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2nd date nerves

(45 Posts)
kittykat10 Sun 03-Feb-13 09:48:20


well some how i went on a first date last weekend and we got on really well , went on a long walk and chatted through out and even the silences were comfortable.
he texted me in the eveing to say hed enjoyed himself and wants to see me again.
well today the day and part of me is looking forward to it and the other part is scared to death.
h4e is total opposite to my ex which can only be good and we have chatted on fone and texted loads but im still nervous .
i dont want to cancel but so worried hardly slept all night and when i did i had bad dreams
he suggested i leave my car at his and he drives is that acceptable, i know i prob wont get answrs in time as meant to be meeting soon.

just needed to get things said

kittykat10 Mon 04-Feb-13 11:56:28

i think he was just after a shag or worse ! no answer from my text i sent him thanks everyone for help i dont have mates to confide in so your advice was valuable to me.
i just hope there are actually decent men out there as loosing hope !

kittykat10 Sun 03-Feb-13 16:55:41

the last post was this guy to a tee , he had a spare room that i could stay in if i wanted a drink!

maybe it the glass of wine i had but it all falling in to place!
and well i have to come to conclusion men are odd, a man i have been chatting to since novemeber and i know is having money issues and who i have told all about the non date today suddenly suggested after a jokey comment about a pickled egg we meet up for the egg !

i nearly said id go to his town but thought sod this if you wanan meet you come to my home turf!

does make me think about the comment i made the other day about not leaving my pickled egg date to long!

overbythere Sun 03-Feb-13 16:32:47

Let's face it, going to someone's house is not a 'date' is it, especially when you have only met them once before. This happened to me when I had met a guy, it all went fine, then he kept asking me to his house for a curry (!) and if it got late, I could stay in the spare room (yeah right.) It put me off and I never saw him again so I don't blame you at all, especially if he was pushy. Too much too soon!

kittykat10 Sun 03-Feb-13 16:22:49

if i wanted just a shag i am sure my ex wouldnt say no lol

SweetSeraphim Sun 03-Feb-13 16:13:38

Oh, I wouldn't! I was OD for quite a long time before I settled down, so I know all the tricks. There's nothing wrong with going to someone's house for a shag, btw... it's just that doesn't sound like what you are looking for.

kittykat10 Sun 03-Feb-13 15:53:17

yeah i guess so , i know my ex was a shit at times but he never rushed me or expected me to pay , i guess ur all right i assumed that as he was willing to visit me for the 1st date he was decent , youd be suprised how many men want you to go to their town / house etc on first dates

ImperialBlether Sun 03-Feb-13 15:50:24

I agree with MrsFiddymont - why should you trust him and why should he assume you'd trust him? Someone said they'd be hurt at the thought they weren't trusted - surely a decent bloke wouldn't assume a stranger should trust him?

And a decent bloke who's working could buy you a drink in a pub, too, if he wanted to see you.

SweetSeraphim Sun 03-Feb-13 15:50:22

Well then. He just wanted a shag. NEXT!

MrsFiddymont Sun 03-Feb-13 15:44:00

Kitty, I think you have dodged a bullet with this one. Him wanting you in his car/house so early is not a good sign. Those who have said about him thinking you don't trust him, why would you, he is a stranger.

kittykat10 Sun 03-Feb-13 15:38:11

he hasnt texted me back after i said id prefer an out date maybe that it he knows im jobless so thinks hel have to pay

SweetSeraphim Sun 03-Feb-13 15:31:45

So what haoppened? Did you suggest you went out?

kittykat10 Sun 03-Feb-13 15:11:37

i guess so just lonley i guess

izzyizin Sun 03-Feb-13 14:54:45

Drip feeding, much? hmm

Tea at the Ritz maybe, tea at his place as a second date? No way, Jose.

Revised opinion: write him off and interview a lot more applicants for the role of special man in your life... grin

SweetSeraphim Sun 03-Feb-13 14:41:04

Yep, suggest an 'out' date. If he's not interested, then all he was after was a shag.

likeatonneofbricks Sun 03-Feb-13 14:33:40

hmm, yes, sounds to me that driving to his was a bit of a ploy, so that you go out for a quick drink (or not even that) before he invites you to his. Didn't want to have lunch - either he's tight-fisted or, more likely, he's after an easy shag at his place. See if he replies and agrees to go out - if not, good riddance grin.

kittykat10 Sun 03-Feb-13 14:23:44

orginally we were going to go out from his but after i said i couldnt he asked of i wanted to go over for tea.

maybe it for best .
i just didnt want another relationship that all we ever did was stay in

SweetSeraphim Sun 03-Feb-13 14:15:20

If you want my honest opinion, I think he never intended to take you out, I think he would have 'persuaded' you to spend the date at his when you left the car there hmm

He seems to be pushing for you to go round there. You're not comfortable with that - if he doesn't accept that, then fuck him.

frustratedworkingmum Sun 03-Feb-13 14:14:36

Because i'd feel that she didn't trust me and id be quite hurt by it. However, i woudlnt (if i were a man) be suggesting a second date at my house in the first place though, so as not to create this very situation. But didnt he just say to her to drive to his then he would drive to the date, so not necc at his house?

ImperialBlether Sun 03-Feb-13 14:11:45

What kind of man would be put off by a woman saying she wasn't happy going to his house for a second date?

Why wouldn't you text back, frustratedworkingmum?

And Bobby, do you really think it's good advice to have a drink and go to shag a man she's nervous about meeting again?

kittykat10 Sun 03-Feb-13 14:10:55

like the sound of your plan izzyizin maybe if he does get back to me ill suggest that

izzyizin Sun 03-Feb-13 14:04:52

If you're not happy about having arranged to go to his, get him to drive to yours where you can exit your home as soon as he arrives loudly calling over your shoulder to your dm/df/db/dsis, or whatever imaginary pal you have staying over, that you'll let them know what time to expect you back.

Don't forget a couple of lights on and you won't feel obliged to invite him in for coffee when he drops you home as x (imaginary being) is waiting for you to help them with some task or other

frustratedworkingmum Sun 03-Feb-13 14:04:32

now whilst i get thts the sensible route, after a first date i think that text says "im still not comfortable with you, but i'll give it another go in a public place" id not be texting back either, sadly.

kittykat10 Sun 03-Feb-13 14:02:03

i texted saying id rather meet in publicagain before i go to his but not heard out back

frustratedworkingmum Sun 03-Feb-13 13:56:36

kitty <stern voice> get on tht bloody phone, tell him you were being a twat, and go and don't shag him/shag him if you want to, just go and have a good time, dont over analyse - just have a nice day, its only 2pm, still the whole afternoon left smile do it now ffs

kittykat10 Sun 03-Feb-13 13:53:43

i did try to be assertive but he didnt seem to go out for lunch.
guess i need to see how it plays out, and it not my style to shag him i have a rule about that

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