I don't know what to do

[Smurfneedshelp]

Hi, new to mums net and need some help.. My DP left me on Boxing Day saying he was not happy. We have been together for 14 years but only living together for 6 months. In 2011 I found out he cheated on me with someone from work, he maintained that it was just a mistake and that no sex happened at all. We worked through this and although I never got over it he moved in and I thought everything was great. I was a bit mistrusting when he suddenly arranged time out to see a friend especially when I was away from home or out quite rarely with a friend. Anyway after he left he was constantly texting me and like a fool I responded, it all seemed as though there was something still there. Week before last we started sex texting and like a mug we arranged for him to come over with sex at the forefront of our minds and secondly to talk if there was still a us... Moving forwards it was absolutely great but then contact became very sporadic. Thursday last week he called and said he didn't want a relationship with me and that maybe our night together was a mistake.. I have been in pieces since then and don't know how to move on and accept this. Rl friends have been great and say that I am worth more but how the hell does you heart accept that it is over. I am finding myself just waiting still for a text or something to cling too... Please help if you have been in this situation before, I don't know what to do ... Sorry it's long x

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

Cut contact with him. He is messing you about. I am very sorry.

[Bogeyface]

I agree, you need to cut him off totally.

He is using you when he fancies a shag and then dropping you when he has had what he wants.

The first step to moving on is to accept that he doesnt love you. No man who loved you or respected you would treat you like this. It sounds like you dont have children so you have no reason to keep in touch with him.

Block him on FB etc, change your number or block him on your phone and stay strong. Your friends are right you CAN do better than this piece of shit.

[Smurfneedshelp]

Thank you both, I know you are right. We don't have children or anything to bind us together just such good times and memories and plans we had in place. No money worries, both had houses, I have older kids from a previous marriage who he adored and they adored him. I am older than him and am now at that stage when I clearly start to start again but it is so hard...we really did love each other or so I thought. He says he still loves me but not as much as he did.. Yesterday i did text him to say about picking up a few bits he has left here, this was mentioned on the call on Thursday..nothing back. Found myself in tears at work today which I have not done since Xmas time.. How do you get your heart to accept it?

[Bogeyface]

Time is the only thing that will help I am afraid :(

[Smurfneedshelp]

Deep down I know..thank you...tell me not to text him to see if he received my message from yesterday.... I must be strong and accept it .. Fingers are itching but I know it will be wrong to do so... Letting go is hard

[VitoCorleone]

Basically he has lead you on by coming over for sex when he clearly has no plans to get back with you.

I would just cut all contact with him to be honest before he does this again to you.

[irrationalme]

He'll probably be back unfortunately, then you can tell him to fuck off and you will feel much better for it.

[Smurfneedshelp]

I don't think he will as this is the longest time we have gone without contact.... Trying to be strong and texting in real life to save texting him.. Just so sad but I am trying to realise that this is something that just happens in life... Why me though, I thought we had it in the bag

[Bogeyface]

You know he got your message dont you? He is just ignoring you because he got what he wanted.

Pack up his stuff and send it postage unpaid!

Remove his number from your phone, then you cant text him.

[irrationalme]

your heart goes through the pain barrier when you decide you won't be treated like shit anymore and raise your standards. I'm doing it right now.

[Smurfneedshelp]

He said he wanted to remain friends... But even friends don't do this do they... Ignoring the person you loved.... And it was such a non committing text about his stuff... Think I have just had a wake u call... Just need to keep this thought going..looking back I can't believe I responded to his texts the day after he left asking if I was ok...must admit we were both as bad as each other over the sex texting but now I know .. And thinking about it he said he didn't want to just be a bit of meat for me .... Wtf I have done nothing wrong in all this ... Thank you I am feeling a bi stronger now... My friend has started to call me l'oreal..Because I am worth it .....

[Walkacrossthesand]

Sympathies, smurf - there's no answer to the 'why me' question, and it's so hard when the only direction you can go in (ie apart) is the one you didn't want to. Your DP turns from the person closest to you, to the person you need to protect yourself from. Look after yourself - and don't text him!!

[dadwithbaby]

smurf its hard and tbh you will never know why so dont torture yourself. I know what its like hoping for some contact and the desperation you feel inside but in all reality we are kidding ourselves. YOU are worth more than this pathetic excuse of a man.. DELETE him from your life and move on ...easy to say i know but you have to may take time.. so get started :)

[WMDinthekitchen]

Smurf, this is awful for you but you can gain some control over the situation. I know its hard. Remaining friends is a euphemism for men like this - it means he will have sex with you and drop you at will. Remove him from your life completely. Ask for your door keys to be returned to you and if he does not comply then change the locks. Put his belongings in bags on your doorstep and ask him to remove them then delete his number from your phone, his email from your contacts and block him on Facebook if necessary.