that he gets to write all that down and no one, absolutely no one is going to call him on it. I just didnt think the courts would tolerate stuff like that, but I was obviously wrong.
I have to attend the first session this week and I literally cannot sleep. He ties me up in knots, talks over me, says the most crushing things. Heres the crux though - he is calm, collected, smiley, plausiblea and never raises his voice. He wont name call, insult me directly or lose his temper, yet the things he says have the ability to destroy me. He has always affected me in this way and I dont know how to not care. He will be able to convince me in this session that I fall short of his expectations as a parent, and the manner in which he does it will be quitely menacing.
I think he is mentally abusive. In the time we were together he played so many mind games with me, and ruined my confidence. I'm fine now - except I still go to pieces when I'm around him. I knwo mediation wont work - I am crystal clear on that and this is a hoop we are being made to jump through. He cant wait for it to get to final hearing so that I am 'dealt with' ( his words). Is there a way for me to get through these sessions with minimal damage to myself? Can I 'pretend' in any way? How 'involved' will I have to be? Sorry in advance if I'm not explaining myself very well - I just dont want to be a mess and for it all to be for nothing anyway;/
Thank you
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Relationships
pressured into mediation and I feel sick
slowlycatchymonkey · 05/02/2013 10:37
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