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Is it best to "surprise" DH and come home with short hair?

(38 Posts)
Watfordsue Mon 04-Feb-13 14:06:43

Hi Girls, I am in a dilema about what to do about cutting my hair. Like most men DH likes it long but I am so desperate to cut it I am scared he will talk me out of it. I am very petite and I always had Pixie cuts till I was about 19 and then grew it as boys liked long hair. Since having DS1 six years ago I started wearing it simply all scraped back in a band permanently off my face, This was great and easy especially when DS2 and DD1 came along! When we manage to get out together I try to make the effort with the heated rollers and wear it loose and curly, DH thinks its sexy. When DD was two last year I felt I needed a job as after spending years with babies I was short of adult conversation and when DH came home it was always baby talk. I managed to get a perfect Part Time job in a local cafe, I absolutely LOVE it, I have gained confidence, got my slim figure back, I feel I am contributing to the family and most importantly I feel so much better about myself. The only problem with working in a cafe is the smell........I come home and stink of food all over me. I tend to shower every morning and again quickly when I get home but the problem is that I just don't have the time to wash my hair daily after work and it stinks of fried food all the time. Even though its scraped back I can smell it round my face and my bedding and pillows stink also. I feel going back to a simple Pixie cut would be perfect, 30 seconds blowing and I will feel great, the problem is DH, if I mention that I would like to cut my hair short, he will probably say how much he likes me long and I will feel guilty cutting it, the other option is to just have it done after work, he then comes home to a sassy new wife and I just surprise him. My friends are undecided on what is best to do, they also have husbands who like long hair! My Mum who went through the same thing with my Dad said it was 10 years before she finally cut hers, I can't put up with this that long. Mum came out with a good line and said, " You are nearly 30, a big mortgage and 3 kids, what can he do!!"

I would appreciate advice on what to do.......

I have posted this on two boards as I am unsure which is best.


JammySplodger Mon 04-Feb-13 14:12:29

If you want short hair, have short hair!

If he likes long hair so much, let him grow his own long.

badinage Mon 04-Feb-13 14:14:56

Well stop caring about 'what men like' and concentrate on what YOU like.

If you want to have your hair cut and you'd prefer it, just do it. You don't need to ask a man's permission. Your husband might have an opinion about what he prefers, but it's just that - an opinion. Suit yourself and not other people's ideas about how you should look.

Ever looked into feminism OP?

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou Mon 04-Feb-13 14:16:34

You can't pick your haircut based on someones else's preference. My DH likes long hair too, but not enough to grow his own. His is short, mine is microscopic. (think Sinead O'Conner).

HappyOrchid Mon 04-Feb-13 14:16:35

Just do it, make sure you have a hairdresser you have faith in and go for it. My DH once lay on the floor holding my legs to try and stop me getting my hair cut short, I had it in a bob in an effort to please everyone & it was awful.

I had my hair chopped really short about 18 monts ago and like you as I'm quite petite it looks better, styles easily and so many people have said it makes me look younger.

Lovingfreedom Mon 04-Feb-13 14:17:20

I'd say tell him that you are going to the hairdresser and that you're planning to get your hair cut short then he won't get a shock. It's your hair have it how you like. I just got my hair cut short at the weekend. I emailed my 'man' to tell him. He loves it but he loved it long too. I'm delighted because my ex used to give me a hard time whenever I went to the hairdresser.

foolonthehill Mon 04-Feb-13 14:17:37

You should not be worried about what he thinks of your haircut. If you want short hair cut it, he has a preference which is fine...but it is your hair and your time and your choice.

I have many preferences but none that I would expect anyone to take into serious consideration when making a personal choice. about themselves.

And if he makes a big deal over it than come back to MN and I am sure you will receive some suggestions for some short, pithy and witty replies that should enable him to see the error of his ways!

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 04-Feb-13 14:18:22

Agree with whomever said to have it cut the way you like it and not 'for the boys'.... hmm It's your hair.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Mon 04-Feb-13 14:29:21

My DH likes my hair long. He said so and is allowed an opinion.

I still cut my hair short because I really wanted it. I am the one wearing it, washing it, etc. I did tell him though. It would be strange to hide something away from my OH. If I could not discuss and do such things, I would be worried about our relationship. Same if he came back with tattoo or shaved head without mentioning it to me.

The only drawback of pixies is the cost of maintenant them. I used to trim my long hair myself. Impossible now!

Ragwort Mon 04-Feb-13 14:35:40

Just do it.

I once (foolishly) asked my DS what sort of clothes he would like me to wear, he pointed to mini skirts and tight tops hmm (I was late 40s and size 16 at the time !) - we have been married 25 years and I wear boot cut jeans and mum boots grin - do I care? No !

FWIW I don't particularly like the sort of clothes he wears but I am in love with him as a person and not a clothes horse, I think our society is shallow and obsessed with appearance (and I speak as someone who worked in the fashion industry !)

diddl Mon 04-Feb-13 14:38:13

If you want it short, cut it short.

Can I just ask though-why is it such a problem to wash it after work?

I have straight hair just past my shoulders & what I like most about it is that it takes no effort to look after.

Fairylea Mon 04-Feb-13 14:38:22

You see I think this is a difficult one because in principle I think it's your hair go for it. But if my dh suddenly came home with hair extensions for example I'd find it really hard to accept!

But of course I wouldn't leave him or anything stupid. Probably just wouldn't find it as sexy!

But yep your hair you go for it. He'll live.

diddl Mon 04-Feb-13 14:44:28

I´d probably tell him I was having it cut, though.

Just conversation, isn´t it??

As for the poster whose husband held her legs-dear God!!

Are you still with him??

scarletforya Mon 04-Feb-13 14:49:50

I don't like short hair on men and if DP came home with short hair, I would be disappointed and struggle to hide it. If he gave me notice I would be more prepared. So I wouldn't suprise him OP.

All people, male and female are hard wired to find certain things sexually attractive/unattractive. There is nothing wrong with that. It's just fact.

Helltotheno Mon 04-Feb-13 20:42:45

If OP tells her DH what she's about to do, he will succeed in talking her out of it so why should she?

Your hair, your choice OP. It wouldn't even occur to me to tell DH what I was doing with my hair unless I wanted a general opinion (and the opinion wouldn't change my mind anyway).

Sounds as if the short hair will suit you!

Shellington Mon 04-Feb-13 20:50:04

You say "I am going to the hairdressers later" as you would tell him any other part of your day/week.
Then go and get the cut you want.

I am envy I don't think I could carry off a pixie cut but it sounds very easy to keep and can look so nice.

As an aside, I have every intention of getting a small hip/rib tattoo in the next year or so - DH hates the idea. I care not a jot grin

sarahseashell Mon 04-Feb-13 20:51:08

why not just tell him beforehand and not let him talk her out of it confused

elfycat Mon 04-Feb-13 21:03:36

A few years ago DH and I made a deal on hair. I kept mine long and he NEVER grows facial hair (I've seen pics and he goes Grizzly-Adams in about 12 days).

Luckily I like my hair long, if I didn't I would get it cut to shoulder length, wax-lyrical about the advantages (to give warning) and then go for the shorter cut. It would also give me a halfway stage to make sure I wanted it short. He would not have a say in it. And then I'd have to hope he likes being clean shaven.

Oh dear, he went to sea last year. Beards are all the rage...

Jayne266 Mon 04-Feb-13 21:04:54

My husband likes long hair (like when we met) and I have short hair now my choice. Prob being a bit blunt but my hair, I am the one who has to style it everyday and live with it
result= my choice xxx

Piecesofmyheart Mon 04-Feb-13 21:07:37

Tell him to get a dog.

Steadyonthere Mon 04-Feb-13 21:08:38

@Shellington - glad you care not a jot re your forthcoming tattoo. I have loads and loads, my DP doesn't like them. I don't tell him when I plan new ones, just show him each new addition when its been done and say "do you like my new tattoo?" He replies "No" to which I say "good" then we laugh & carry on with life as was, neither of us giving a second thought to the ink on my skin.

More on topic, I also have a v short pixie crop. DP adores it and thinks very short hair is incredibly feminine. I wouldn't consult him on my hair cut any more than I'd expect him to consult me on his.

I guess we both just think that there are more important things.

Still, different strokes for different folks n all that :-)

cocolepew Mon 04-Feb-13 21:09:26

Cut it. Its your hair hmm

Coconutty Mon 04-Feb-13 21:10:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TravelinColour Mon 04-Feb-13 21:10:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Uppermid Mon 04-Feb-13 21:15:29

It's your hair. Your dh is married to you not your hair. If he has a melt down, you have bigger problems than a haircut!

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